Road to Recovery
by kebzero
Summary: Shounen Ai. Following the wars, Heero develops a drinking problem among others. After he has been missing for some time, Duo finds him and decides to put him on the long, hard road to recovery.
1. Road to Recovery

  
**Road To Recovery**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV.   
_Pairing:_ vague 12   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: This story is a divided over a string of ficlets written for various challenges at the gw500 LiveJournal community. Each chapter is labeled individually, as the content may stray a little from the labels above (i.e. POV changes). My story 'Snapshots and tidbits' contains one-shot ficlets written for the same community.   
  
This first bit was written for challenge #23 - 'security'.

* * *

When the cab stopped, I had to check my note twice and ask the driver if he got the address right. The neighborhood was somewhere between urban slum and a landfill. Even by L2 standards, it was pretty shabby. The low light levels of the artificial night typical for the colonies did nothing to help the impression. Nasty things hid in those shadows - I knew that without looking.

Yet, this was it. I paid the driver, and walked over to the apartment block. The door wasn't locked - not that there could be much to steal in there, anyway. Garbage and muck was everywhere; it was tough to imagine anyone living here. I didn't even bother to check if the elevator was working - I headed right for the stairs.

At the sixth floor I searched out the apartment number scribbled on my note. Most of the brass numbers usually screwed to the doors were missing, and some were swapped - apparently, there were others than my prey that attempted to hide here. By counting and reasoning, I found the right one. Sure enough, the number was gone - but this was the place. I knocked, waited, but got no answer. I knocked again.

"Go away..." a low, slurred voice commanded.

I banged at the door.

"Go away, damn't! I a'ready paid ren' this month..."

It was his voice. Despite how hazy it sounded, I was sure of it. "Heero? Heero, are you in there? It's Duo. Open up, would ya?"

I counted five heartbeats of silence before hearing slow shuffle of feet. There was a click, and another, and another, as several deadbolts and chains were unlocked. The door opened in a thin gap, the last chain still in place, and Heero peered out; bloodshot eyes in a haggard face, hair messier than ever, voice sounding much older than I could remember it. "Duo...?"

Serving him my best grin and fighting the urge to simply shoulder the door and break in, I asked "Gonna let me in?"

He considered it for a second or two, then nodded, closed the door, unhooked the last chain and opened up to me. As soon as I was in, he slammed it shut, securing all four locks. If _he_ was worried about the neighbors, I hate to think what they were like.

I tried not to stare as I looked around. The outside of the building should have prepared me for this, but it still slammed me in the face. The apartment was seriously run-down; a genuine dump. There were all kinds of bottles on the bench by the sink, a few empty ones dipping with dirty dishes in the brown dishwater. The wallpaper was ripped and peeling off in several places, the linoleum floor had random chunks torn out of it, the single couch in the room meant for living was a veritable quilt of random patches. I noted the cushions were sunk in the middle, giving away that it often served double duty as a bed. The low coffee table - one leg splinted - was cluttered with all kinds of paper. A quick glance showed welfare forms and a notepad with job application drafts, bills and old newspapers with circled 'wanted' ads - most of them rolled-up and crumpled, many stained with bottle rings or spills, a handful still clean.

It wasn't until he shot me a glare from the corner of his eye I realized I was still standing. He sat down on one side of the coach, nodded towards the other end. I accepted, and sat down.

With considerable effort, he tried to act sober, and managed to clear up his voice. "How did you find me?"

I had to smile at that; at least some things hadn't changed - he still cut right to the chase when there was something he wanted. "I didn't. Sally did - through those," I said, pointing at the welfare forms.

He grunted. "Figures... You shouldn't have bothered coming."

If there was ever a time I wanted to punch his face - other than _after_ the time he asked for it, and promptly sucker-punched me in the gut - this was it. "Heero, are you nuts? It's been over a year since _anyone_ heard from you. Quatre and Relena have been- hell, we've all been worried sick about you. We've been looking for you for freakin' ages!"

Another grunt. He reached for an almost empty bottle balancing at one corner of the coffee table.

"You've been listed as 'missing person' in the police files for months already. Lady Une even made the matter a Preventer issue, for crying out loud - what the hell happened to you?"

He downed the last swig, lazily let the bottle drop to the floor and roll in under the couch. I wanted to stop him, but couldn't. I had to see it at least once to believe it. "A lot of things..." he slurred, before his eyes sobered over long enough to think a little. "Hey... if Sally found out, how come you're here, and not-"

"She's on her way. She called me and gave me the address, since it was in the L2 cluster. She wanted me to scope out the place first - but when I came here and saw the neighborhood, I had to see if this was for real. Heero, why the hell haven't you called any of us for help? You _know_ we'd do anything to-"

He looked away. I knew it was partly to avoid my eyes, partly to search for another bottle within reach. "Too damn proud... I... I didn't want anyone to find out... out what I'd become. Wanted... wanted to fix my own problems, like I always have..." He snorted softly, tugged on a saddening smile. "I guess I'm not used to earning things, instead of just _taking_ what I need... Remember - remember when I stole parts from your Gundam, Duo?" He broke out in a snicker; if anything, that convinced me of his drunken state. He sniffled a bit, and wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve. I hoped to God my hunch was wrong, and that he was just running a cold. Discovering that your friend had become an alcoholic was bad enough, I didn't need to compound it with... _that_. Without a clear look in his eyes, I couldn't be sure.

"I remember," I finally force out.

"It's just - it's just so damn hard to get a decent job, and keep it. Don't have any credentials, they say, or complain about missing school papers, or any of a million other bits of paper that I don't have... Those who don't turn me down by the interviews, just fire me after a few days..."

I made another look-around. Yeah, I could believe that. Nobody wants to hire a drunken brawler. That, I didn't say, though. Instead... "Heero... you have a problem."

He made a soft snort, made a wry smirk. "I have _lots_ of problems... work, money... drinking..." He finally met my eyes, and spat out "_Friends_..." And looked away again, as he'd delivered some major mental blow. If he meant to make me feel guilty, he was mistaken. I wasn't the one that vanished into thin air.

But that was the past; we had the present to deal with. I made another sweep of the place before voicing my decision. "Heero, know what? You're coming back home with me - back to the salvage yard. I've been looking for extra help for a while, anyway - it'd be work for food and lodging, at least for starters - but you won't have to worry about being fired or kicked out-" At this point, his face had gone through the spectre from that weird smirk to a sullen smile, then to interest, and even outright surprise - all tempered with Heero's restraint, though. I could almost sense he was desperate to accept, but- "-on one condition."

Pause for effect. Heero waited for a few seconds, and finally asked "What condition?"

To the best of my recollection, I mimicked the unyielding stoneface expression I'd seen on him so often in the past. "You give up the bottle - while you live under my roof, no drinking."

At first, there was the after-effects of disbelief. For a second or two, I could swear I saw his eyes shimmer.

Then came the assault.

No, not an attack, at least not in the normal sense. I didn't really have time to react, only shirked back enough for his charge to miss a little. Heero wrapped his arms around me, his head against my chest, drawing me into a tight hug as if I had suddenly become some big teddybear or life buoy. As if that wasn't unexpected enough, he started sobbing, and his speech grew even more hazy. I could hear him draw in the contents of his runny nose once or twice, between muttering various versions of 'I accept' - most coming out something along the lines of 'I aspect' or thereabout, along with muted whimpers and sobs.

Dumb as I was - I mean, he was only trying to show he was happy, I suppose, even if it was his drunken side of doing so - I struggled against the embrace, and he relented, again looking away, almost flushing - though that might be a result of his drinking. It made his nose match his cheeks. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Sniffle.

This was when I realized my mistake, and decided to make up for it. I returned his hug, if not that enthusiastically - but making sure his chin rested on my shoulder this time. "Nothing to apologize for," I whispered softly in his ear. "Friends are supposed to be there for each other. So, are you coming?"

Against my cheek, I felt him nod, and a dim hiss sounding like 'yes...' Then, he surprised me again; I felt his lips to my neck, and soon after another kiss fell on my cheek, and a slurred mutter of '...love you...'

Not since Hilde used me as a test audience for her new bikini - still beats me how that piece of string could be described as 'clothing' - had my eyes been that wide. A bit shell-shocked, it took me several minutes to dare venture a soft "Heero?"

Getting no reply, I tapped his shoulder. "Heero? What did you mean-"

I don't know if you've ever had someone snore right in your ear - but there's lots of sweeter sounds, I assure you. Heero just couldn't seem to stop surprising me; I couldn't remember ever having heard him snoring. Not that it mattered now; he was sound asleep, and I figured that was for the better. His drunken self had agreed. I wasn't too sure his sober side would play along.

I took the blanket tossed over the back of the couch and tucked him in. The blanket was far from clean, and patched to the point you'd think it was some cheap quilt. Even so, Heero got the quaintest smile as he clutched one corner of it. Whatever it symbolized to him, it had to matter. That alone made me put it on the checklist of things to pack.

After swiping his runny nose with a handkerchief, I decided to check out his place further, maybe tidy up a little bit - but above else, help him pack his bags by doing it for him, preferably before he woke up. When that happened, I only wanted him to have one choice - or at least make all the others much tougher and undesirable.

My eyes fell on the disorganized row of bottles along the counter, with various levels of fullness, be it volume or body. I grabbed a rumpled plastic bag off the counter, put my hand in it and used the makeshift glove to search around in the mucky dishwater for the prop. To my amazement, the pipes weren't clogged. Then, I went for the bottles, and as I poured one after another out in the sink, I muttered to myself, "If he loves me now, he'll hate me in the morning..."

I knew he was going to regret it in the morning, and would probably get violent - but I didn't care. The first faltering step had been taken.

And I'd do what I could to support him down that road - if he'd let me.


	2. Writing on the Wall

  
**Writing on the Wall**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV.   
_Pairing:_ vague 12   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for challenge #24 - 'magic' - at the gw500 LJ community.

* * *

When I finished pouring out the bottles, I briefly considered filling them with water, but it would have been pointless. Heero would have figured it out soon enough, at the first quench of thirst - which would probably happen as soon as he woke up. Cotton mouth tastes much worse when you've got a splitting headache and cravings.

Instead, I decided to search the place and see if I could find anything he might want to take with him. Given the neighborhood, I was sure the landlord would seize - that is, steal - whatever he left behind. He could have the deposit on the bottles.

As I rummaged through desks and drawers, cabinets, cupboards and cardboard boxes, looked under pillows, carpets and blankets, I lost my will to be pissed at him for pulling his disappearing act on us. He had sunk deeper than I ever thought he could. No, I don't mean it like that; he'd just been... unlucky. And incredibly stubborn and stupid, wanting to stand it alone.

Buried in the mess of papers at the table, I found pawnshop receipts. Most were just for random bits of furniture and knickknacks he probably couldn't hawk for a good price, but two of them caught my eye. The first was for his gun. I knew he'd kept it - only the gun itself, not the bullets or anything else. He'd given up killing after the Gundams were gone, and nothing could stop him from sticking to that promise. All in all, I was glad. At least it meant he couldn't go on an armed drunken rampage, not that I thought he ever would - but there was always the chance he'd remember how to _take_ what he wanted, rather than play by the rules, which had led him to this point.

Then again, he would go for a stealthy hack or heist before an armed robbery.

At least if he was sober. I didn't really know what he was like drunk out of his mind. Didn't want to know, either.

The other pawn slip was what really told me how far out on a limb he was. Heero had pawned that cranky, old laptop of his - you know, that boxy relic he loves to play with? I stuffed the receipts in my pocket, and searched on.

To my great relief, my worries about a drug addiction was unfounded. In the fridge, between various leftovers, two cans of beer and some unidentifiable mould-infested thing, I found a bottle of vitamin C pills. At least _some_ shreds of the old Heero remained. Other than the now-gone alcohol and the vitamins, the strongest things he had to abuse were a bottle of aspirin and some Magic Marker pens I found hiding in a drawer. Just to be sure, I threw the pens in the trash.

I left the beers in the fridge, though. Maybe he wouldn't kill me right away if I left him with _something_. He was bound to be thirsty, and the tap water didn't look too healthy. The beers wouldn't be enough to get drunk on, anyway.

I picked out some of the less dirty clothes in his closet, and tossed them in a duffle bag I found thrown aside by a broken dresser.

He snored on, his relaxed face looking as innocent as a baby's.

One that had just doodled on the wallpaper.

I smiled. After all, there was still hope.


	3. Marked Man

  
**Marked Man**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV.   
_Pairing:_ vague 12   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for challenge #25 - 'accents' - at the gw500 LJ community.

* * *

At last, Heero stirred. He blinked a few times and squinted, adjusting to the light. With one hand clutching the edge of the patchwork blanket, he scanned his surroundings. When he saw me sitting in the chair next to his couch, he got the oddest grin, and whispered "...thought it was a dream..."

"It wasn't," I replied, if a bit harsh.

Immediately, he clutched his temples, wincing. "Not - Not so loud..."

I could only assume this was the expected hangover. I sat still as I watched him struggle to sit up straight, then stumble onto his feet, and take unsure steps over towards the counter, probably searching for the bottle of aspirin. I got to my feet, and took a few steps away, waiting. As Heero finally froze, I knew we'd reached the final calm before the storm. Another step back was all I got before the volcano erupted.

"What the _hell_-" Heero winced at his own shout and gave a glare I knew only too well. "_You_ did that," he hissed at me. "_You_ poured out-" He balled up his fists, took a wobbly step closer.

"Heero, calm down," I cautioned, the couch blocking my retreat path.

He didn't listen, and rushed towards me, murder in his eyes. To my surprise, I wasn't really afraid, and I made my stance, prepared to defend myself. I didn't have to, as Heero suddenly veered off from his assault path, and turned to flee towards the bathroom, his hand over his mouth.

Didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. The sounds that came as soon as he got through the door was another clue. I hesitated for a moment before checking up on him. Sure enough, as I got to the bathroom, I saw Heero worshipping the gods of hangovers, giving his offerings through the porcelain altar. Couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy, even if he'd wanted to kill me seconds earlier. I knelt down beside him, steadied him with one hand, rubbed his back with the other. Between heaves, he glared at me from the corner of his eye.

It sent a mild shiver down my spine. Another hurl released me.

That's when I noticed it. My backrubs had untucked Heero's rumpled T-shirt, and on the expanse of skin showing, there was a big, black smudge of some sort. Curiosity got the better of me, and I pulled the cotton aside for a better look.

Yep, it was a tattoo. I wasn't sure what to make of it; it was an uneven circle, most of one half tattooed black. It was weird - sort of like those funny little markers they put over letters in some loanwords - you know, the tiny slants or little upside-down v's and stuff; kinda cool-looking, but feeling a little out of place.

Focused on that, I didn't notice Heero's stomach had calmed down - not until he spoke up, surprising me out of my contemplation. "It's a yin/yang symbol," he slurred, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "S'posed to be, anyhow..."

"I thought you hated the idea of-"

Slight cringe, nod. "Yeah... but the parlor down the street got a new guy who needed practice, and they offered some cash for canvas, so..."

"Canv-" Pause. "You mean your _back_? What-"

"I wasn't exactly in a clear state of mind at the time," Heero snarled at me. "They waved cash in my face, so I laid down on the bench and let him have a go at me." He grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it down to cover the tattoo. "I only have that one - they didn't pay me enough to consider another." His eyes mellowed a little, though I could see the rage lingering in the far back of his gaze. "Besides... it reminded me of you, in a way."

"Huh?"

"You know... a pain in my a-" Pause. "Well, back, anyway." A cautious smile crept across his face, and with a whisper, he added "...my missing half..." Then, he winced again and pinched the bridge of his nose.

For a few moments, I waited for him to continue, but no explanation was forthcoming. I got to my feet. "I'll go get the aspirin."

"Thanks," he mumbled, and leaned up against the wall to avoid falling over.

I found the bottle where I'd left it. I was very much looking forward to when Heero's mind cleared up. We really needed to talk. About his promise to come with me, for one. About everything else he'd said, for another.

I wasn't sure he wanted to comment on either, now that he was sobering up.


	4. Booze Talking

  
**Booze Talking**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV.   
_Pairing:_ vague 12   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for challenge #26 - 'identity' - at the gw500 LJ community.

* * *

When I got back, he was sitting with his back to the counter, as if expecting his stomach to give him another round. I gave him two aspirin and one of the beer cans. Yeah, I know; you're not supposed to mix drugs and alcohol - but in this case, I think giving him a glass of the tap water would have been a much greater risk. He accepted both, popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down. "Thanks."

I sat down next to him. "You're welcome..."

We grew silent. He took small swigs of his can, I merely twirled mine around in my hands. I don't know how long I'd done that before Heero noticed, and put a hand over mine to stop me. I shot him a glance, he glared in return, and with nimble fingers, he popped my can. "Drink," he offered, despite how he almost made it sound like an order.

I took a gulp, though. The trip had made me thirsty - the junk they serve on the shuttles isn't worth a damn. Another few quiet moments passed. "Heero?"

"Hm?"

"You're still coming with me, right?"

There was the dimmest flash of alarm in his eyes. "You're having second thoughts?"

"Hell no!" I rebuked. "I _want_ you to come, I just thought-"

"I want to, Duo. I need... help."

I nodded. "And you're gonna get it, trust me."

"I do."

"It won't be easy."

"I know."

I nodded towards his half-empty can. "That one's gonna be your last one for a _long_ while - hopefully forever."

He took another slow swig. "I know..." Sigh. "Sorry I attacked you earlier."

I tugged on a smile. "S'okay, you never got that far."

Solitary chuckle. "Yeah..."

Another pause. "I almost feel like I don't know you anymore, Heero. You've changed."

He rolled his eyes. "Perhaps... but I also turned honest. I still feel the same as I always have - only, now I accept it." He shot me a glance, and I could swear he even tried to give me a wink.

Had to have been my imagination, given all the little things that had happened. I sighed. "Well, anyway - I guess I'll get to know you all over again - since you're still coming with me."

At that, he gave a lopsided smile, and nodded eagerly.

"And no more drinking."

His face grew sincere, and he nodded again, albeit with less enthusiasm. Then he was back to a soft smile.

It was starting to creep me out a bit, and made me aggressive. "Why were you looking for happiness at the bottom of a bottle, anyway?"

He snorted and looked away. "_Not_ happiness," he snarled. "Comfort, perhaps - and a way to forget."

"Forget what?"

He hesitated, before looking at my beer can. "You."

That left me somewhat dumbstruck, so he pushed on.

"It didn't help. I couldn't forget you, Duo. All this time, and all it took was-" he bit down the words. "I don't want to forget, anyway - I only want your l-"

At this point, I must have looked panic-stricken, 'cause he cut himself off instantly at my expression. It was still too raw, too new - if I understood him right.

"Friendship," he moderated himself, and looked away.

So much for clearing up that second matter. I decided to leave it for later. The most important thing was decided, after all. I flashed him a grin and put my hand on his shoulder. "You have it, pal. You've always had it. Now, drink up - we're leaving."

I couldn't decide whether to be happy or scared over the big, genuine smile he gave me at that.


	5. Lapse

  
**Lapse**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV.   
_Pairing:_ vague 12 (for now)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #27 - 'disappointment'.

* * *

I should have come right out and said it. Told him that I loved him - or at least thought I did. It's not like I've had enough experience with it to recognize it, at least not in myself. Still, the feeling was pretty strong.

I didn't have the guts to back then. I guess I still don't. I came close, but the way he reacted... it hurt. Duo probably figured out what I was going to say, and didn't seem to like it. I let it go. The last thing I wanted was to push him away - lose him again. I wanted him there - or rather, I wanted to go with him. To jeopardize that was unthinkable.

Being close would have to do, for now.

Then he brought me out of my contemplation. "Heero?"

"Hm?"

Duo grinned. "You kinda spaced out there - what were you thinking about?"

I shrugged. "Nothing."

Soft snort. "Right... Anyway, I was asking if you could check your bags? I packed them for you while you were sleeping, but perhaps there's something else you'd want to bring that I didn't notice."

Nod, mission accepted.

"Oh, and I take it you don't have a phone here?"

I gave him a grunt and a slanted smirk at that.

"Figures..." Duo searched his pockets for his cell phone. "Gonna call Sally to let her know I'm taking you back to the yard. She'll probably be pissed at me since I didn't stay put until she got here, but-" Then he shrugged. "Oh, and I have to call Hilde too - need to tell her to fix the guest bedroom."

Without thinking, I frowned just a little. I will vehemently claim I did not pout.

He chuckled. "Don't worry - I'll take the couch. You can have my bed, until we fix something more permanent."

I was torn between wanting to say I'd gladly _share_ his bed, and that it wasn't the sleeping arrangements I'd reacted to. Instead, I put my stoneface mask back on. "So... You and Hilde are still living together...?"

Grin. "Yeah... We get on each other's nerves all the time, but we have fun together."

I studied shapes on the torn wallpaper. "I... see..."

Duo must have reacted to the sad tone in my voice, or my earlier remarks, or both - at any rate, he dispelled one of my greatest fears in a hurry. I wasn't sure if he did that on _purpose_ - but I hoped so. "Not like _that_, Heero. Sheesh. Hilde and I are friends, that's all."

Remarkable how that simple word could sting so much. "You mean like us?"

"Well, yeah - well, not _exactly_ like us, since you're a guy and all, and you've been _gone_ for-" He bit his lip, and stopped short. Combined with his rambling, it was obvious he was nervous. "Anyway - we're friends, Heero. I wouldn't be here if we weren't, you know that, right?"

Slowly, I nodded. "Friends..." I practically whispered.

If anything, that only made Duo more skittish. It wasn't as if I couldn't understand that. The word had gotten loaded to me too. I wanted to use something stronger, but I was afraid it'd push him away, permanently - make him want to leave me here. It was an intolerable thought. Depressed, I made the huge mistake of mumbling it out - those simple words you never want to hear from an alcoholic, recovering or otherwise.

"I need a drink..."

Duo froze instantly, and gave me the harshest look I could ever remember having received. Perhaps that's because I was much more sensitive to them now. He took quick steps towards me, fists clenched.

I rebuked the little phrase immediately, terrified it might do irreparable damage. "Duo, I didn't mean-"

He stopped barely a few feet away, and his eyes mellowed over. I let a quiet sigh of relief go. "I know, Heero. I know."

Then he surprised me by taking one more step, hugging me. Or rather, hugging my head, as he pulled me close a little early. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. I swear he was caressing my hair, not just... combing over it with his palm. "I shouldn't be so quick to judge-"

I smiled faintly to his chest. "You have every right to," I offered. "I'm glad you're here to look out for me, though." Tentatively, I reached around him to hug him back. It wasn't as if it could be called an even thing; my knees were threatening to give out for more than one reason.

He was cradling me as if I were a baby - but I didn't care. With my ear pressed to his chest, I could only think of what I heard; the steady rhythm of his heart.

And for that blissful, short moment, I was happy - I'd found the place where I wanted to be.

Never have I hated a cell phone more than his a few seconds later, when it called him out of our uneven embrace. The only reason it continued to exist afterwards, was because it was his.

At least I'd gotten a taste of the closeness I dreamed of. I didn't have an addiction - I had two.

And I wasn't sure which would turn out to be stronger.


	6. Caged

  
**Caged**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hhints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 12(1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #28 - 'timing'.

* * *

Sure enough, it was Sally. I cut her off, and explained the situation in as brief sentences as I could manage to squeeze in between her verbal lashings. She wasn't too happy about my independent actions, but I managed to mellow her down after a while. Meanwhile, Heero kept grinning at me. Apparently, he found my abrupt sentences and the agitated voice from the other end of the line amusing.

Sally was tough to convince, but she agreed - on the condition that she got to visit us ASAP. I didn't have a problem with that. We'd get home a day or two before she could get there, anyhow. I was almost ready to hang up when Heero grabbed my arm, and in turn, the cell phone. Almost _without_ making it sound like an outright threat, he asked Sally to keep a lid on all of this. He told her he didn't want to be rushed by everyone; he needed time to adjust.

That last word took its sweet time to come out of his throat, though - almost as if he'd struggled to find the right one.

He gave the cell back to me, and I said goodbye. Immediately, I wanted to start an argument. I didn't like him blocking out his friends like that.

I was pre-empted by a fierce glare, killing most of desire to argue. It just wouldn't have been worth it. Instead, I thought I'd get sneaky, when the time came. If Heero thought he could avoid us all forever, he was going to learn differently. After all, Sally and I had found him - even if we hadn't taken the time to tell anyone else. We'd had false leads before, after all.

While he checked the bags, I made the call to Hilde. She was a lot easier to talk to - but then again, she likes to be in your face when she chews you out. I had a feeling she'd have a thing or two to tell me when Heero and I got back.

We got ready to leave. His entire belongings fit in two bags - but I was a lot more worried over the unseen burden he carried. All I could do was offer him to help shoulder some of it. Still, I couldn't come off too strong - then he'd just back away and flee, only to be crushed under its weight eventually.

I couldn't let that happen.

Yet, I couldn't _force_ him to stay with me. At best, I could entice him to - but before then, I had to get a clear picture of what his little approaches - drunken and otherwise - truly meant. Of course, if I asked him directly, he'd probably bolt.

That's when I got an idea.

The trip to the spaceport was uneventful - thankfully. Heero had sobered up nicely, but behaved rather subdued, even for him. At last, he told me what bothered him - or at least, one of the things. This colony wasn't very trafficked; the next commercial shuttle wouldn't leave for another day.

With a grin, I nodded in the directions of the private docking bays. I told him I had rented a small shuttle - one with barely enough room for two - as soon as Sally contacted me. At that, he nearly smiled. Not sure why.

Still, he came along. He didn't hesitate the slightest - until he stood in the airlock. It was the moment of no return - at least for a while. "Are you coming?" I asked.

He glanced up from the deck, and seemed to weigh things up against one another before finally stepping inside. I closed the hatch in a hurry; I didn't want to let him escape now.

I let him help with the pre-flight checks. He lit up at that, and though he seemed a little bit rusty, he didn't mess up even once. Soon enough, we were both strapped in. The launch took forever, and all the while, the question burned inside my throat, constantly changing, attempting to morph into a safe way to ask it.

At long last, we were underway, lost between the stars, between colonies, flight plan locked in, no deviation made easy. Given the tiny cabin and at least half a day in flight, he couldn't avoid me easily - nor could he dodge my question.

I prayed I could avoid triggering his anger, though. "Uh, Heero..."

He gave me a soft smile, busy watching the controls from the co-pilot's chair.

"You keep giving me these strange vibes... I mean, the tattoo, and..." I bit my lower lip. "Uh, you probably don't remember, but before you fell asleep last night, you kissed my cheek and mumbled something about loving me..."

His face fell instantly.


	7. Clearing the Mind

  
**Clearing The Mind**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ hints at Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV.   
_Pairing:_ 12(1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #30 - 'laundry'.

* * *

In retrospect, I shouldn't have been so surprised. I hadn't done much of a job in hiding how I felt, even if I hadn't blurted it out aloud.

At least not while reasonably sober.

I never thought he'd really dare ask me - or even hint the question, like he had just done. Deep down, I had probably _hoped_ he would, though. That way, I wouldn't have to summon up the guts to confess all on my own. Maybe it was easier this way; cornered, practically forced to answer, or struggle to maintain an eerie silence for several hours - not an easy thing to do while trapped together in a small tin-can out in space.

It still felt decidedly uncomfortable, though. A big, heavy lump gathered in my gut, and it felt like something had clamped down on my chest too. I took a deep breath, trying to break the spell I'd caught myself in.

Minutes must have gone by before I raised my eyes to meet his again. I hesitated, not only because I had to get control of myself, but also because I was terrified there'd be judgement in his eyes. It's easier to live with the uncertainty of hope, than the certainty the hope was unfounded.

My relief knew no bounds when I saw nothing but nervous softness and anticipation on his face. I tried to smile, but it must have looked really sheepish. Or creepy. Embarrassed, I turned away again. "Yes..." I mumbled.

A quick glance was enough to read he wanted a better answer than that. He didn't ask, just waited for me to speak.

I mustered up all my courage. "Yes, Duo. I l-" I choked down that word. I wanted to come clean, but I feared that word would be too much for him right then. "I... like you. I _really_ like you, Duo."

Yeah, subtle as a brick. It was what he expected to hear, so I figured I might as well give it to him.

I briefly wondered if there were bars on L2, and if some cheap place would be open when we got there. My throat had never been as dry. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump rising in my throat.

Duo reached inside one of the compartments, fetched a bottle with a valved straw and tossed it to me. "Here. It's water."

I accepted and sipped from the canister, looking at him. It was my turn to wait for an answer.

I suppose I knew it wouldn't be what I wanted it to be. He wouldn't magically light up, throw himself at me and confess how much he loved me too, proceed to kiss me silly and- That train of thought headed straight down a dirty track, flashing images at me. A mental headshake was in order, if not an outright brainwash. Lacking the means for the latter, I did the former, and waited.

The way his face hardened shattered the promises of fantasies.


	8. Crumb

  
**Crumb**   
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV.   
_Pairing:_ 12(1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #31 - 'challenge'.

* * *

At first, I felt rotten for forcing Heero to answer like that. Even if he said 'like', it was pretty damn obvious he wanted to use a more powerful word.

Yet, I was glad. I didn't have any doubts about him anymore - but I gained a few about myself. I had never really thought about being with another guy. I mean, even with Hilde, it was just empty flirting - poking at each other's soft spots, having a good time without making a messy love life out of it. Flirting, I could cope with, maybe even with guys - but it was easy to see Heero wasn't looking for that. He wanted - no, _needed_ something solid; support that never wavered. Love.

I couldn't give him that. In my mind, Heero was a friend, and I couldn't think of him as anything else. How I would have reacted if he'd kissed me right on the lips that first night? The thought alone was weird.

His face suddenly turned so saddened, so afraid, so.... _vulnerable_. There was something about it that just tore at my insides. I could so easily say something to give him false hope, or honestly try to give him what he craved, just to give an incentive for him to stop drinking. It'd be so easy to exploit that - but I knew it'd only backfire, sooner or later. I had to be a _friend_, a loyal friend. I had to get him permanently sober. It'd be cruel to accept his love and make a fake reflection out of it to use as a carrot.

Finally, it dawned on me that my own brooding expression was causing his almost despairing one. With it, without saying a word, I slowly strangled the hope he clung to. I don't think I could have lied to him, even if I wanted to. I sighed. It was my turn to answer the unspoken challenge.

"Heero, look - you're a nice guy, but... You're my _friend_, okay? As a friend, I'd do anything for you, but I'm not sure..." I bit my lower lip, caught myself looking away, not wanting to see the pain I caused. I forced myself to face him again. "I'm not sure I could... like you back - not like that..."

For the longest time, he hesitated, sitting perfectly still. Then, he gave a few slow nods.

I turned away, feeling worse than ever. Without even thinking, I mumbled "...not yet, anyway...."

Heero noticed, and took the carrot for all it was worth. I caught the flash of steel behind the shimmering blue of his eyes. I knew I'd just become one of Heero's mission objectives; another trial to be passed.

Maybe giving him a little false hope wasn't such a bad idea. If it helped Heero recover, or at least strike a balance with his drinking problem, perhaps the outcome justified the means.

And it wasn't a lie. I simply wasn't ready.

But I kept thinking.


	9. Rules of the Game

  
**Rules of the Game**  
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #32 - 'contract'.

* * *

The first task for any mission is to work out all the parameters - The battlefield, your opposition, the weapons at your disposal. Then you plan, as best you can. Of course, you must allow for some improvisation, as no plan survives contact with the enemy. The 'opposition' was clear enough. The 'weapons' in this case would be anything I could find, anything I could use to nudge at Duo's feelings.

What I really had to learn were the limits of the battlefield. "You'll only kick me out if I start drinking again, right...?"

Duo took the cautious question with no alarm whatsoever. "That's the general idea..." Half a smile. "That, and helping you not drink anything stronger than coffee in the first place."

I nodded, kept my face plain. "And that is the only thing that would get me kicked out?"

He gave me a puzzled look, then stared out into space, and sighed. "Look, you're my friend, Heero. I _invited_ you, didn't I? So, no - I'm not going to kick you out while you're off the bottle - unless you _really_ get on my nerves, for some reason." He grinned it away as a joke. "I'm fairly sure you'll have trouble with Hilde long before me, though."

I smiled a little at that, before probing enemy territory again. "Are you sure...?"

His voice grew stern, but he kept looking dead ahead, through the plasteel windows. "My word is as good as any written statement, Heero. I never lie - you ought to know that by now."

I slowly nodded, and mumbled "I know... but you like to twist the truth, or omit it when convenient..."

Duo heard it. I had meant him to. He glared at me, but made no comment.

"So, while I'm under your roof, I'm to stay away from alcohol. That's fine - but what about you?"

From the look of his face, he knew I didn't mean 'will you stay away from alcohol too?'. He almost scowled at me. "Just what are you getting at?"

"You."

I really didn't have to say more. He understood. And sighed. And looked generally uncomfortable - but not angry. "Look, I don't expect you to change how you feel - to be perfectly honest, I'm kinda flattered, but... Well, I don't feel the same, okay? So, I'll leave all of that up to you. I won't stop you from... flirting, or whatever you're planning - 'cause the only one you'll end up hurting is yourself. I'd prefer if that didn't happen, though."

I had a hunch something like that was coming, but it still stung.

Duo noticed. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Better that you get it up front."

Hesitantly, I nodded. At least I had a small hope of trying to subvert him, without him getting fed up with me and showing me the door. One of us was certainly going to have a change of heart - and it wasn't going to be me.


	10. Dodging Bullets

  
**Dodging Bullets**  
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #33 - 'distraction'.

* * *

When you're in flight between colonies, there isn't really all that much to _do_. Once you've set your heading, the autopilot can pretty much handle the rest with the help of the nav beacons, unless something really unexpected happens.

It can get pretty boring. And lonely. And _quiet_.

That's what got to me the most. I was used to going on shuttle flights on my own - but I usually obnoxiously loud music blasting out of every speaker on the ship. At the very least I kept a quiet track of elevator music play, just to chase the silence away.

Travelling with Hilde was okay. We could usually strike a balance. And we _talked_.

Heero and I hadn't exchanged a word for hours. Nothing meaningful, anyway. Only small remarks, attempts at reminiscing... Well, _I_ talked. He listened - with a tiny fraction of his attention, if even that. For the last fifteen minutes I'd been telling him about the tiny pink elephants tap-dancing on our windshield. He'd just grunted a little whenever my tone of voice seemed to justify it.

I gave up. He was deep in thought about _something_, that was for certain. I wasn't sure I really wanted to know about what, exactly.

Curiosity is a dangerous thing. Most would-be scientists learn this when they're young. Those who heal both mentally and physically from their early electric shocks, burns and other injuries, become great scientists.

The rest become pretty much sane people.

I sighed. Sanity is overrated, anyway. I touched his shoulder to make sure I had his attention. "So... what are you thinking about, Heero?"

He all but stared at me for a moment, hesitation clear in his eyes. Still, he dared ask. "Have you ever loved someone, Duo?"

I had the distinct feeling he didn't mean 'love' as in love for a friend, or for family. An itch at the back of my neck grew unbearable. Dealing with it, I quickly shrugged as a reply, and left my seat for the small kitchen nook. I felt his eyes on me as I dug out a few food dispensers from a cabinet and made a face at them. Shuttle fare is pure crap, whether on private or commercial shuttles. It's all the same in the weightlessness of space - unless you're filthy rich and have artificial gravity, but even then 'normal' foods requiring gravity for relatively clean and safe digestion aren't advisable.

I tossed a few of the packs at Heero. "Here, catch - it's dinner."

Heero frowned, but took them. I knew he was as thrilled with these meals as I was. Dinner shouldn't come through straws or in the form of bars - at least not in peace time.

He accepted dinner in the same way he did my answer - in silence.

We ate.

At least I dodged that particular bullet - but knowing Heero, it'd ricochet back at me later.

I don't like lying. I would hate to tell him 'no' even more.


	11. Quirks of Friendship

  
  
**Quirks of Friendship**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #34 - 'flattery'.

* * *

The trip to L2 seemed to last forever. After that first meal, we went back to the droll pastime conversations, partly reminiscing, partly catching up. I chose to omit quite a few things - I was certain he did the same. What _was_ said, I trusted, though.

After we finally docked and returned the keys for the rented shuttle, we grabbed what little we had of luggage and started walking back to Duo's salvage yard. Cabs and buses are scarce on L2, so we made due without. Besides, it wasn't all that long a walk - that's what Duo claimed, at least, walking a little ahead of me - not his choice, but mine. I don't think he noticed how I stole glances in the vicinity of the wagging tail of his braid. My attention was more on that than on what he was saying.

"You know, Hilde isn't nearly as bad as she sounds. Like a lapdog - lots of yapping, weak bite. At least most of the time. When she's in a _bad_ mood, run and hide." He turned to flash a grin at me. Fortunately, my eyes were on his neck at the time. "Periods count as _really_ bad mood. I'll give you some pointers on when and where to hide."

I grunted at that, and resumed my survey of his ass as his eyes returned to front.

"So, you'd better say something nice to her, soon as you see her."

"Why?" I asked in all honesty.

He turned to grin at me again, and I snapped my eyes up. I think I managed it in time. "Well, it would be nice if at least _one_ of us remain at her good graces at all times."

"You two don't get along?"

Duo shrugged. "Well enough, I suppose. Like I said back at your place - we get on each other's nerves sometimes. Shacking up together does that, you know." He chuckled. "The two of us will probably hate each other's guts before long, too. I'm sure we have enough bad habits to annoy each other with."

I wasn't sure if he was joking or not - or rather, I feared he wasn't. "We got along during the war..." I mumbled.

Duo stopped walking, pausing to think. I was greatly relieved when he turned to smile at me. "We did, didn't we? Even despite how you stole parts from Deathscythe, and sucker-punched me in the gut, and-"

"Despite how you shot me on first sight - twice, even," I cut in, "and how you all but criticized me for saving your butt many times over, and-"

He was grinning from ear to ear by then. "Hey, now _who_ was it that I sprung from that Alliance hospital way back when, huh?"

"You _put_ me there!" I protested.

Duo laughed out loud.

I couldn't help but smile a little, and mumbled out "Idiot..."

"Right back at ya, pal. Yeah, we were _destined_ to be friends, I think."

I snorted, but didn't comment further.

We started walking again, down the shabby backstreets of L2. We stayed out of the darker parts, much to my relief. I did not want to think too much of my old neighborhood - I hoped never to go back there. We didn't speak, but Duo slowed down a little, walking beside me now, not in front. I wondered if he'd seen me gawk - but I didn't think so.

We were getting close. I noticed his hands were growing restless, as if he was nervous. "Now, remember - give her a compliment - a good one. You _do_ know how to do that, don't you?"

I threw him a lopsided smirk, thought it over, cleared my throat. "You're as beautiful now as the first time I saw you."

"Yeah, that'll-" Duo paused, almost glaring at me. "Hey, wait a minute - wasn't the first time you saw Hilde when she was brought aboard _Peacemillion_, injured and comatose?"

I nodded. "Yes - but I wasn't talking about her."

"Oh..." Bothered, Duo scratched an itch at the back of his neck, and struggled to keep a fairly straight smile in place.

My smirk remained firm. I liked having him a little off balance like this. If I told him often enough, maybe... Change rarely happens fast. It comes as a series of tiny nudges, until you finally wake up and sense you new reality. I planned on giving him many soft pokes like that - hoping it had an effect other than irritation.

"Uhm, we'd better hurry up. Hilde has just about as much patience as me - little to none."

I grunted, amused. "Fine. I'll make sure I stay on her good side."

Duo nodded, flashed me a grin and hurried down along the alley. "You'd better. She owns half the house, you know."

He didn't look back, and for that I was glad. That way, he didn't notice how I momentarily froze in place, taking in the implications of that statement, before snapping out of it and laying in a pursuit.

Oh, I was most definitely going to stay on Hilde's good side - risking my chance with Duo was not an option.

I prayed Duo hadn't misjudged her feelings for him. I needed an ally, not a rival.


	12. Pearly Gate of Hades

  
**Pearly Gate of Hades**  
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #35 - 'expectation'.

* * *

He probably didn't think I noticed him glaring at my ass. Well, I did. He's not the only one trained in stealth and subterfuge - and the detection of the same. I let him have that much, though - look, but not touch, and all that.

It made him miss the liquor store we walked passed. That made it worth it.

My fingers twitched a little again. Yeah, so I was edgy. Even after living in the same house for years, I still couldn't figure Hilde out, sometimes. I wasn't sure how she'd react to Heero staying with us, not for real. Sure, she'd been polite and lenient when I called her. Her on-the-phone voice is usually much calmer than the in-your-face one. I'd explained Heero's situation as best I could - the drinking, the shape he was in, how I wanted to take him in for a while to straighten him out...

...of course, that was before I knew he was more bent than I'd thought. How Hilde would react to _that_ really bothered me. She and Heero have never really talked much - or seen each other much, for that matter. The other guys all came visiting once in a while, or invited us. Heero just vanished, covering his tracks. Most of Hilde's impression of him was probably formed from what _I_ had talked of him - which was quite a lot, really. The other guys could tell their own stories. Heero couldn't, since he wasn't there to talk.

In my mind, I played out the events for the next few days. We'd come back, Hilde would be glad to see us - well, Heero, anyway. I'd probably get yelled at for leaving with barely a note stuck on the fridge saying 'gone, back soon'. Well, we'd get through that little trial of fire, and get Heero settled in. He'd take my bed-

I'd almost forgotten that part. I'd promised him my bed, said I could take the guest bedroom - that is, the couch. We do have a real guest bedroom, but after the last time Trowa and Quatre visited, we turned it into a storage room. Quatre bought the bed shortly after - a big old brass thing. Good riddance, it had really squeaky springs. It amused him. It had kept Hilde and me awake.

Anyway - Sally would come by, probably tomorrow or the day after... We'd need to put Heero to work at the yard - keeping him busy should help him forget alcohol.

I could see the hole in the fence that was our entrance. I prayed Hilde had gotten rid of any we might have left.

Yeah, I take a beer every now and then. The wine was an experiment of Hilde's. Tried some fancy cooking. Didn't agree with either of us, so the bottles were left for show. Quatre saw them once, and brought us another as a gift the next time. Didn't have a heart to tell him we didn't drink - by his reverence for the old bottle, it was probably something rare and frightfully expensive.

I hoped Hilde had _sold_ that one, not just poured it out. Hey, I'm a peddler; money matters to me.

Just keeping Heero away from alcohol wouldn't cure him, though - but it would help. With Hilde's aid and Sally's advice we'd make it work, somehow.

As long as Hilde and Heero didn't end up hating each other. I mean, they can both be so damn stubborn! Not saying I'm not, but those two certainly best me, most times.

I prayed Heero wouldn't say or do anything to piss her off. See, Heero is one of those people you can almost count on to ask a woman merely on the wrong side of a diet when she's expecting. Adding 'twins' is optional. I'm not saying Heero hasn't got tact - he just doesn't exercise that mental muscle a lot. He's more of a straight shooter.

At least, that was the Heero I knew. I didn't think he'd changed all that much. It remained to be seen, really. Off the bottle, he seemed pretty much like I remembered him - short of the crush thing. Still, not hiding it anymore was a burden off Heero's shoulders, that I was sure of. I pitied him because I didn't feel the same way. He's a good guy - just not...

I shook my head. Damn if he was going to have me question myself _why_ I didn't feel the same way. As guys go, Heero isn't bad looking, and-

Another headshake. My fingers twitched again. I stopped, took a deep breath, turned to face Heero with a half-hearted grin. "Well... We're here."

He nodded, glanced through the gate of wrought iron, up the path veering between piles of various scraps and junk to the house.

Okay, so the gate isn't the prettiest thing, but I got it cheap. Best way of selling it is putting it where people can see it, right?

My heart started pounding again. As I'd told Heero, she _did_ own half the house. One way or another, she'd hit it off with Heero, I was sure of that. Strong personalities tend to affect each other greatly. "Okay, let's go," I said, and started walking up the path to the house. Heero followed.


	13. Turntable

  
**Turntable**  
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for challenge #36 - 'competition'.

* * *

I paused for a moment as I stepped through the intimidating gate of black twisted iron, wondering what I was getting into - but with present company, I'd go through hell itself if I had to.

Which was pretty much what the walk up the path felt like.

Duo made it as far as half a knock at the door before it opened. Hilde's face lit up upon seeing him. She hugged him fiercely.

That stung a little.

It hurt less when she stepped back and gave him a solid smack on the cheek - the open palm sort. Duo took a step back too, rubbing the impact site. "Ow! That _hurt_, damn it!"

She folded her arms and snorted. "You earned it."

Duo objected. "What the heck did _I_ do?"

Hilde dug into her pocket, fished out what looked like a curled-up piece of paper and threw it at him, aiming for the point just between his eyes. Duo snatched the thing up just before it hit, defending with his palm. He inspected it, and casually tossed it at me. It was a note in Duo's handwriting wrapped around a banana refrigerator magnet, stating 'gone, back soon'.

I bit down the urge to smirk - it didn't look like I had too much to worry about in terms of active competition - unless they were so close this was merely a small spat; a mock duel of words for fun, and-

At that point in my brooding heading towards depression, Hilde turned her sights on me. I figured it out too late, and was soon trapped in a bear hug, my arms included. "Hi, Heero - it's been too long."

I struggled to put up a polite smile. "Uh - hi, Hilde."

"You're saying _that_ upset you?" Duo halfway shouted back. "I leave notes like this all the time!"

She sighed theatrically and tightened the grip around my waist just a little. "See what I have to put up with, Heero?" She rested her cheek against my shoulder. "Maybe I shacked up with the wrong pilot..."

I was already pretty uncomfortable, and I was equally sure my ears were acting as signal flares. I finally caught on to how she was delighting in my embarrassment. Mine and Duo's.

"Okay, that's enough, Hilde. Let him go."

She grinned at him. "Oh...? Jealous? Think I'd go for the better man?"

I imagined I saw his cheeks starting to flush.

"What do you say, Heero? You're free, aren't you?"

I tore my eyes away from scrutinizing Duo's cheeks for a moment, cleared my throat. "Uh, Hilde, I'm sorry - but I'm gay."

Well, at least it got rid of her grin, replaced by surprise. She even relaxed her embrace a little. "Oh..." Or so I thought. She smirked again. "Aren't you ever the enigma, Heero... gay, huh?" She stretched just enough to place a peck of a kiss on my cheek. "We'll see about that..."

_In for a penny,_ I thought, deciding to just drop the rest of my payload after that bombshell. At least it would spare Duo the awkwardness of telling her later. "I'm also in love with your housemate."

Her jaw fell momentarily - but then she broke out in a leer - which she immediately targeted on Duo.

"Unrequited," Duo snapped. "I'm straight."

She snorted, amused. "Oh, I don't know about that... You've resisted my womanly charms for so long, I'd say-"

Frown. "Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I automatically fall in love with every woman in sight - much less someone who acts like she's my bratty little sister!"

She snickered. "Well, you certainly _flirt_ vigorously enough..."

In his grumpiness, Duo was almost pouting. For a moment, I felt at ease - perhaps that was how they both experienced their relationship - siblings. Then again, they could simply be so relaxed with each other that-

I mentally shook my head. I didn't want to think about those options too much.

Duo growled. "Hilde, give me my pal back..."

"Oh...? _Jealous_?" she repeated. "Think I'm going to steal your boyfriend?"

I wasn't imagining it. Duo's cheeks went ablaze, and he looked away. As Hilde finally let go, instead grabbing my hand and dragging me inside the house, I dared a smirk. Perhaps I _should_ allow myself a little hope. At least Hilde didn't seem hostile.

Yet.

The best way to attack an enemy is by complete surprise.


	14. Honor and Duty

  
**Honor and Duty**  
  
_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #37 - 'my turn'. As a reminder; if you feel the chapters are short, they are supposed to be. These are written for the weekly 500 words challenge at the gw500 LiveJournal community. Hence, 500 words is always the goal - though it often goes a little beyond that.

* * *

It turned out Hilde had prepared a late dinner for us - the microwave-prepared sort. There was no way for her to know just when we'd get here, after all. After the tubes and solids on the shuttle, it tasted great. I made sure to compliment her. Told her it was way better than the food she usually made. She huffed a little at that, but didn't lose the lopsided smile. I'd get payback later - we are good at exchanging such tiny insults - keeps the friendship alive.

As we ate, we talked about the job I'd offered Heero, made some lax attempts at catching up... Well, Hilde and I talked, at least. Heero seemed more content stabbing at his meal with his fork, acting a bit distant and deep in thought. I knew him better than that; he was listening intently - and at the same time acting aloof to avoid questions in his direction.

I had a feeling there was something he didn't want to share with us just yet. Couldn't for the life of me guess what, though.

He _did_ remember to compliment Hilde on her cooking, though - and thank her for her hospitality, even if I had forced it on her. Yeah, he actually said that last bit. Like I said, Heero's a straight shooter. It was all good, though - Hilde laughed at it. Or my reddening ears. Not sure.

We finished the meal. I put my plate at the bench, and was about to go to the living room when Hilde called me back.

"And just where do you think _you're_ going?"

I halted, baffled. "I was going to start clearing out the guest bedroom, and-"

She shook her head.

"-no?"

Slight smile, another headshake. She pointed her thumb to the bench. "Your turn to do the dishes, Duo. Get going."

I groaned, more for show than anything else. Given that I had been gone for days, it was probably my turn to do a lot of things at the house. I had to give her that much, at least.

Heero was the one who pointed out the obvious. "What about the dishwasher?" he asked, pointing at the contraption tucked under the bench.

"It broke down," I explained as I poured water in the sink and fumbled in the cupboard below for the soap.

Hilde snickered. "Yeah, and I'm waiting for mister Fix-It there to do the same and hire a repairman - or buy a new machine."

I snorted dismissively at her. Just you wait - I'll get it working again, one of these days.

"Maybe I could help?" Heero offered, a little too eagerly.

I grunted, and began putting the dishes in the soapy water. "No offense, pal - but if I couldn't fix it, I don't see how _you_ would be able to."

He huffed at that. "I took apart Deathscythe and retrofitted the parts with Wing once. I think I can handle a simple household appliance."

I shrugged, tried to be indifferent and reached for the brush. "Fine, give it your best shot." Heero didn't know what he was getting into, after all. That thing was the dishwasher from hell.

"Not tonight, though," Hilde cut in. She reached for the towels at the end of the bench, tossed one to Heero and winked at him.

Heero nodded in return. Even with his neck facing me, I could almost see the smirk on his face. Made a lopsided grin of my own, shaking my head in resignation.

...damn conspirators.

As I finished cleaning the first plate and handed it to Heero, she excused herself, saying she was going to look for extra blankets for the couch and start clearing out the guestroom. It'd take a while to remove all the junk we'd stored there, after all.

And I didn't intend to sleep on the couch indefinitely.

I handed Heero another plate. Our hands met. That alone was enough to cause his cheeks to shade. He snapped the plate away, slightly bothered.

I sighed. Yeah, I was still good for my promise to take the couch instead of him. I knew he'd object.

I prayed Hilde wouldn't make us compromise.


	15. Reflections

  
**Reflections**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1&2(&1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #38 - 'benefits'.

* * *

It felt absolutely surreal. Less than a week ago, my greatest aspiration was landing a permanent day job. Most other dreams had pretty much died by then, or were repressed by my refusal to ask for help, least of all from old friends.

And now here I was, having a definitive domestic moment with my first, and if I had my will - which I fully intended to - final crush. Not only that, we shared a home. Well, close to it, at least. And all I had to do, was come with him when he asked me to; do as he told me.

His demands were mercifully few - but they were big, bigger than I suspected he thought.

He handed me a glass. By the looks of it, it was a tall mustard jar short a label and a cap, recycled into a drinking glass. I smiled a little at that. Duo would not throw away useful things, things that still had potential if in a somewhat different form than it had been initially shaped.

Things like me.

I stopped wiping the glass, and stared down into it. As I looked, it was almost as if it grew shorter, a little wider, a sheen of dark brown coating the bottom, and in the little liquid left I saw my reflection scowling back at me.

Uninvited, my other self told me how I was merely exploiting Duo's generous nature by staying here - not to mention toying with his emotions.

I accepted that as fact, and nodded. I told myself I'd pay him back, somehow. The agreement for manual labor didn't quite seem sufficient. The shimmering face in the drink agreed.

"Drunkard," the reflection accused.

"Yes," I muttered back, sagging my shoulders.

Duo had made me admit it, and I was indebted to him for that. It got easier to say it every damn time - but that alone was a long way from the goal. It was merely a step.

Nobody _wants_ to become an alcoholic. Certainly not me. It starts so innocently; a drink in good company, a small comforter after a rough day at work, a companion with dinner. For some of us, however, one becomes two, becomes three, becomes many, and finally a habit, a vice, an addiction, as each little defeat in life requires a bit of liquid solace or a dash of nerve calmer, until you no longer control it; it controls you.

Once you start down that path, it's remarkably easy to walk forward, but difficult to stop - and you can never really go back. Even if you _do_ stop, the craving remains.

But you can regain _control_.

I hoped Duo's influence would be enough.

Someone touched my shoulder. "You okay there, buddy?"

I blinked a few times, and came out of my thoughts. "Hm? Oh, I'm fine." I put the glass aside and took the plate he offered.

"Thinking about something?"

I hesitated. Telling myself was one thing - telling _him_ was much harder. Instead, I attempted a distraction. "You and Hilde seem... very _close_ friends..." I nibbled at the inside of my lip. "I was wondering if-"

He was grinning. I was lost. "Wondering just _how_ close?" He chuckled. "Well, we're not friends with benefits, if that's what you're angling for. Thought I'd told you that much already."

He had - but I liked hearing it, nevertheless. I wanted my chance, now that it was so close.

Duo made that impish expression again. "Then again... I couldn't blame her if she went fawning all over me..."

I knew he meant it as a joke, but outwards I took it at face value, putting aside the dried plate. "Me neither."

I could almost see him shiver at that, uncomfortable with my feelings for him. I dared a slight smirk.

He rummaged around in the dark, soapy water, glared at me, face blank. "You're gonna keep doing things like that, aren't you?"

Firm nod. "Until you bend, or break."

His lips curled in a slight smile, and he opened his mouth to retort, but kept it down, instead sighing, shaking his head. "You'll get a sore throat."

I shrugged. "If it works, it's worth it - and then I'd have you to soothe the pain."

Duo grew even more uneasy, but didn't reject it. He gave a nervous laugh and focused on the dishwater, as if the few floating bits of coffee grounds could foretell the immediate future - or at least how he could escape this embarrassing moment.

I went easy on him. Unlike Hilde, I wasn't in it for teasing. I was in it to win him over - somehow.

A war isn't won with a single battle, but through countless small ones. With minor skirmishes and probing attacks, perhaps I could find all his weaknesses - and the path to victory. I glanced toward the living room.

An ally would be beneficial, indeed.


	16. Thief In The Night

  
**Thief in the Night**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #54 - 'midnight'.

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night. 

Sure, part of that was the situation with Heero - his problem, his confession... Heck, his crush on me should have been more than enough to keep my mind going for well after I first tried to fall asleep. Despite that, what really kept me awake was the damn lumpy couch.

Yeah, I'd been good and offered my bed up again. Predictably, Heero had declined. I had insisted. So had he. Hilde finally settled the issue by fetching a fresh set of bedclothes and shoving them at Heero's chest. He'd looked a bit baffled, but recovered soon enough.

All in all, I'm glad he finally accepted the offer. The guy could use a good night's sleep somewhere comfortable, for once. The couch and that thing passing for a bed at his old place didn't look like much.

Not that our couch was that much better.

I muttered a pledge to go look for an alternative in the morning. Heero was going to stay here for a while, after all - and once we got all the junk cleared out of the real guest bedroom, we would have to get a bed to fill it with too, since Quatre took the old one.

Hours had passed since I turned off the lights, and I still wasn't more than drowsy. I almost missed the faint creaking sound, recognizing it as my bedroom door. I had been meaning to fix that hinge for ages, but kept forgetting. Or suppressing, perhaps. I know Hilde hates the noise, and using that door was one of my favorite gleeful ways of getting back at her when she wins one of our silly little arguments.

You don't just learn to live with each other's vices. You learn to deliberately trigger each other's peeves too. All in good spirits, of course.

Most of the time.

I closed my eyes, feigned being asleep, struggled to make my breath just uneven enough to pass for that. Heero was up and about, that much was obvious. He was light on his feet, but I could still make it out; bare skin against linoleum. My first thought was that he was going to the bathroom - but the sound didn't move in the right direction.

He was coming closer.

My second thought was that he'd come to watch me sleep, or something. A mild shiver went up my back, and I almost blew my cover.

It wasn't as if I was worried about him watching over me. That thought felt sort of... nice. No, I was more worried about the 'something'. My drowsy mind was more than happy to dream up possible scenarios, spanning a wide specter from fairly innocent to anything but.

I guess the fact Heero changed directions and headed for the kitchen goes to show my imagination is a lot more active than his.

I couldn't help but wonder what he was planning, though. Heero didn't strike me as the type going for a midnight snack.

Unless it came in liquid form, perhaps.

When I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore, I opened my eyes, scanned the room. In the clear, I got up and sneaked as quietly as I could towards the kitchen. At the door, I lined up with the wall, cautiously peered around the corner, studying Heero.

He didn't look in the fridge. That made sense - he'd seen the contents there earlier, and juice or milk was probably not the thing he was searching for. Hilde had done as I'd asked and gotten rid of the few cans of beer we kept around. When Heero went to make his bed - my bed - I had made a quick check of the cupboards, just in case she'd missed or hidden something. Heero was done with the bed before I had the chance to finish or flat-out ask her, though. I was afraid to, anyhow - afraid he'd overhear me, afraid it'd hurt him to know I didn't trust his willpower.

Even if there was some truth in that.

It just wasn't worth it risking a temptation, that's all.

Heero opened the cupboard over the counter, reached for a glass. For a moment, I wondered if he was just going for some water.

Then, he knelt down and opened the cupboards under the sink, reached inside and retrieved a corked bottle of dark glass.

Quatre's gift.

Immediately, I knew Hilde had saved that, knowing it'd probably fetch a pretty penny - and knowing I'd think the same way. She'd hidden it, but obviously not well enough. I cursed myself for missing it when I went for the soap earlier. Heero obviously hadn't, and as he stood up and studied the label, I felt dread creep up on me.


	17. Restless

  
**Restless**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #54 - 'midnight'.

* * *

I don't know how many hours I spent staring into the ceiling of Duo's bedroom that night - both before and after my little excursion to the kitchen. 

I'd caught a glance of the bottle earlier that day. Given how wine usually isn't stored next to the dishwasher soap, I suspect I wasn't _meant_ to see it. I didn't think more of it, either - not until I'd studied the grooves in the panels above for a while.

I was in Duo's bed. That certainly wasn't a bad conclusion for my first day in his home. My only complaint was that _he_ wasn't in there, too. I had changed the bedclothes, if somewhat reluctantly. When I got to the pillowcase, I looked over my shoulder to ensure nobody was watching, brought the pillow to my face and inhaled deeply.

A stupid impulse, but I had done it. I finished my task right after. The cover didn't smell that much of Duo, anyway.

But just enough for justification.

I grew tired of the ceiling and switched to the walls. Clear blue paint on plaster didn't offer much in the way of distraction, either. His bedroom was oddly austere.

I was in Duo's bed. I just couldn't get my mind away from that fact, however innocent the circumstances might be. I felt guilty about him using the couch - I was used to that sort of discomfort. Lying back, sinking into his soft bed, I suspected he had grown out of it.

I remembered the bottle then. I didn't really think beyond that. I got up, walked to the door and carefully opened it. The damn thing creaked, but nobody seemed to notice - I glanced towards the center of the dark room, and as far as I could tell, Duo was still fast asleep. I made my way to the kitchen, careful to make as little sound as possible.

I had found a glass, retrieved the bottle and studied the label. I gave a faint smirk when I read it - this bottle felt so out of place, and I don't just mean its hiding under the sink. My best guess was that it came from Quatre. The guy loves his tea, but still knows his wines. I don't pretend to have the same knowledge. Taste was never as important as quenching the thirst.

Only a quick nightcap, I kept promising myself, my fist around the cork. Just one sip, and then back to bed. Just half a glass. One short drink. A single shot to calm my nerves.

I knew there'd never be just one; knew I was only lying to myself. Sure, I was nervous, but drinking wouldn't make it better - I knew that, but the litany of excuses had become part of the bad habit.

Habit is only a different word for addiction, anyhow.

But I didn't drink that night. I didn't open the bottle and release the genie - or efreet, more like it. Instead, I stared at it for a good ten minutes more, then finally put bottle and glass back where I found them and slinked back to bed.

Once under the covers, I thought of Duo again. He was probably what made me stop - he'd told me drinking would be the only thing that'd make him kick me out - the only thing that would make me lose my chance here. I couldn't risk that, not for something so stupid. Yet, wasn't he the reason I wanted that drink in the first place?

No, that was unfair to Duo. My addiction had triggered the want. Duo was just another of those convenient excuses I could use to lie to myself, make myself feel I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Duo was also my best hope.

I stared into the ceiling again, took a couple of deep breaths, quietly cursing the sandman for missing me so blatantly tonight.

I tilted my head, looked out into the dark room. The silhouettes of my bags met me. To think, everything I owned could fit in such a small place. It was a depressing thought.

A small flick of cloth stuck out from one of the bags. Even in the poor light, I recognized it - an old blanket I had bought at a yard sale a long time ago. It was patched in many places, but still soft and warm. I ventured out on the cold floorboards again to retrieve it. More times than I cared to remember, it had fulfilled its role as a source of comfort - especially in some of the draftier places I had lived recently.

When I combined it with the other blankets, I finally felt at ease. At least I had something familiar with me now, and the added warmth was a boon. I rolled over to face the wall, took a couple of deep breaths. Even with fresh covers giving off an almost sickeningly sweet smell - daffodils perhaps, I'm not that good with flowers - I caught scents older than that lingering in the room. I could almost imagine myself enveloped in his embrace, his warmth around me, the smell of his shampoo and cologne close, soothing whispers in my ear.

Daydreams crossed into their nocturnal cousins, and I finally fell asleep, a hopeful smile on my lips.


	18. Couch Potato

  
**Couch Potato**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1-2(-1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #56 - 'sprawling'.

* * *

I don't know when I finally fell asleep. Not really sure when I woke up either - but somewhere in between there, I guess I noticed the presence. I opened my eyes, found Hilde's face filling most of the view - and damn near jumped out of my skin. 

Only luck kept us from bonking heads. That, and her quick reflexes.

My blanket already tossed aside, I managed to sit up beside her and glare at her menacingly. I don't think my light case of morning hair made me look intimidating enough. "Geez, are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

She only smiled. "Just wondering when you were going to wake up, that's all."

I barely registered that, rubbed my eyes, then hid them in my palms, elbows on knees.

A hand at my back, then around my shoulders. "Rough night?"

I sighed. "You could say that..."

"We'll get a new bed, don't worry." Chuckle. "Have to say you looked comfortable enough though, spread out all over the couch like that..."

I didn't take the bait. Wasn't in the mood for the banter - but I did grow angry. "Why didn't you _tell_ me about the fucking wine bottle?!"

Embrace lifted. She gave me a startled look. "I thought you'd be _pleased_ that I'd saved that one - it's worth a lot. We aren't exactly poor, but I hate the idea of tossing good money away - and I thought you felt the same!"

I deflated then, as the anger came back at me. I sighed into my palms. "I do... Damn it - sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, I just..." Straightening up, another resigned breath.

Hilde wasn't stupid, she could add two and two together. "Heero found the wine, didn't he?"

The question was so cautiously asked, my nod answered in kind. "Probably saw it when I got the soap out last night..."

She gaped, was already on her feet, worry written all over her face. "God... Where is he? We got-"

I grabbed her wrist. "He's asleep."

Pause. She gave me a look that spoke volumes.

"He didn't open it."

Again, that silent look. She sat down next to me.

"I heard him get up last night. I followed him to the kitchen, saw him take out that bottle and a glass, and-" I let out a groan. "Damn, he had me so _scared_ - I thought for sure that he- that he-"

She embraced me then, pulled me over for a hug, my head cradled against her chest. "But he didn't, did he? Have faith in your friends, Duo."

"Yeah..." It took me that long to realize she was fully dressed already, while I was still in my boxers and a crumpled T-shirt. It didn't matter - we'd lived together long enough to ignore stuff like that. I've never seen her naked. The reverse is not true. As she petted and handgroomed my already ruffled hair, I slowly ground my cheek against her bosom, growing a grin. "You know... Heero would be _so_ pissed if he came in and found us like this..."

She shrugged. "Then let him." I tilted my head to catch her smile. "But I'm sure he'd be glad to know you're considering his feelings."

I tensed up for a moment. Under her grin, I rolled over to rest my head in her lap. "You're evil, you know that?"

Snicker from above, soft pinch of my nose. "Took you this long to figure out, huh?"

I tried frowning at her, but did a poor job of it as she played with my bangs again. Some people, I just can't stay mad at for long. I was living with two of them now.

"I'll get rid of the bottle after breakfast, okay? I'll take it down to the freemarket along with the other salvage."

"Thanks..."

Again with that mischievous look of hers. "Though... is it safe to leave the two of you alone like this?"

I groaned at that. "Knock it off, Hilde... It's not funny."

She chuckled at my discomfort, but relented, her hands still. "It'll all work out, Duo. Heero's stronger than you seem to think - didn't he prove that tonight?"

I tilted my head to look out in the living room. "You haven't seen all his weaknesses..." I muttered.

A pause. "True," she admitted. "You know him best."

I gave her an annoyed glare at that, wondering if she meant more than she said. She looked sincere. Not that it lasted long.

"You should put him to work at the yard today. I think keeping busy for a while would be good for him - you need to occupy not just his mind, but his body as well."

"Exact- hey!"

Grinning down at me, she jolted her legs, disturbing my comfort. "Up you go - get dressed. I'll get started on breakfast." She glanced at the door to my bedroom. I did too. It was still closed. "We'll let Heero sleep a while longer - I don't think you're the only one who has had a rough night..."

I was sure she was right. I sat up, stretched my arms, let go of a yawn.

Breakfast was beckoning.

But first, a shower.


	19. Living a Dream

  
**Living a Dream**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #61 - 'dodge'.

* * *

I was glad Duo gave me duties at the yard that following morning. It was only fair. I had to pay them back for room and board, after all. It was definitely a bargain tilted in my favor though, since two friends came with it.

One of which I hoped to make more than just a friend of.

Watching him squirm simply by smiling his way was amusing - but also frustrating. I obviously had my work cut out for me, if he felt uneasy by such a small thing. It also made me wonder if me smiling was unusual enough for him to _be_ that uncomfortable. It didn't feel good to conclude it just might. I hadn't had too many things to be happy about during the war.

I marked it up as another thing to change about myself, second only to giving up drinking. That night had taught me I had not made as clean a break as I could have wished. Only that final hesitation kept me from caving in.

I had to get stronger than that.

For Duo's sake.

For myself.

For us.

It was just a dream, though - the 'us' part. The large majority of dreams tend to stay just that. More dreams become nightmares than become reality.

Sally came that same evening, as she'd promised Duo on the phone when he picked me up. She guided Duo aside for a 'private' talk quickly enough. Hilde and I never caught the exact words, but we could clearly hear the tempers unleashed on the other side of that door. It ended as abruptly as it had begun, though.

Sally gave me a quick examination. Duo stalled her at first, claiming it wasn't necessary. I think he did that only because he knows how I hate doctors and check-ups. Call it a result of my upbringing. He kept on deflecting Sally's good intentions right up until the point where Hilde asked him when he'd given me a complete physical to ensure I was fit.

Short a good answer, he'd left the room right after that, cheeks flushed. I longed to do the same, but Sally didn't let me.

It didn't seem like I had contracted any permanent harm from my time lost in the bottle, thankfully. Sally still took small samples of blood, skin and tissue for future analysis to make certain. It wasn't just alcohol that was a cause for concern. When she saw the tattoo on my back, she went on about the risks of infections, especially with bad craftsmanship.

Dinner that evening was a tense affair. Mostly, we talked about the good old days. It's a bit ironic to consider a time of war and death your best years. We were still young, though. There would be better primes to come.

I didn't want to hit them alone.

The real trouble began when Sally suggested I let the entire gang from back then know I was alive and well - for the most part. I staunchly refused. It wasn't that I didn't like them, or felt like avoiding them - I just didn't want them to know what had become of me. Not before I could work it out for myself. Hilde took Sally's side, claiming I'd only benefit from their support. Duo remained oddly neutral. In the end, I told Sally to let them know I was okay - but not where I was staying, nor what had happened to me. The last thing I wanted right then was to be swamped by well-meaning friends, and only run for the comfort of the bottle again under their doting.

I had given my trust to Duo. I wasn't ready to share it with anyone else, except maybe the other two in the room that night.

Sally accepted that, though - if grudgingly.

I excused myself early and went to bed. I wasn't blind; I could see that she wanted to talk to Duo and Hilde alone - perhaps give them advice, signs to look for - or look out for. I don't know. I didn't want to know.

Sleep came easy. Sally had left before I woke up. Her capacity to sleep on intercolonial shuttles is nothing short of astounding - I learned that much during a flight from Earth to _Peacemillion_. All I seem to get are nightmares. I've never dared tell her, but I almost think she has more the heart of a warrior than any of us pilots - or at the very least, me.

Daily routines took form after that. For three more nights, I slept in Duo's bed. After that, I insisted we swap - I could see the effects the couch was having on him. I didn't want him to be that grumpy all the time, and I certainly didn't want to be the cause of his bad mood.

In the end, it took me hauling him off to his own bed and tossing him in to do the trick.

Only restraint on my part stopped me from climbing in and lie down next to him, perhaps hug him close. Just to make sure he stayed put, of course.

The next morning, the guestroom was ready with a new bed. After a night on the couch, few things could have pleased me more. It also made me painfully aware of what Duo had done for me.

In his and Hilde's company, I could almost forget my problem.

Almost.


	20. Out Of Sight

  
**Out of Sight**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #63 - 'forgotten'.

* * *

Those first few eventful days were in stark contrast with the eerie calm that followed. Between the three of us, daily routines started to form, and it didn't take very long to make Heero one of the team at the yard.

It was all an illusion, though. None of us said it, but we knew Heero still had ways to go. He might have gone cold turkey on the bottle itself, but that was the easy part. Making it _last_ was another thing altogether. Even so, every day was a victory.

It took me over two weeks before I finally noticed. Heero's small triumphs had a price - a rather specific one. Hilde and I had scoured the place after the wine bottle fiasco. Anything deemed dangerous to Heero's ailment was either disposed of or locked away. Hilde kept the key, claiming I would be easier to sway. I didn't argue. Our place was thus safe - but the world outside was not.

Heero was hiding.

The last time he'd been outside our fence was when we picked up the new bed. After that, he'd simply stayed.

Even knowing this, I didn't want to push him. Making the yard a safe haven for him was more important. I decided to give him a little more time to adjust - but perhaps bring him along on the next trip to the grocery store. It looked like going out alone was the scary part. Chaperoned trips might be acceptable.

The calm was eventually disturbed. I'd just gone in for a quick pit stop and was heading back when Hilde cut me off, two slips of paper in her hand. "Duo, what's this?"

It took me a moment to recognize the pawnshop receipts. I had pocketed them when I found them at Heero's old place, hid them when we got back, and promptly forgotten about them. I figured they'd be safe deep in Hilde's underwear drawer - that seemed like the last place Heero would look, if he wanted to snoop around - or hunt for booze.

He did neither. At least not in _her_ room.

I explained to her they were Heero's. In a dark moment, he'd pawned both his gun and his laptop. She pointed out the fast approaching date stamped on the slips.

"We'd better tell him to pick them up if he still wants them."

I started to nod, but halted. "Perhaps we _shouldn't_ mention this to Heero."

"What-"

I cut her off, not wanting a long or loud argument. Heero would notice either. "Look, I came upon them by chance and pocketed them. Heero never said anything about them, and he didn't mention them when he went over what things to bring along. Perhaps they simply slipped his mind, but it's just as likely he didn't want to admit he'd pawned even _those_ things. I mean, I know how much he loved them, and-"

"So, we're just going to let this slide?"

I shook my head. "No. I want to be safe, that's all. I'll go pick them up myself."

She looked about to object, but didn't. Instead, she looked at the receipts again. "...it's not exactly close. Don't you think he'd notice your absence?"

I gritted my teeth. "And who do you suppose I'll ask for help? We promised to keep his staying here a secret, at least for a while longer. I doubt he'd be happy if-"

She relented. "Okay, point taken."

"I think... I'll have to go on a business trip tomorrow night."

She studied me again, not looking entirely happy, but gave in with a sigh, handing me the receipts. "Yeah... We've been wanting to make a bid for the suit wreckage drifting off the L1 perimeter for a while. Think you could file that while you're at it?"

I flashed her a grin, took the slips of paper. It was good to have someone cover for you. "Thanks, Hilde."

Frown. "It's still pretty thin. We could have sent a mail courier."

I shrugged. "It's all in the presentation. Our odds improve with a personal delivery."

She sighed again, glanced at the door. I agreed - this was taking too long. Heero might sober up permanently just fine, but his sense of paranoia dies hard. I should know, suffering from the same. Call it a lingering war wound. "Go. We'll work out the details tomorrow."

I stuffed the receipts in my pocket and nodded.

Perhaps I'd get Heero something nice for his one-month anniversary.


	21. Out Of Mind

  
**Out of Mind**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #68 - 'hollow'.

* * *

When Duo left with so little warning, it triggered my paranoia. While it doesn't take much to do that, the whole business trip reeked of a cover. Hilde had conveniently left some copies of contract drafts on her desk when she went for lunch. Those lent credibility to Duo's story.

I wasn't convinced. The last smile he gave me before leaving hid something. I didn't know what - and I almost feared he was really planning to go see our common friends - tell them where I was, that I had a problem - or problems. What if he had already tired of me, given up on me? He _had_ given me what I took as an 'all clear' to constantly remind him I wanted more than his friendship, but it still went on his nerves as much as his mind.

I couldn't relent, though. All I could do was hope the latter would crumble before the first.

I wasn't in a good mood when Hilde interrupted my brooding - and my own lunch.

"Heero, come look what we've got!"

With great enthusiasm, she pulled me out in the yard before I could give a reply.

The back gate was open, and a huge flatbed truck was backing up. On the flatbed was a tarpaulin-covered silhouette I could recognize anywhere. "A Leo suit..."

"Ah-huh. It was really set aside for Dyson's chopshop, but they were all booked up, so they asked if we could take care of it for them. We'll get most of the fee, of course."

I gave her a dumbfounded look. "They want _us_ to dismantle this thing?"

She put her arms akimbo, grinned at me. "What, are you saying we can't handle it?"

To that, I merely snorted. Of course we could handle it. It would just take a while. At least we wouldn't go idle.

We unloaded the suit, and once the truck was gone, we inspected our latest treasure. It was in remarkably good shape, at a glance it seemed fully intact. It was definitely one of the space Leos from the battle of White Fang and Treize's alliance. There was some blast and burn damage to the surface, but nothing that suggested this suit hadn't made its way back home.

But it couldn't have. All those suits were dismantled almost right after the war. This one had to have orbited the planet as debris for a long time.

We calculated its subcomponents would fetch a pretty penny, putting us well over budget for that month. Hilde went back inside to find something to toast with - orange juice, I guessed.

I decided to have look inside. The hatch worked remarkably well, and with just a little push of a crowbar, I got it opened. The cockpit looked perfectly austere. With some maneuvering, I managed to lay down in the pilot seat.

The monitors were all dead since the engine was off-line. Looked like Dyson's crew had removed the fusion core before dumping this thing on us. That made sense, as the core is an expensive gadget that's easy to remove.

I looked about, trying to figure out what decommissioned the suit. Finally, I found it. Far to my left, a little back - a small crack in the structure with an old, dark spot around.

Ouch. I wrinkled my nose.

It wasn't the suit, it was the pilot. Air has a distinct problem resisting the pulling power of the vacuum of space. This guy must have loosened his straps at the very wrong moment. The result couldn't have been pretty. Or quick. Or painless.

I looked along the left side. There were other dark spots as well, what resembled claw marks. They reached for a small lockbox welded into the suit, but the fingers had never made it there.

My lockpicking skills aren't quite up to par with Duo's, but they suffice.

I still wish my curiosity hadn't gotten the better of me.

There was a picture - probably a backup, judging from the torn strips of duct tape on the main console - of the pilot's family. Husband, two kids. Looked like the man was military too. I quietly prayed his fortunes had been better than hers.

The real kicker was hidden behind it. A gun, and a tiny bottle of unknown, but easily guessed content. A quick fix to celebrate - and another quick fix to escape one death in favor of a marginally less unpleasant one.

I took a closer look. The gun chamber was empty, and I didn't see any spare bullets around. She'd gambled on staying alive, and I had to give her credit for that. It was more than I used to.

I wished the bottle had been empty, too. It wasn't much - certainly not enough to get drunk on, only enough for a victory toast, at best. Tentatively, I undid the cork, took a whiff of the contents, sudden sandpaper in my throat. I swallowed, frowned, ashamed I didn't even have to look at the label to identify what brand it was. Hurriedly, I put the cork back in place, disgusted with myself.

I looked at the gun in my right hand, the bottle in my left, felt the empty pit in my guts grow.

Were these two really my only options to deal with my problem? Give in, or give up?

_Duo..._


	22. Needs

  
**Needs**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #69 - 'traditions'.

* * *

The trip was uneventful - except the home stretch. I was taking the fastest route from the shuttleport back to the yard, and had just entered the last narrow alleyway shortcut when I noticed someone there, waiting for me. "Hilde?"

She kicked away from the wall. "About time you got here - thought you said the five o'clock shuttle."

I grinned in defense. "Sorry, got held up by security. Uh, what are you doing here?"

Smile. "Oh, I was going to pick up a few things at the grocery store. That's the cover story I gave Heero when I slipped out. He's been restless all day - ever since you called saying you'd come back today." Smile to smirk. "...and I have a feeling he's preparing an ambush for you by now. I figured I'd wait here in case you were carrying certain... _items_... you wouldn't want Heero to find out about right away...?"

"Oh... Right." Catching on, I reached for one of my bags. "They're in here. Got a few souvenirs stashed in there, too. No peeking."

Hilde looked at the bag I'd handed her, then at me, raising a brow. I kept my defenses up. "Okay," she said. "I'll head for the store now. Keep Heero occupied when I get back, so I can hide the bag."

I snorted. "I think it's more like he's going to keep _me_ busy - and driving me crazy too."

Snicker. "Maybe... See you later, Duo." Two steps later, she stopped, turned to give me this downright creepy smile full of secrets. "Oh, one more thing. Have a look in the backyard. Heero will show you."

My turn to flag a brow of suspicion. "Show me _what_, exactly?"

She mimicked a zipper across her lips, turned on her heels and was gone.

I could feel my stomach turn. I had this uneasy feeling Hilde had plotted something together with Heero. It probably wouldn't be mean, just something I'd find emotionally uncomfortable - something like mistletoe right above the door, and Heero nearby to take advantage of it. At least, that's what I guessed at the time. You can't really blame me for it - their record on toying with me is rather extensive, and still growing.

The house appeared empty when I got back. I went in, closed the door and managed to get as far as putting down my bag. Then the assault came; two strong arms embracing me from behind, trapping both my arms above the elbows.

Reflexes kicked in before I could help it. I twisted my lower arms to grab at those of my attacker, bent forward with the intent of tossing my assailant off. Halfway through, it dawned on me I was offered no resistance; that it had to be Heero. I stopped, him already plastered across my back. "Heero, what the heck-"

His chin was well over my shoulder, I realized, as quiet words brushed against my cheek. "Isn't it common to hug someone in greeting? To welcome them back home, I mean?"

I suppressed a growl, could almost feel his smugness radiate against my face. I straightened up, allowing his feet to touch the ground again. I started wrestling free, expecting Heero to relent now that he'd had his fun with me - but instead, his grip tightened against my slight struggles.

"Duo..." he whispered against my ear. "Let me... _hold_ you... like this... for a while..."

This was new. I'm not dumb, I figured something was up, but right then wasn't the time to ask. Instead, I tried to relax in his arms, did my best to accommodate him. I thought, if this passive hug was what Heero needed, then what would it cost me to let him have it?

Unasked for, my mind provided an answer as soon as I considered how much too close for comfort his crotch and my rear was. _He_ didn't seem to notice, though - or care.

Silently pledging to grill Hilde about what had happened in my absence, I tentatively placed my hands on his arms. It was all the return embrace our standoff would permit. It was all I dared give.

I hoped it was enough.


	23. Room With a View

  
**Room With a View**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #70; 'window'.

* * *

She withdrew the thermometer from my ear, checked the data display, nodded once. "Thought so. You still have a fever - you better stay in bed for today." She put the thermometer away, handed me a glass of orange juice.

I accepted the offering, but frowned at her message. "I never get sick."

Hilde smiled faintly. "Well, you are now. You probably caught something Duo brought back."

I sipped from the glass. "I'm just as healthy as Duo."

Her smile shifted, as if amused. "Before, maybe - but not after you began-" She stopped mid-sentence, put her hand on my knee. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

I sighed, shook my head. "No, it's okay. You're right..." Another swig of juice, a glance out the window. My new bedroom - their guest bedroom - faced the backyard. Through the smudged glass and old curtains we could see Duo. He was working on the suit, removing armor plating in a not so subtle manner. We could hear his labors just fine, too - both the screams of metal and the occasional curse when things didn't bend after his will. I took in the room again, studied the bottom of my glass before putting it aside on the battered nightstand. "I'm such a leech..."

She gave me a funny look. "what do you mean?"

"_This_," I answered, using my hands to indicate everything. "Instead of working for a living, I'm just lying here and-"

"You're sick!" she interjected. "And it doesn't matter what we agreed on. You're still our guest!"

I looked away. I didn't have the strength for a lengthy argument. Hilde can be just as headstrong as Duo and myself. I rubbed my temples with one hand, sensing another headache coming on. I clenched my teeth at the first throb. "It's worse than that... I've latched onto Duo as well - and what I want, he can't give." I fell back towards my pillow, closed my eyes. "And it's futile. I know he doesn't feel the same."

Silence. At length, I felt her take a firm, but gentle hold of my wrist, waiting for me to acknowledge and look at her. I did. "Duo is still your best friend, isn't he?"

I nodded hesitantly, dull pain thumping inside my forehead. "But that's all I can reasonably expect, too."

Wan grin. "Since when has love ever had anything to do with reason?"

I tried to think about it, and smiled. "Thanks..."

Her grip tightened. "It's too soon to give up, Heero. People change, but not over night - and it's not like he's rejected you completely, is it?"

Snort. "He doesn't dare. He thinks that if he really rejects me, that would push me back over the edge." I glanced at the nightstand, reached for the glass of orange juice.

She watched me take a few gulps. "I think both of us should be careful in claiming we know what goes on in Duo's head. You should just... bide your time. He'll come around, one way or another."

Half a smirk, glass away. "Back during the war," I started, "That's pretty much all we did - wait for chances to strike, for that brief window of opportunity when the enemy faltered, showed a weakness. That split second the other mobile suit would be in your crosshairs." I looked her dead in the eye. "That's what I'm doing, I suppose - sniping at Duo's heart. I'm not comfortable with the thought of exploiting Duo's weaknesses - but I will, if I get the chance."

Sadness surfaced on her face. "The outcome justifies the means, huh?"

I looked away, nodded slowly. "It's him or me, Hilde. Eventually, one of us will break - If he does, I'll do everything I can to make it worthwhile for him. But if _I_ do..." I shrugged, dropped back to my pillow. "It doesn't matter."

The grip on my wrist tightened even more. I winced. "You're stronger than that, Heero."

The thunder against my inner ear was really becoming a bother. "Am I? Did Duo ever tell you about when he found me? About when-"

"That's _exactly_ why I know you're stronger than that," she cut in. "Heero, you've been here for almost a month. You managed to quit, cold turkey. Not many can do that."

Including me, I sullenly thought. Just because my two near lapses had gone without witnesses, didn't mean they hadn't happen. I had resisted then, but for how long could I keep on doing that?

She loosened her grip as I didn't answer. Another loud curse came through the slightly ajar window, drawing our attention. She sighed. "I'd better go back out and help him - You stay here and get well, okay?"

Soft grunt.

Faint smile. "I'll have Duo look in on you soon."

I stared at her back as she slipped out the door before I could reply.

I hoped the headache would fade away soon.


	24. Crossfire

  
**Crossfire**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #71; 'between the lines'.

* * *

I knocked on Hilde's bedroom door and waited for permission. Upon receiving it, I entered.

"How's Heero?" she asked, running a brush through her hair.

"Asleep," I tersely answered, looking around. "Where did you hide them?"

She indicated the middle closet with her brush, shifted one leg off the bed.

As I walked over there, I reasoned her unasked question. "I thought I'd check the gun for bullets," I said. It hadn't contained any the last time I saw it - but that was a long time ago, and it didn't mean Heero couldn't have gotten himself a new set. If we were to give him his gun back, it was better to be safe than sorry, in case Heero got stupid ideas.

I found the right box and opened it, heard the bed sag as she got to her feet. "You look a bit miffed, Duo - is something wrong?"

I gave her a glance, touched the cold metal. "I don't think he's quite out of the woods yet. Might be getting worse."

"You mean Heero?" She put the brush on her nightstand, walked over as I fingered the release for the magazine. So far, so good. "His fever was going down the last time I checked up on him. Why do you think he's getting worse?"

For a moment, I hesitated. Finally, I let it go, sighing in relief as the magazine showed up empty. "He wanted a goodnight hug."

I didn't even have to look to know she was smiling. Damn her for thinking it cute. "Did you give him one?"

My face warmed up. I slammed the empty magazine back in. Good thing it was empty; heat can ignite bullets. "That's none of your business!"

Hilde merely chuckled at my flustering. "Oh, come on - it's not like it cost you anything. You like the guy, don't you?"

I put the gun back in the box, closed the lid. "Of _course_ I like him - he's my best friend."

Discreet cough.

I flashed her a grin. "Present company excluded, of course."

She gave a satisfied smile, but soon set it aside. I think I knew what she'd ask before she actually tried. "Then _why_ won't you-"

"Because I don't _love_ him, damn it!" I slammed my palm against the cabinet door. "Not like he apparently does me, anyway." I turned to face Hilde again. "Look, I don't want to pretend I do, just to make him feel better, okay?"

She thought it over, revised her attack. "...so, you like him so much you can't lie to him anymore?"

I knew from her tone of voice that it was spoken in jest, but that didn't help my feeling of resignation. "Would you give me a break already? It's bad enough that Heero's on me every chance he gets. With you too, it's just too damn much..."

She fell silent for a bit, but I knew she wasn't going to accept that. "You're saying it's okay for him to tease you, but not me?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Whoever said being behind enemy lines was the worst possible experience in war never took a stroll in the wasteland _between_ enemy lines. There, the relentless potshots from either side never seem to end. "I gave him a promise."

She smirked in triumph as I shuffled towards the door, suspecting another onslaught. "I think you actually _like_ all the attention he's giving you."

That gave me pause. I was used to being teased - after living with Hilde for so long, that has become a natural tolerance. Still, why had I gotten fed up with her soft prods, but not Heero's?

I must have stood still for longer than I thought. She hugged me from behind, her arms around my waist, her head against my shoulder. "Give it some thought, okay? You owe Heero at least _that_ much..." She paused. "You owe _yourself_ that much."

I began to move, and Hilde let go without a struggle. Not looking back, I gave her a muttered goodnight and headed back to my own room.

Perhaps I was wrong.

Perhaps it wasn't _Heero's_ not-so-subtle advances I should look out for.


	25. Walking

  
**Walking**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #72; 'balance'.

* * *

I took a deep breath, slowed down a bit and looked up towards the artificial suns mounted at the hub of the colony. For the first time in a while, I was outside the salvage yard - and alone.

I checked my pocket for the note. Hilde had given me a shopping list - or rather, she'd given Duo the list, and he asked me to come along. It took me a glance at the short list to realize it wasn't help carrying groceries he was asking for. I think I caught my frown in time. It was true I hadn't left the yard much lately, though - if at all.

I suggested I go instead of him - alone. Duo was taken aback. "Are you sure?" he asked.

I'd released the frown then. "I'm not a kid, Duo. I can handle going to the store alone."

For a second, it almost looked like he didn't believe me. I didn't miss the sudden quiet over at Hilde's chopping block either. Still, he handed me the shopping list and some bills, doodled a crude map on the back of the list and let me go.

I checked my map again, took a right at the next intersection.

Across the street was a hardware store. I made a mental note. The broken dishwasher badly needed some replacement parts. After spending a few nights battling the damn machine, I was beginning to understand why Duo hadn't been able to fix it.

I was not about to give up, though.

A barber shop to my left. The model posters in the window made me slide one splayed hand through my ever-growing bangs. I needed a trim soon, unless I wanted to match Trowa's hair style.

A look back across the street - and I froze. It was a small liquor store. In the show window all the bottled temptations of the world were lined up. My throat dried up. I swallowed, pursed my lips. Frowning deeply at myself, I forced myself to start walking again, steps quick and hard, walking to jogging to almost running before turning a corner.

Short of breath and growing dizzy, I leaned up against the brick wall of the bakery I'd just run past. Calming down, I glared towards the corner. I was angry with myself for being tempted. I'd felt the money Duo'd given me burn in my pocket. If I'd lingered a minute longer...

I checked the map again. I don't think Duo mapped this route intentionally - he probably didn't even think of what shops were on this street. It was an understandable mistake. The liquor store was small enough to be easily missed by anyone not looking for it.

I hoped I could find another way back. With my luck, I'd pass an open bar.

Being an alcoholic is not a matter of drinking or not. I'll never escape being one again. Sometimes, it's a very fine line between being a recovering alcoholic and an alcoholic wreck - perhaps not so much a divider as a tightrope of sobriety, the deep abyss waiting the moment you stumbled.

I had my two greatest addictions pitted against each other - and I knew one would destroy the other for me in the end. Which, I could only hope for. The only thing I appeared capable of was running away from my problems, instead of facing them.

I would have to change that.


	26. Home Is Where

  
**Home Is Where**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #73; 'fall/falling/fallen'.

* * *

They say waiting is the hardest part. It certainly feels that way when your patience runs low.

I paused my pacing across the kitchen floor and checked my watch again. With a low growl, I went over to the window. "Just where the heck _is_ he? Even if there was a queue at the checkout counter, he should have been back by now!"

I really don't like Hilde's expression of faint amusement. It tends to come hand in hand with jokes at my expense. "Duo, don't worry - it's not like we told him to come straight back home - besides, I don't see why he'd stay away from here - not as long as he's fastened his lifeline to _you_."

I gave her a glare, lost the will to maintain it. "I wish it wasn't secured around my _neck_..."

Arms akimbo and head tilted _just_ so, she applied her best 'resigned mother' tone of voice. "_Duo..._"

I pushed the curtains aside again, trying to see around the scrap pile on the left.

Footsteps behind me, a palm on my shoulder. "If you're so worried about him, why didn't you go with him?"

Snort. "As if he'd have let me. You don't know what he's like when he's on a mission to prove himself, Hilde. If I'd tried to follow him, he'd have been really offended." I checked the time again, barely suppressed a growl.

"You drew him a map - where did you send him? Down Lancaster, past the park? If I were him, I might have-"

I shook my head. "Through the back alley to Hobson's Street, down to the intersection and out on Faulkner. That's the fastest way, right?"

Her hand slipped off my shoulder. Sensing something was amiss, I gave her a glance. "What?"

She looked way, pursed her lips, hesitating. "Duo... There's a small liquor store on Hobson's..."

What she implied, hit me. Wide eyes at her, then towards my jacket. Three quick steps there, stretch of arm-

Her hand closed around my wrist before I could get my jacket off the rack. "Duo, stop."

I tore my hand free. "Hilde, fercrissakes! We sent him out there alone! If he-"

"I _know_ - but you rushing out after him would do him no good. Heero has to learn how to cope with his problem - learn how to stumble ahead on his own, as well as catch himself. We can't wrap him up in a bubble and protect him forever!"

I frowned. "And what if he falls flat on his face?"

She reached for my arm. "Then we do our best to comfort him, help him back on his feet - and give him another chance at walking."

I was about to argue, and probably would have said things I'd regret, had we not been interrupted by the sound of the door at the back of the house opening and closing. Her grip on my arm tightened, and she gave me a comforting smile. I hate it when she's right. Good thing she doesn't rub it in.

Much.

I breathed easier as I heard Heero's voice call out "I'm home!"

It'd take until nightfall for the meaning of those simple words to truly hit me.


	27. Gun In Your Pocket

  
**Gun In Your Pocket**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #74; 'revelations'. Uhm, went somewhat overboard against this week's challenge, and the text is thus quite a bit longer than usual.

* * *

"To a month of not drinking!" Duo raised his mug of soda and waited for Hilde and me to match him, clinking our harmless brews together.

They'd planned this for a while, I was sure of that. Hilde had stocked up more than the usual reserves of soft drinks for the weekend, and Duo had bought two new holotapes the day before, suggesting we watch them tonight. There was no shortage of snacks either.

I can't sufficiently express my relief they skipped a cake.

The company was nice, though. I'd rather not have had this tiny party in the first place, but given the circumstances... It was nice to know I'd lasted a month - not that I hadn't had my close calls. As Hilde went to get herself a refill, I muttered something before taking a swig of my beverage.

"What's that?"

I had hoped he'd ask. I tried to limit myself to a smile, rather than smirk outright. "Can't we drink to one month of living together instead?"

It was tough not to laugh as Duo caught some of his drink in his windpipe, coughing to get it out. I had to give him credit for not spilling anything. His frown didn't suppress my grin. A glance over at the far counter ensured me I wasn't alone in finding this amusing.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Duo sighed. "I wish you'd stop doing that - saying things like that, I mean."

I shrugged. "It's the truth, isn't it? Besides, you like me teasing you."

"I do _not_," he growled. "And before you say it - I don't love you either."

It hurt, but I tried not to show it, keeping a mellow smile as I tilted my head. I knew better than that. Somehow, I had to make _him_ know better than that. "That's a cruel thing to say, Duo..."

Snort. "That's the truth, too."

"Is it?"

There was no hiding the fluster in his voice. "Of course it is! Why would I be saying something like that if it weren't true!"

"Denial?" I cautiously offered, taking another swig. Not getting an answer, I pushed on. "Perhaps fear that if you gave in to me even a little, it'd all be over? That if we... kissed or something, you'd magically turn into my love slave?"

Duo pinched the bridge of his nose, probably warding off a headache. "Now, _look_-"

Our fight wasn't spiteful - if it could even be called a fight. It wasn't the first time I sparred with him like this. Despite what his words said, the fact he kept answering my teases, taunts and suggestions encouraged me. I swore to myself that one day, I'd get another answer out of him than the ones he served me almost on reflex.

I briefly wondered what kissing him would be like - a lips on lips kiss, not a peck on the cheek. I didn't exactly have a great deal of experience in that department. Somehow, I didn't think he had either. We'd both learned to distrust people from the moment we met them, and not give up that cautiousness until their true intentions had shown.

We hadn't trust each other when we'd met, either. It had taken months of minute approaches for us to form anything close to a friendship - but we'd gotten there. If I hadn't been a guy, perhaps we'd have gotten further faster.

Or perhaps if Duo wasn't so damn stubborn, so damn afraid to admit-

An arm heavy around my shoulder, glass mug in the corner of my right eye, Hilde's cheery mug in the corner of the left. Duo's face a lot closer right ahead - idly, I calculated a step forward and a quick tilt of my head would be all that was needed.

But I didn't want to steal what I ought to be given.

"Make love, not war, boys," she told us with a grin, before letting us go again.

Duo glared at her, at me, back at her as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I say we listen to the woman," I told him, smirking.

All his scorn was redirected at me again. My surface mirth was obviously getting to him. It was a small victory, but always bitter. He sighed. "You just won't give up, will you?"

I shook my head. "Not until you give in."

Snort, gulp of soda. "I think I'll break down long before that."

I nodded, trying to sound serious. "Then... I'll do my best to mend you."

Duo rolled his eyes. "_God_, can you _get_ any more corny than that?"

Soft chuckle. "Is that a dare?"

Duo didn't answer me, just stared at me for a moment, then went off for a refill.

"I would only be repaying my debts, though."

He spun on his heel, face caught between a frown and bafflement. "What, have _I_ ever gone after _you_ with a vengeance, or something?"

Grin. "I think I would have remembered if you had - and I'd never have let you go."

He sighed again, rubbed the top of his nose and started walking towards the counter again.

"What I meant by repaying... You've put _me_ back together again, Duo." Quick glance to our spectator. "You and Hilde. I'm grateful for that - for you taking me in temporarily."

By his sagging shoulders, I could see those words had taken the fight out of him - at least for now.

Hilde came over, touched my arm. "You're welcome, Heero. We've always got room for a friend." Grin. "And it's not like you haven't worked for the privilege of staying here."

Duo turned around slowly, leaned up against the counter. "She's right - you've done a good job here, Heero. Thanks." He grinned as well. "Even if you weren't able to fix the dishwasher."

I frowned. "I'm not done with it yet. I'll make it work, just give me some time."

It was good to hear him laugh. "Yeah, that's what I used to say. Glad the job's all yours now."

Hilde groaned, her grip on my arm tightening just a bit. "Well, if I had anything _negative_ to say about you staying here, that would be it. Because of you being just as stubborn and convinced of your inborn male engineering gifts as braidyboy over there, we _still_ haven't got a working dishwasher."

Snort. "You will have. Some new spare parts and a day's work, that's all I'd need."

Their light snickers almost gave me the impression they didn't believe me. I smirked.

---

The holotapes were pretty good. The first one was, according to the cover, a remake of a remake of a remake of a pre-colony situational comedy - in short, a classic. I wished we'd had the original for comparison. Despite being in two-dimensional tones of grey rather than three-dimensional color, it had to be better than this. The second was a suspense thriller, just as forgettable.

It didn't matter. Both movies left ample room for us to make fun of them - and I wondered if that was what Duo had in mind when he got them. It was turning into a good evening.

Which was probably why I thought the quick exchange of looks Hilde and Duo suddenly shared to be ominous, indeed. Up until then, I'd enjoyed sitting between them, Hilde beside me on the couch, Duo in the chair at my left.

"Should I go get them?" she asked Duo. I glanced from her to Duo, caught him grinning. Not too long ago, I only associated that with the danger of an impending practical joke.

I hadn't found all that many other things for it to herald.

"Yeah, sure."

She got up, walked hurriedly towards her room. Confused, I turned to Duo just as he hunched forward, sighing, face growing serious. "Heero - now, please don't get mad. Hilde and I got a gift for you."

For a moment, I feared it was a cake. Reason told me Hilde wouldn't have hid something like that in her room, though.

"See... Back when I picked you up..."

I tried not to tense up, nor mull over the words. He had picked me up, in one sense - if not two. He'd fetched me from my cozy little hellhole, and he'd pulled me up from my personal abyss in the process. I was still waiting for him to pick me up in a third way, though.

He started over. "Well... I never meant to snoop in your business, okay? It's just... I found some pawn slips on your table."

A chill down my spine - not so much for having completely forgotten those artifacts as for the fact he knew what I'd done. How desperate I'd been for money.

I'd pawned them rather than sold them, hoping I'd be able to buy them back later. It wasn't as if they were overly dear to me, but they were still mementos. I should have at least remembered them - but then Duo had come along - invited me along - and nothing else seemed to matter after that.

Hilde was coming back, carrying a black bag. She smiled at my baffled expression, handed me the bag. "We thought you shouldn't let go of these just yet, that's all."

Tentatively, I nodded, opened the bag and reached inside.

Cold metal at my fingertips. I froze for a moment, suddenly reminded of the gun in the Leo cockpit. At least this one wasn't loaded - not with bullets.

Not that memories couldn't be just as dangerous.

I hooked my forefinger around the trigger, felt the rest of the digits follow suit on instinct, taking a firm hold of the grip. Familiar, yet alien. It was a time I'd put behind me. My promise to Relena was still valid - and I wasn't particularly worried about breaking it. The one I'd made to Duo, and by association to Hilde, was another matter.

What they didn't know, wouldn't hurt them.

I put the gun aside, went for the other object I knew was stowed away in the bag. My old laptop. _Old_ laptop. Duo used to call it a museum artifact. He was right - it certainly _looked_ like something out of a pre-colony exhibit, but that was only on the surface. The interior was entirely custom. Had he never noticed I didn't own an extension cord?

I wasn't even aware I'd put the tin can in my lap, smoothing my palm across the surface - not until Duo tapped the corner of it, shaking me out of my reverie.

"Bit risky, don't you think? You never let me as much as _touch_ it way back when. What makes you think nobody's fired it up and found all your secrets?"

I smirked, huffed. "I'll agree pawning it was dumb - but _I_ wasn't. The drive is twice encrypted, the memory cache overwrites itself all the time, and if you boot it up, you'll have to provide three separate passwords." I met his eyes. "I didn't turn it on at the pawnshop - I don't know if he tried to afterward."

Duo chuckled. "Given how glad he was to get his money back, with some interest, I'd say he gave it a go. He didn't say anything, though."

I shrugged. "Figures." I reached for the gun again, put it atop the computer. My past, that's what it was. Killing, thieving, coldly observing and dealing out judgement. Never again. It was good to have reminders of that.

The lump forming in my throat was uncomfortable to say the least. I was grateful to have the gun and laptop back, but not because they carried more than symbolic meaning to me now. What mattered was that Duo had gone through the trouble of bringing them back to me.

I don't cry often - but I came fairly close then.

Pre-empting the tears, I put the objects aside, stood up and hugged Hilde, courtesy of being closest. Muttering her a thanks, I went for Duo next, grateful he did the graceful thing and hugged me back. I lingered, even after he patted my back a second time.

There were many things I'd have wanted him to whisper in my ear. "Don't push it, okay?" wasn't exactly among them. Feeling impish, I grazed my lips to his cheek during my retreat, arched my pelvis forward as I stepped back.

The expression on his face made it all the more worth it. I didn't miss the faint blush he tried to hide by turning around, either.

It was working.

At least, I hoped so.

I glanced down at the couch again, another old memory surfacing. I smiled. "...perhaps I _did_ leave something precious behind on it, after all."

"Oh?" he asked, halfway across his shoulder, going for another gulp of soda.

"Do you remember the micro-camera J sent us?"

He looked up in a far corner, thinking it over. He snapped his fingers as he turned around again, face as calm as ever. "You mean the one we used to take snapshots of OZ' weapon schematics? In that raid just before New Edwards? Yeah, I remember."

I nodded. "Remember how I tested it out first?"

Recollection brought a weak frown to his face. "Yeah, I remember..." he grumbled.

Smirk. "Well, I saved some of those pictures."

It looked like that was just what he feared I'd say. "I thought you said you deleted all of those."

Nod. "From the camera, yes. I stored a few on the laptop."

His jaw worked air. "You didn't... save _that_ picture... did you?"

I mocked a zipper across my lips, just as Hilde came down on my shoulders, hugging me from behind. "What picture?"

From the corner of my eye, I glanced at her, looked back at Duo. "I'll let Duo tell you."

He was already frowning. "I don't _believe_- You mean you _kept_ that!"

"What picture, Duo?"

The way his face puckered up, stifling an outcry, didn't make it seem likely he'd tell her. I don't really see why it was such a big deal to him, anyway. It wasn't as if it was as compromising as another picture I'd taken while experimenting with the stealth possibilities of the tiny device. He knew about both.

Perhaps it was because he looked damn sexy in the second, but messily cute in the first - at least in my eyes.

Not many of us like to know what we look like when asleep. We think we're all calm and collected, but that's usually far from the truth. Sheets get tangled even during sleep, after all.

Hilde still clinging to me, I picked up the laptop, handed it to Duo. "Tell you what, if you want to know for sure, why don't you have a look?"

With disbelief he glanced at the computer, then at me. "I thought you said you put-"

"The passwords, Duo. They all give prompts. Keywords. They're meant to make no sense to anyone but me - and perhaps those who know me well." I nodded to him. "Like you."

For a moment, I felt a chill going through the dead silent room.

I started pulling the laptop back. "Or do you want me to make posters?"

Grumbling, he snatched the device out of my hands, and stomped off to his own room. "I'll get it _right_ back to you," he growled, laptop upturned in one hand.

It was a lot lighter than it seemed - I'd made sure of that, too.

"What picture...?" Hilde whispered in my ear.

"Unless you can convince Duo to share, that'll be between me and him, Hilde."

Snort. "Spoilsport." She let go, started clearing away the empty bowls and bottles.

I offered to help, but she waved me away. It wasn't much to clean up, anyway. I picked up my gun, went back to my room and sat down on the bed. The gun felt heavy in my hand. I smoothed my fingers across the barrel, tried to remember how many times I'd fired this weapon, tried to forget the faces of those I'd aimed at.

Except Duo's.

I never did formally apologize for that - not back then.

Then again, he shot me first. And second, for that matter. At least I never actually pulled the trigger on him. The Buster Rifle doesn't count - and I wasn't really aiming for him then.

I don't know how long I sat like that. I didn't even notice when Hilde came into the room, only flinched as she touched my shoulder.

"You okay, Heero?"

Tentatively, I nodded. "Yeah... Just... remembered things, that's all."

She sat down next to me, put an arm around my shoulder, leaned in against me, watched the gun I was fondling in my lap. Her closeness unnerved me - not so much because I disapproved, but more because I wanted her to be someone else. I never voiced that, though.

She chuckled softly.

"What?"

Hilde pointed at the disorganized pile of clothes strewn across a chair at the other side of the room. "That. You guys are so alike, you know that?" After a quick tightening of her half-hug, she let go of me and got to her feet, brushing across the back of my head as she did so.

I soothed my ruffled hair back into place. "What do you mean?"

"_This_," she said, demonstratively holding up one of yesterday's socks with the tips of her thumb and forefinger. "Laundry should go in the hamper right away so it'll get washed. It shouldn't stick around to flavor the air."

"Sorry..." I all but whispered, embarrassed.

Grin, quick roll of socks and unmentionables into an almost clean, but somewhat odorous T-shirt. "And to think I figured you for more of a neat-freak than Duo..." Wink. "Or is it just that you're rubbing off on each other?"

I felt my face warm, looked away, disgruntled.

"Want me to put this in the hamper for you?"

Nod. "That'd be great - thanks, Hilde."

From the corner of my eye, I caught her tilting her head at me. "No problem, Heero."

I went back to my gun, my contemplations. My fingertips caressed the barrel once more before I found it all oddly perverse. Hurriedly, I put the gun aside, noticed Hilde turn the pockets of a wrinkled pair of jeans inside out - and I suddenly remembered. I got to my feet, got as far as shouting "Don't-"

And it was too late. I could tell from her face that she'd found it. She rummaged about in the pocket, fished out the tiny glass bottle, cork still tightly sealed, the meager, dark content sloshing softly.

Clenching my teeth, I met her shocked expression, and her wide questioning eyes, just as her face shifted into a frown.

This was going to be one of those _long_ nights.


	28. Rosetta Stone

  
**Rosetta Stone**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 challenge #74; 'revelations'. Uhm, went somewhat overboard against this week's challenge, and the text is thus quite a bit longer than usual.

* * *

There's no denying I thought Heero seven kinds of bastard as I sat down with the laptop and hit the power switch. The worst thing was that I wasn't really sure he _had_ kept the particular picture I loathed. He hadn't really said either way - but there was only one way of making sure.

And I knew there was a reason he'd given me this rotten deal, too - which of course meant, it had to be in the passwords, or something he'd put on the desktop. Suggestive wallpapers came to mind, and was just as quickly pushed aside. At first, I thought he meant all of this as a test to see how well I knew him - if I knew what made him tick. That was half the truth, I suppose.

Heero hadn't lied when he said the three ciphers would be meaningless to most people. Heck, it took _me_ long enough to figure them out, and few know him as well as I. Sad, but true.

The blue-black screen tossed up a small prompt box, twelve white lines beneath, the phrase 'Days of scars' above as a hint. It took me about five minutes of thinking and some completely random attempts at passwords to guess I was looking for numbers - two sequences of six; two dates. That's when the crude stabs in the dark followed - along with some major reminiscing. The whole year of the war went in review in my head as I tried pegging down dates that seemed to fit.

In retrospect, I had to have been damn focused. I never even noticed the loud argument a bit further down the hall, much too obsessed with getting rid of the embarrassing picture that the laptop probably kept safe for Heero. I never heard the door slam either - but then again, Hilde never puts all her force into it, not unless she's _really_ mad. I was told about their confrontation later, after we'd all cooled our heads again.

The first date was easy to guess - that was the day in late April I met Heero - and promptly shot him. The bastard has never been good at following orders. Even at the yard, he has to do things his own way.

It took me nearly an hour to get all twelve numbers right, mostly because I tended to lose track of time while in OZ' holding cells. See, the second date was the day Heero _didn't_ return the favor of shooting me, even when I asked for it. Even after remembering the occasion, finding the exact date took a while.

Thinking of that moment still sends chills down my spine. I'd meant it as a joke, but Heero, bastard that he is, obviously considered it.

Yeah, he's still a bastard - even if he's a different Heero than back then, in more ways than one. Not that I haven't changed too. It's strange, really - to think how much _less_ carefree I feel now that my life is peaceful, compared to during the war, when every new day was a triumph.

Watching the first prompt disappear made me grin, pump a victorious fist - only to be slammed in the face with the demand for the next password. Damn the bastard.

I thought of what I looked like sleeping, and put my mind to the task at hand. The hint this time was as familiar as incomprehensible - simply the word, '#Deathscythe'. At first, I thought the fifteen lines below were a joke, and the grid sign a typo. Turned out that wasn't the case.

I don't know how many times I hammered in one refused attempt after the other, before finally reasoning the grid sign prompted me for Deathscythe's _number_. Of course, that left me with the task of figuring out which number Heero meant. Its designation was only two digits. I couldn't think of any dimensions or specs of my old pal that would require as many as fifteen digits, not separated in any way.

Finally, I absentmindedly typed in a damn simple substitution cipher - 4, 5, 1, 20, 8... eleven numbers, fifteen digits in all, matching the eleven letters.

The prompt vanished, and the screen went black again. I stomached a cheer, a bit baffled Heero had gone with such a simple code.

Of course, the biggest hurdle was the last - and I suspected the easy second cipher was to make you feel all the more frustrated when confronted with the troublesome third. I certainly did.

The damn laptop asked me a question this time. 'What does whole me relax make?' glared at me in white letters. I figured there had to be a reason the question was set up the way it was; the answer was not simply what could make Heero relax. Presumably, he didn't mean what could make the _computer_ relax, either.

No lines were given this time, leaving me at a blank for the length of the answer. It was obviously meant to be the true stopping point for anyone who didn't _really_ know him.

I made many lame guesses at the quirky question, trying to think of the things that could possibly put Heero at ease. 'Sleep', 'food', 'friends', 'work-outs', 'success', the long shot 'love'... A bit ashamed of myself, I even tried 'liquor'. None of them worked. Frustrated, I felt like throwing the damn machine against the wall - I probably would have, if it weren't Heero's.

It probably would have made a hole in the wall instead of being damaged, knowing its maker.

_Knowing its maker..._

I looked at the question again, thought about the weird way it was phrased. Heero wasn't that simple. What made whole me relax? No, that wasn't it. What did 'whole me relax' make?

I grabbed a pencil and a notepad from my desk, scribbled down the letters 'W H O L E M E R E L A X' and tore the paper into pieces with one letter each. Then I began jumbling them together in different patterns, tried to find a word. After a long time of getting nowhere, I sighed and arranged them back into the original sequence.

For a moment, I wondered if I'd been wrong after all - that the question wasn't more than it was. That I simply had to figure out what was supposed to make Heero relax, feel comfortable. An object, perhaps. Maybe a concept, or a thought, or a... person.

My eyes lingered at the letters 'A X'.

A thought struck me, and I began moving letters around, soon enough glaring down at a name. My own. 'MAXWELL'. I glanced at the remaining letters, and for a moment, caught my breath. Another name. Damn the bastard.

Turning back to the computer, I hurriedly typed in the password, smiled despite what I felt as it was accepted.

I should have guessed quicker. Heero's obsession with me was deeper than I had thought. Was _that_ what he wanted, in the end? Not just me, but my name and a vow as well? Unwanted, the image of Hilde in an ugly bridesmaid's outfit flashed my mind's eye.

Grimace, brief clenching of eyes. Putting that thought aside, I started skimming the drive for picture files, soon enough coming across the one I'd feared finding. A picture of myself, soundly asleep, limbs scattered every which way, body half twisted around a crumpled sheet, the bedspread beneath me just as wrinkled, and the pillow - which my head was only halfway resting on - almost diagonal against a corner of the bed.

The fact my loose hair was a royal tangled mess and that my mouth was gaping and sporting a trail of drool trailing down one cheek didn't make it better. The grey tank top with Mickey Mouse on the front riding up my stomach and the white boxers with red hearts - both novelty gifts from Quatre, worn for a dare, I swear - just topped it all off.

I damned Heero again for taking the picture - and for not deleting it, despite the hell I raised the first time I saw it. Before I could regret it, I marked the picture and hit the delete key.

I almost regretted doing that when the next picture in line popped up as a result. It was me again, another full-body shot - but I was very much awake this time. My hair was down and unbraided, wet after a shower. My back was to the camera, but my head was turned slightly, leaving most of my bare back visible. My skin was still damp too, and the pair of black boxers I wore clung to my rear.

I hadn't been as pissed over this one, even if it was taken without my knowledge. I mean, I looked _good_ in this one. Heck, I even found the filename Heero had picked to be somewhat flattering. I didn't mind being labeled 'sexy' - even from another guy. At least not Heero. Somehow, that only went to show he'd fancied me for a good while - and I never noticed.

And you have to admit the nickname 'sexy' sounds a hell of a lot better than 'sleepyhead', which the other one was aptly titled. My finger hovered the delete key again, but after some hesitation, I let it pass. I didn't mind so much if Heero kept that one, for some reason. It wasn't as if I planned on posing for him like that ever again - not knowingly. Thankfully, the camera had long since been destroyed.

A week later, Heero clued me in on this thing called a 'recycle bin'. A bastard to the last, that man. I'm _still_ tracking down new copies of 'sleepyhead'.

Even back then, I suspected there were more than one copy of it, so I searched the rest of the drive thoroughly. That's when I came across a text document, stowed away in an anonymous folder. Given the bland file name of 'log.txt', I probably would have passed it by, had I not by chance opened it. _'February 14th, 197 AC'_, it began.

It was a journal - a diary. Heero's diary.

I should have closed it as soon as I realized that - but before I knew it, I was reading, skimming one sad story after another. It was as if Heero had documented his downward spiral. Every entry was as terse as it was depressing. Mentions of jobs he couldn't keep once they realized who he was, and much later, _what_ he was. A casual comment of how he'd randomly strolled into a bar one day after being fired again, ordering a drink by asking for what the guy next to him had. A remark on how he'd puked his guts out later that night.

He described how he started hesitating in picking up the phone when he saw our numbers, not wanting to talk to his friends and accidentally admit he wasn't handling civilian life very well. In the end, how he decided not to answer at all.

After another job rejection, the not-to-be employer citing his lack of documented education and experience, he wrote of how he'd simply packed up and left one day. He'd overheard some barfly talk about something called a 'walkabout' a few days previous, and thought the idea was worth exploring.

A few of the entries spoke of him traveling around, even enjoying himself a bit before his limited funds dried up. At that point, he'd apparently ended up in the urban slums I'd found him in. June fifth, that was. _'I've found a place to live,'_ he wrote. _'Like most of my life, it stinks - but the rent is cheap. Bumped into a few of the neighbors. Plan to invest in new locks - not that I've got much worth stealing. I just don't want to get stabbed to death while nursing a hangover.'_

Mentions of trips to various employment agencies, welfare offices and soup kitchens followed - along with the bar trips.

Through every successive entry, each more terse than the previous, some with less than steady spelling and grammar, I could follow him down. How he, between the occasional odd-job he couldn't hold on to and slim welfare checks, started turning his run-down apartment into a bar in itself - one permanently out of stock, as the barkeep downed the inventory.

Some of the things he'd typed while intoxicated made it sound like he'd found some comfort at the bottom of the bottles - and lost it again as soon as he woke up from his stupor, mind feeling close to implosion.

The tattoo incident was mentioned, as was how he'd sold off some of his meager possessions for more booze money one month the welfare checks came late. He told of one time when he'd been mugged heading back from a bar. He had fought back, but had been too drunk to put up a good fight, leaving him with some impressive bruises and a split lip once they found out he had nothing worth looting in the first place.

The last day of December was tough to stomach. _'I'm not alone tonight,'_ Heero had typed, as if wanting to delude himself about his self-imposed solitude. _'I'm going to have a hell of a time together with my man - Jack Daniels.'_

January was a very quiet month, February not much better. It was getting tougher to read - in part because of the content, in because each entry now seemed to be typed while drunk. I started skimming after that, the few glimpses a sober, lucid mind in between remaining all that caught my interest.

Then, hitting the page down button no longer moved the scrollbar. I'd reached the end - the final entry. It was a clear moment, one in which Heero mentioned he was short of money again, and out of stuff to drink. He wrote he considered pawning the gun, perhaps the laptop too, just to afford something to eat - and drink - until the next social security check.

The worst was his conclusion. _'I keep asking myself when I'll hit rock bottom. I'm not sure there even _is_ one anymore... Maybe I should just give up.'_

I checked the date again - it was only a few days before I'd shown up at his door.

I rubbed my cheeks, my eyes. Damn the bastard.

He made me cry.

I closed the journal, shut down the laptop and put it aside, intent on finding his shoulder, along with the rest of him. We had to talk; I had more than one thing I wanted to tell him, things he really needed to hear.

But first, there was something I had give him.


	29. Genie

  
**Genie**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #75; 'master'.

* * *

She was pissed.

That's the gist of it. There was shouting, gesticulations, harsh arguments - and all the while I tried to explain the presence of the liquor bottle. It was tough breaking through her verbal assaults long enough to get as much as a fragmented sentence through.

It took me a long time to reach Hilde - to make her at least _understand_, if not accept.

Yes, I'd bought the bottle. No, I hadn't used part of the grocery budget, but some of my own hard earned cash reserves. Yes, I knew I should avoid alcohol. No, I didn't plan on breaking my promises.

It was a challenge. The bottle, I mean. A challenge to myself, a means to seek mastery of my addiction. I planned to keep that bottle close at hand, a constant temptation to be met with vigilant resistance, a tangible reminder of how little it'd take to lose what little I had - and how little I'd get in return, if I succumbed.

I think she got all that - but she certainly wasn't happy when she left, growling something about getting some air. The door closed firmly soon after.

Left alone, I grew restless. I sat on my bed for a while, then glanced at the gun a mere reach away. Frowning, I stood up, started pacing the dimly lit room. Sleep was something I didn't even want to attempt, not until Hilde got back, until I could convince her of keeping this from Duo until I could break the news gently.

It was not like I'd actually touched the alcohol. There was a fixed boundary of glass between me and my at one time 'aqua vitae' - my 'water of life'.

"Heero..."

I froze, turned to face the door. In the light from the living room, Duo looked positively frightening, especially with that particular mien, his expression caught somewhere between disappointed and frustrated. I swallowed hard, feared Hilde had already returned - had already told him. He took a step forward, I took one back, half-expecting him to take a swing at me, yell at me how stupid I was to go and buy alcohol, even if I wasn't planning to drink it.

When the attack came, it didn't quite happen the way I'd imagined.

His arms around me, not his hands at my throat.

I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. As soon as the surprise faded off, I hugged him back, afraid to do more, much less say anything that'd ruin it.

Duo isn't weak - and he didn't hold back on his strength. "Duo," I finally wheezed, "I can't breathe..."

I could feel the jolt in his body. His grip loosened, but didn't let me go by a long-shot. Resting my chin on his shoulder, breathing a bit easier, I smiled. Life was good.

Until he spoke again, embrace growing tighter. "Why the fuck didn't you _tell_ us!"

Panic. God, he knew. Hilde _had_-

"Suicide is _not_ an option, okay?" he hissed against my ear. "You're _not_ alone anymore, Heero. You got lots of friends - people you'd make sad. Don't make me sad, got that? Killing yourself is _not_ an option - it wasn't during the war, it isn't now, and not _ever_, you hear me?"

Not sure what to think, I smiled meekly, nodded as much, then glanced at the back of his head, not able to do much more. His voice was off, a bit hoarse.

"I... found your diary," he whispered, sounding ashamed of himself.

Realization. "Oh..." I'd forgotten all about that thing. Some of what I'd written down while fairly sober slowly resurfaced in my mind. I grimaced, but held onto Duo. It wasn't that I was angry with Duo for reading - most of it was stuff he already knew, or guessed, or reasoned. "It's okay - and I'm sorry. I... Back then, I'd lost sight of what I wanted..."

The room fell silent for a while, and our hug started to dissolve. "I'm still not gonna marry you."

It took me a moment to understand. _The last password..._ I smiled. "I haven't even proposed yet."

"Yeah, but you've certainly suggested it - you must have known I'd find that last clue eventually, when you got me to search your laptop for that picture."

I didn't answer right away. I suppose that was an answer in itself. "I'll ask you for real when the answer is right."

He tensed up. I rubbed his back. He tensed up even more. "...isn't that 'when the _time_ is right'?"

I slowly nodded. "When you answer yes, it will be."

Silence. He even started to relax again. I saw a spot on his neck next to his braid that I wanted to kiss - but I didn't dare. "I'm sorry I read your diary..." he mumbled, chin hard against my shoulder.

"Journal," I corrected. "And forget about it. You knew about all of those things already."

"Not all of it..."

I nodded, made slow circles across his back with my palm. "But most of it."

From him, I didn't have many secrets left. Didn't care to, want to, either.

Except perhaps one.

"Heero...? What's that?"

Smile to grimace. My turn to tense up, squeeze him tight. Behind me was my nightstand.

On my nightstand stood a bottle.

It was becoming a long night, indeed.


	30. Different Paths

  
**Different Paths**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #77; 'redeem'.

* * *

I couldn't believe him.

I could believe him all too well.

To say breakfast was a tense affair is an understatement. I can't remember anymore if I ate anything. I do recall none of us said a word. Only around lunch did we start talking - small apologies, for the most part. Who went first doesn't matter now.

I hadn't been too happy when I first realized what the bottle was. Angry and more than a little disappointed, I said a lot of things I regretted even before the dawn lights of the colony went on.

A few hours at the yard after breakfast, taking my frustration out on scrap, helped considerably. The short exchange over lunch helped more.

I started to understand just what the bottle _represented_, rather than what it was. It was an obstacle, one Heero had deliberately set in front of him so that he could overcome it. I suppose I should have expected something like this to happen - Heero has always had a knack for facing challenges head-on rather than skimp around them. He's never fond of me comparing him to Wufei in that regard.

Still, I wasn't thrilled about it being in the house.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't trust Heero to be strong enough. It wasn't the first time - but I'd never really worried about his _mental_ toughness. We've bumped our stubborn heads together more than once, disagreeing on everything from take-out to life and death mission tactics - and we're good at carrying grudges.

Yeah, I'm still sore about that fist to my stomach - among other things.

He's still sore about me shooting him - and it's such a _tiny_ scar now.

It was just dumb being angry about it, anyway. Heero had found his way to battle his affliction, all I could do was worry - and seen as an isolated incident, him downing that bottle wouldn't be a problem. There was no way he'd get drunk of such a small amount - but the symbolic effect of it...

I knew he would beat himself up over emptying it way more than I ever could.

Dinner turned out to be a civil affair. As long as the bottle was there, things wouldn't be quite the same as before - but at least I could learn to tolerate its significance - how important the manifest reminder was to Heero. Hilde didn't say much - none of us did, really - but I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. This was Heero's call to make, and all we could do was support his decision.

Heero ran out just before dinner. At first, I thought he was just skimping kitchen detail - then I'd remembered it was his turn to do the dishes. I briefly wondered if he was planning on getting some spare parts in a last ditch attempt at getting the dishwasher operational in time.

The food was already on the table when he got back. There was a clatter as he passed the kitchen nook and rushed to get seated. "Sorry I'm late."

I grinned. "That's okay, it's just Hilde's meatloaf anyway - not like you'd have missed anything."

A snort, a soft slap to the back of my head. I snickered.

She knew I was only kidding. Her meatloaf is actually pretty good - sure beats my attempt at lasagna, a fact she's quick to remind me about whenever I comment her cooking. I think I can _still_ sense the aftertaste.

At least boiling potatoes is within my culinary abilities. Even the gravy was my doing - mixing powder, milk and boiling water, I can do that too.

We'd just finished - or thought we'd just finished - when Heero told us to wait. He dashed back to the kitchen and brought back a small package wrapped in tin foil, putting it on the table before returning for plates. "Careful, it's hot."

It was. I suppose he put it atop the stove earlier to keep it that way. Carefully, I unwrapped it, smelling the contents before seeing it.

Warm apple pie.

I must have been staring with my mouth open, judging from Heero's grin as he handed me a plate and fork.

I knew it was store-bought, but that didn't matter. I knew the bakery; they make damn good apple pie - and almost right out of the oven like that is the best.

Heero had apparently found an alternate way to my heart - namely, through my stomach.

Damn the bastard, I thought with a grin - and dug in.

Pie forgives all.


	31. Working Pipes

  
**Working Pipes**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #78; 'stained'.

* * *

The trouble about being born stubborn is not knowing when to quit. Sometimes, that's a quality. Other times, a liability. Occasionally it's both.

The dishwasher and me would be a good example. It refuses to work properly, I refuse to quit playing with its insides until it does. While I grew to learn the reason for Duo's gleeful checkups on my lack of progress, I was not about to admit defeat to a damn machine.

We're still using the sink.

I had messed up a small portion of the kitchen floor with spare parts, dishwasher innards and rags to put them on, as well as assorted tools and plumbing utilities when Hilde came in, tapping my foot to notify me of her presence. It wasn't necessary; she knew I had heard her approach - but she craved my attention also.

Reluctantly, I paused my battle with the water intake at the far back of the machine and scooted out, wiped my hands on my grimy T-shirt. "Yeah, Hilde? You want something?"

Lopsided grin. "Still not giving up?"

Grunt, faint smirk. "Sorry, no." Glance at my nemesis, then at her. "You wouldn't happen to be sabotaging this thing when Duo and I aren't looking, would you?"

She paused, gave me an ambiguous look that lasted a tad too long. "Heero, I know you're on laundry detail this week, but I figured I'd pay you back for helping me with the front yard this morning."

I turned my back on her, started tidying up the mess I'd made. I wasn't going to win today either, that much was obvious. "You didn't have-"

"_So_," she pushed on, "I scouted the bedrooms for laundry too - and decided to take the bedclothes while I was at it."

The hair at the back of my neck prickled. Slowly, I straightened up, turned to face her. Damn if the girl wasn't smirking. Not quite ear to ear like Duo sometimes did, but close enough.

I felt like I'd been caught with my pants down.

Again, close enough.

She folded her arms, leaned her hip up against the counter. "Look, it's none of my business, and I understand that you sometimes have to find..." Sly smile. "_Release_ for your urges."

The very tone of her voice made my cheeks heat up.

"What I'm getting at is, why don't you attempt being subtle about it and lock yourself up in the bathroom, like Duo does?"

I must have spaced out for a moment, since the next thing I recall was Hilde snapping her fingers an inch off my nose. "What?"

Grin. "I bet you were thinking about locking yourself in the bathroom _with_ Duo."

My face reached the color of ripe tomato. I was about to deny it - and it would have been the truth; my thoughts up to that point had been of Duo going solo - but now that she'd given me the idea, or rather, the fantasy...

"Heero?"

Again, she'd startled me out of my thoughts. "Huh?"

Chuckle. "Well, none of my business what you dream about," she begun, voice trailing off. "You're not doing... _weird_ things, are you?"

Raised brow. "What do you mean?"

She pushed away from the counter, shifted her footing, tapped the counter plate with her fingers in a random pattern. "I was just thinking... you don't abuse his laundry, do you? Like, put on his used underwear, or something equally gross and kinky?"

Again, food for thought - if with a sour tang. Literally. Judging from her expression, there was a tad of real concern in her jesting. I shook my head, tried to smile, deciding to give her a nugget. "No, I haven't done that - but I admit I did sniff his shorts once."

She gaped. A far better expression than her smirk, in my opinion - at least when I'm on the receiving end of it. "Seriously?"

Grin. "Only once. Curiosity got to me, among other things. Second thoughts didn't - and believe me, it wasn't roses."

Slow recovery, soft laughter.

"I think... I'd prefer direct smells rather than worked-up second hand scents."

Again, her jaw drooped - albeit, her mien of amuse remained.

Speak of the devil, and he appeareth. Speak of Duo, and he arrives late - or just on cue, depending on perspective.

He stood in the doorway, a towel around his shoulders, preventing his damp hair from soaking his two sizes too big T-shirt completely. Absentmindedly, he used a corner of the towel to dry out his right ear. Glances to Hilde, me, the mess on the floor. Grinning, he asked "What's going on here? Having plumbing problems?"

Hilde and I exchanged looks - and started laughing. After a brief pause, seeing Duo's somewhat startled expression, we went at it again. He'd obviously meant to take a poke at me and my failure with the dishwasher. Ironic how a joke can backfire.

At length, he just shook his head in resignation, muttering something about weirdos, and walked off. From the hallway, he told us to let him know when the kitchen floor was cleared. It was his turn to make dinner.

Hilde stayed behind for a bit and helped me clean up my mess for the second time that day.

The shower I took soon after was a blessing.

And unless someone listened in at the door, none would be the wiser.


	32. At The Core

  
**At The Core**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #78; 'stained'.

* * *

We had worked on the Leo for longer than expected. We'd stripped most of it down, inside and out. Some of the instrument panels, wirings and large hydraulics remained. The former was what I was wrestling to bits that morning, picking at plastics and circuitry from the unupholstered pilot seat.

I'd seen the rift in the plating, back at the left - as well as the dried-up smear around it. Couldn't help but pity the former owner. Through the cracks is not a good way to go. Good thing this suit was going as pieces of scrap and not a whole unit; I wouldn't give much for its resale value with that sort of paint job. Didn't look like the stains would come off even with a steel brush.

Mobile suits and ships are somewhat alike in that regard - nobody likes a 'dangerous' ship, or the name of a ship that's gone down once already.

Nobody would want a suit that killed its former pilot.

Except crazies like us Gundam pilots, perhaps. We all sent our suits to death and resurrection - except Heavyarms. Trowa took that duty in on himself instead, more than the rest of us. Then again, we all tend to do a good job on ourselves even _without_ the help of haywire mobile suits or enemy fire.

I muttered a quick prayer for the last owner, apologizing for picking apart her ultimate grave marker. Grimly, I wondered if I should carve out that section of plating and send it to her family. I'm glad I decided against it.

I'd come across the lockbox welded into the side days ago. Faint clawmarks lead the way there. I'd murmured another quick request for forgiveness before flicking the lid open.

I knew I hadn't been the first to spot it, or open it. The hack job at the lock was one sign, the marks of disturbance in the dust inside was another. There was no question who'd checked the contents before I did; Hilde prefers sorting the scrap or do second-hand demolition - the sort that requires a bit more subtlety than Heero and I care for.

Heero'd obviously run out of patience near the end there, judging from the wedge marks - probably from a screwdriver shoved in and turned over, unlocking the box with more brute force than finesse.

He'd probably taken a good look - and put it all back in a hurry.

Perhaps Hilde had returned at an inopportune moment. The gods know she's good at that.

I grazed my fingers along the stains again, glanced down at her husband and young sons. Now, _this_, I would send to them. That much, they deserved - along with the knowledge her that last thoughts were for them. The details weren't necessary.

I'd already disposed of her old handgun and the small bottle of liquid comfort. I didn't need them. Hilde didn't need them. Heero _certainly_ didn't need them. He had a gun of his own, and he kept his personal little fortifier close to his heart now.

My eyes lingered on the family photo once more.

Nobody has it all. Something always has to give.


	33. Beams And Motes

  
**Beams And Motes**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #80; 'flawless'.

* * *

I studied the data crystal pinned between my thumb and forefinger, watched as the shimmering holographic light within reflected vast amounts of information; a near endless sequence of photons signalling zeros and ones, ons and offs, momentarily amazed that so much could fit in so little.

Putting the crystal away, I looked up at the wall above my bed. Then again, some things were better blown up to scale and put in full view.

Earlier that day, after copying a few select files from my laptop into the crystal, I had run an errand, stopping by a photo studio to get a small set of posters done. I'd limited myself to three motifs. I was admiring the first one now. An old photograph, taken back during the war. Duo had undoubtedly seen it stored on the computer, but for some reason, he hadn't deleted it. I wasn't sure that meant approval of me doing this, though. There was something inherently kinky of having a full-body poster of Duo on the wall above my bed, especially one with his backside bare, short of black boxers clinging to damp skin and a cascade of long, unbraided hair to one side, the profile of Duo's somber face showing.

"You know," I heard from behind me, "I've lived with him for years now," Hilde started, studying the second poster across the room. That one, Duo _had_ deleted - which was all the more reason I'd picked it out of the recycle bin and put it on my wall. If the first made me lustful, the other made me smile. "I'll admit he can be a fun guy to hang out with, but I still can't see what you see in him - which I guess is really a good thing."

I could almost hear her grinning. Another wartime photo, but of Duo sleeping, not in the most flattering of poses, nor attire. I wondered if he still had that tank top with Mickey Mouse on it, or the white boxers dotted with red hearts.

If not - well, there was the next birthday gift.

I reached out to touch the first poster, putting my hand on the two-dimensional shoulder. "I see perfection..."

Not getting an answer right away, I glanced over my shoulder and caught Hilde's incredulous look.

My lips curled into a smirk. "I'm laying it on too thick, huh?" Sighing, I trailed my fingers down the poster boy's side, caressing the paper. "Well, I suppose when you like someone enough, you start to ignore whatever faults you once saw..." My fingers picked at the hem of the boxers, unable to slip inside. Shaking my head, I stepped away, turned around. "Or at least most of them." Grin. "I don't think I'll ever get used to his snoring."

She laughed, came over to stand next to me to admire sleepyhead Duo. "Be careful about putting him on a pedestal - you might never reach him." She paused, subtly rubbed her chin. "You know, Duo is probably going to go through the roof when he sees these..." She gave me a glance out of the corner of her eye. "But that's the point, isn't it?"

I shrugged indifferently. In part, she was right. It is so much easier to create feelings of hate in others than love. No matter what I did, my attempted advances usually frustrated Duo more than anything. I wasn't going for tolerance, nor acceptance. I wanted it all reflected back at me.

I looked over my shoulder. At least - this way, I'd have a life-size facsimile of him to admire. Three of them, actually - one even looking content in the care of my own shadow. I turned to face the door, where the third poster was placed. This picture was new, a snapshot Hilde had taken only last week, when Duo had hesitantly agreed to let me help him brush and braid his hair after a shower. I'd taken my time, but he hadn't complained. Hilde had captured his soft smile perfectly. I only wish she hadn't captured my sad look of longing just as well.

Stuck at the back of my door, Duo would probably never see it. It was probably better that way. I'm not sure how he'd react if the idea of us being domestic together reached through his thick skull.

My hand slipped into my pocket almost automatically, clutching the bottle tucked away there. A picture might tell a thousand words, but does it tell the truth?

Duo didn't love me, at least not like I wanted him to. I hadn't given up my mutual hold on alcohol, at least not like he wanted me to.

My fingertips brushed against the data crystal, and absentmindedly I picked it up, held it up against the light, catching my faceted mirror image.

We all crave perfection, in ourselves and in others. Yet, none of us are flawless. Worse, it's much easier to see discrepancies in others than fixing your own faults.

I felt the beam in my own eye well enough, but couldn't remove it. Then, how was I supposed to pick the mote out of _his_ eye, and make him _see_ me?

"You look cute together," Hilde suddenly commented, breaking me out of my reverie.

I looked away, grinning sheepishly. To that, I had no good answer - not as long as Duo's was 'no'.


	34. Behind Door Number One

  
**Behind Door Number One**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #81; 'perfect fit'.

* * *

I hate laundry duty, I really do. Sure, the washing machine does the hard part, and the drying rack takes care of the next part, but then there's fluffing and ironing and folding and - well, you get the picture.

Hilde's delicates are a whole different matter - but a chore is a chore. I suppose it's still better than trying to suck the fuzzy dust bunnies living under the couch down a vacuum cleaner's long throat. I'm through with killing the almost innocent.

I was just about finished for the evening, though. I had delivered one pile in Hilde's room, another at my own, leaving the bottom of the basket for Heero. Now, the blue plastic tub was pretty darn big, and it didn't really balance well on one knee. Therefore, I didn't have a chance to knock. Instead, I pushed the door open with the front of the basket, thankful the door was ajar. "Heero, fresh laundry for you."

He was resting on his bed, reading a book - one he scrambled to put away in his nightstand drawer. I might have thought enough of it to ask, if I hadn't caught sight of the thing on the wall behind him, over his head - namely, a poster. A huge poster of _me_, basically half-naked. 'Sexy' was back to haunt me, and not quite as discretely as I had once suspected.

My jaw dropped, as did the basket, thumping against the floor and partly rolling over. "What the f- _Heero_!"

He got to his feet, glanced once to the nightstand, then gave me a smirk. The bastard was actually _enjoying_ my outrage. "It's only some decoration. I thought the wall looked bland, so I put up something I liked..."

Palming my face, I counted quickly to ten and well beyond, not wanting to throw a bigger hissy fit than I already had. I decided to turn and walk away without a word.

I got as far as the first part, confronted with my restless self in the 'sleepyhead' picture.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Only without the basket this time. The first poster was a fleeting memory.

I spun on my heel and glared at Heero, wanting to reach out, grab him and give him a good shake. "_What_ is _that_ doing here!" I exclaimed, pointing at the offending picture.

His smirk persevered. "I couldn't resist... You look too cute in it."

As if calling me cute wasn't enough of an insult to my macho sensibilities, he had the very image I absolutely hated blown up on a poster. I gnashed my teeth, closed my eyes in a long, hard blink. "But I _deleted_ that image!" I cried out, suddenly remembering.

Heero nodded. "Yes - but you forgot to empty the recycle bin."

"The what?" I glanced over towards his workdesk as I realized. Again, I covered my eyes with my palm, rubbing my temples. "D'oh..."

Heero's door had slid halfway close while we argued. I'm not sure whether it's because of the colony spin or a slight lean in the foundation of the house that, but all the doors are like that.

Not that it mattered. I was about to head off, again thinking silence was the best answer, given that the bastard undoubtedly kept copies. Calm negotiations later might work, brute force and rage right now would not.

And thus, I noticed a third poster in the shadows. Fearing the worst, I approached and hurriedly closed the door to get a good look. From behind, I heard Heero scramble after me. If anything, that convinced me it had to be bad.

It was.

And it wasn't.

The two of us on the living room couch, him braiding my hair. Last week resurfaced. I remembered how meticulous he'd been about it, how careful he'd been not to tug the hairbrush, how methodically he had woven the coarse strands together. He's good at it, I admit that.

...had I really smiled like that?

I caught a glimpse of Heero's expression next, and felt a faint pang in my chest. Why did he have to look like that? I mean, I could guess why, but... Was I only leading him on by letting him stay? Or, was it something else with his presence - something I hadn't even known I wanted?

I must have been staring at the poster intently, given how I didn't notice Heero approach from behind until his warm breath brushed against my neck, and his arms went around my waist, pulling me back against his chest.

I don't know why I didn't react right away - why I didn't wrestle free and take a punch at him.

His chin rested against my shoulder. "Hilde said we look cute together..." he all but whispered.

To that, I had no answer.

Not until his lips touched my cheek. "Have you ever wondered what it feels like to kiss another guy?"

At _that_, I tensed up and struggled free, meeting only token resistance. I paused only to give him a quick stare, then retreated out of the room, well aware that he was smirking.

To hell with the posters - he could keep them. The _real_ me, however, he wouldn't get quite so easily.

His question rooted itself in the back of my mind, though.


	35. Intentions

  
**Intentions**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #83; 'preparation'.

* * *

I thought I could take advantage of Duo being away on business for most of the day.

I thought wrong. I momentarily forgot the third resident.

Too caught up in the attempt of making the mix of flour, sugar and butter crumbly like the recipe suggested, I didn't notice her approach until it was too late. The creak of the kitchen door closing - along with a loud chuckle - gave me pause, and I turned to send an angry look in her general direction. "I told you to stay out!"

Her loose fist did a bad job at covering the smile it was positioned in front of. I scowled back. Was it that I was cooking? Was it the 'Kiss the Cook' apron? Or had a spec of flour strategically placed itself over part of the second o?

"I knew it was your turn to make dinner, but you got started so early - I was curious." Hilde looked at the counter where bags of flour, salt and sugar were lined up, along with a big bowl of apples and other ingredients - and quite a few dirty dishes for later, matching the rest of the mess I'd made of the kitchen so far. "What are you making, anyway?"

I hesitated for a moment, but what was the point in subterfuge? "Apple pie," I said curtly, returning to the bowl at hand. "The look he had on his face when I brought that pie back - I want to see it again." I glanced over my shoulder. "And I want it to be all _my_ doing - something made, not bought."

She looked far too amused, so I focused on the mixing bowl again while she walked over. "Well, I never figured you for a chef," She began. She leaned in next to me, dipped a finger into the second mixing bowl on the counter before I could stop her. Vengeance was sweet - or judging by the subsequent grimace on her face, anything but. "And I still don't," she concluded, pursing her lips. "Are you sure you didn't mix the salt and sugar bags?"

I frowned at her. "There shouldn't be _any_ salt in the filling, just a pinch in the crust batter." Disheartened, I checked. She was right. I cursed. She raised a brow, but said nothing. "Flour, sugar, salt, baking soda, cornstarch - why does it all have to be white powders! It's like they _want_ to be mixed up!"

Hilde grinned at me. "Most people can tell the difference by _taste_, if not by appearance."

A scowl later, I put my mixing bowl aside and sighed. "So I messed up _again_..."

Bafflement. "Again? How many times-"

"This is the third," I answered truthfully. "First time I let it stay in the oven too long. Second time, the crust never solidified, but the apples inside burned. Both tasted to match." My turn to grimace. "I've had mouldy ration packs that didn't taste that bad."

Her eyes scanned the counter. "Looks like you've got enough for another attempt."

"That was the point," I explained, glaring into the countertop. "I bought the ingredients in large volumes. My intent was to _perfect_ the recipe - but at this rate, I'll be happy if I could get through the damn thing successfully even _once_."

She moved up behind me as I was talking, snaked her arms around my waist and hugged me from behind. Her chin rested effortlessly on my shoulder, once again reminding me of my slight height impediment. I gritted my teeth and let it slide. Besides, the embrace felt nice. It wasn't Duo, but it _was_ nice. I hadn't been that close to a woman since Relena realized I wouldn't turn into the knight in shining armor she'd once fantasized about.

Her hold on me tightened. "I'm jealous," she said softly. "Duo is so lucky to have you..."

Faint smile. "He doesn't want me."

She didn't take the bait. We'd had that argument too many times. "If he proved himself the idiot he is and passed you by, or you decided he wasn't worth it... would you go for the next best thing?"

I sensed the vague touch of hope in her inquiry, and smirked. "Quatre's taken."

A snort right in my ear, quick clasp of embrace, subsequent release.

I go started at my next batter. Fourth time's the charm. Fifth, if necessary. I could probably go eleven if I had to.

"Want me to lend you a hand?"

Hesitantly, I nodded. I wanted to do this all by myself, but at this point, a second pair of hands and eyes might be useful. "Could you peel and slice some more apples?"

"Sure," she said with a smile.

For a while, we worked in quiet. I had good hopes for this batch. The dough felt right this time. I was down to the last clean pan, too. The pile of dishes was growing quite large. I shot a glare at the broken dishwasher.

"Just one question," Hilde started. "You've got the dessert for tonight covered, obviously - but what are you planning for the main course?"

It wasn't until then I realized I hadn't. Ever since entering the supermarket that morning, the quest for the perfect pie had taken over my mind. "Uh..."

She snickered. "That's fine - we still have some leftovers of Duo's casserole from yesterday."

I grimaced. There was a reason there was anything left.

I could see her memories matched mine. She sighed. "Your pie will have much to make up for, Heero. You'd better get it right - for all our sakes."

I nodded, half a grin on my face. "Roger that."


	36. Break Point

  
**Break Point**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #84; 'duct tape'.

* * *

"You're being childish."

Barely audible huff, evasive and sour look.

"He's already _said_ he's sorry - several times."

Still no answer.

"Goddammit... He was only trying to fix it, Hilde! He didn't _mean_ to-"

Her eyes locked on me and fired. "I _know_ it was an accident - but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed about it! He used _duct tape_, for crying out loud! Who in their right mind uses duct tape to fix a broken vase!"

Not for the first time that evening, I rolled my eyes. "Heero already explained-"

"He ran out of superglue. Fine, I can accept that - but why didn't he just go buy another tube instead?"

"He said the crystal fractured into too many tiny pieces - there was no way he could get it completely watertight again without-"

She gritted her teeth and growled. I shut up. She took a slow, deep breath. "Look," she started, voice far calmer. "I _know_ he meant well, but... that vase..."

"What about it?"

Her expression turned a cross of disappointment, frustration and surprise. "You don't remember?"

Mine matched the latter somewhat. "Remember what?"

The former took over hers, and she gave the far wall a soft glare. "You really don't, do you..."

Again, I opted to keep my mouth shut. Heaven knows I'm good at blowing things when I open it.

"You got it for me - at the flea market last year. You'd caught me looking at it the first day, and went back to buy it for me the day after, as a late birthday gift."

"Oh..." I started, covering up with a sheepish grin, itching a spot at my right wrist.

She glared at me, then mellowed over. "Think he can put _that_ back together with a swab of tape?"

To that, I had no good answer. Instead, I opted for an escape, wanting to wait until she'd cooled her head a bit more. "Well - I don't know. I'll go ask him."

Before she could protest - or toss a cushion at the back of my head - I fled the living room for the hallway.

Only to enter Heero's room.

He was sitting at his workdesk, glancing at the mended vase occasionally, but mostly focusing on the small glass bottle his fingers lazily played with. I didn't notice the latter until I leaned in against the workdesk. A faint glance of acknowledgement, another soft slosh. I sighed. "You know... I really hate it when you bring that thing out..."

I barely heard the grunt.

The vase caught my eye again. It hadn't been worth much - the crystal looked cheap, and the thing was already chipped in several places when I bought it. Hilde had liked it, though - and that was all that had mattered.

Now, the parts of the engraved paisley pattern still visible had been given a silvery backdrop and new sets of chips. Globs of dried superglue plugged the larger gaps. To prove a point, Heero had filled it to the brim with water and stuck the daisies back in.

They didn't look in much better shape than the vase. Perhaps the adhesives were tainting the water.

Heero has always been a fan of functionality over aesthetics - inherent value over looks. The patchwork on the desk was a testament to that - as was the pie he'd served for dessert the other night. The main course had been the casserole I'd made the day before, only reheated. I had hoped never to see it again the first time. I'd been greatly disappointed.

I hadn't been in a particularly good mood when he put another pan on the table, smiling nervously. I'd been about to ask what the heck the unidentifiable mush in the pan was when Hilde kicked me in the shin. She knows me too well, having received more than one wisecrack of mine over unsuccessful dinners she made.

I could take a hint, and took a generous helping. It wasn't until the first mouthful I realized it actually _was_ apple pie. It certainly looked worse than it tasted - and after a scoop of my own casserole, the pie was heaven for my tastebuds.

Under Hilde's discrete glare, I even remembered to compliment the chef.

My shin was grateful Heero's consequent smile was to Hilde's satisfaction. I admit, I was jealous of Heero right then. Hilde is quick to take care of those she cares for - and she'd obviously grown to like Heero since I brought him back.

And now, something completely stupid appeared to threaten their friendship. A small part of me wondered if I shouldn't exploit this to escape their inevitable tag-teaming of me. I'm glad I chose differently. Heero had knocked the vase over by accident, and he'd attempted to fix the damage immediately - if by somewhat unorthodox means. He _had_ gotten the vase to 'work' again, if nothing else. He'd meant well.

"Is she still mad?" he finally spoke.

"Less than before," I told him. "She'll get over it. It's just a vase."

His hands stopped, fingers closed around the bottle cap. "To us, maybe. It must have meant a lot to her."

"Yeah..." I breathed out. "I'll go talk to her again. Don't worry, she'll have forgotten this tomorrow. She's not the sort to carry a grudge." I grinned. "I'm still alive, right?"

He rewarded me with the inklings of a lopsided smile, but kept his eyes trained at the bottle.

I pursed my lips as I pushed away from the workdesk. "And I have now."

"Have what?" he turned to ask as I was halfway to the door.

A curious expression is better than a depressed one any day. I grinned back. "Your question. That's my answer."

I let it sink in a bit, glad to finally see him smile. I was relieved he understood, sparing me the discomfort of spelling it out. I was even happier to see him glance at the bottle one more time before pocketing it.

It didn't prevent me from feeling mighty uncomfortable as I returned to the living room, expecting a couch cushion in the face.

While I didn't get that, her fierce glare more than made up for it. I opted for the single chair rather than the free couch seat next to her. "I can buy you a new one..."

"It wouldn't be the same," she said with all the petulance of a child.

"I know... but nobody can put Humpty-Dumpty back together again, not even Heero." Grin. "All we can do is mourn the loss and wrap the body in long strips of linen."

She flagged a brow at first, but I got my smile. "Idiot," she mumbled.

Nod. "That's me. Come to think of it - I can probably hawk that vase at the next flea market as some fancy art decor stuff. 'Made by a starving artist', or something like that. There's bound to be a rich sucker out there ready to buy both the story and the vase."

A soft chuckle. Progress. Then she lashed out to give my shoulder a soft punch, face growing serious again. "How is he?"

I snorted. "After how you yelled him out over that piece of crap, how do you think?"

A meek "Oh..." She suddenly focused on my right hand resting on my knee, causing me to look also. "What's up with you?"

"Huh?"

She nodded towards my knee. "You're tapping your fingers. You only do that when you're feeling skittish. What did you and Heero talk about?"

The bad thing about living with someone is that eventually, they pick up all your little quirks and habits, occasionally enough to know you better than yourself. Hilde was a quick learner, and sometimes I hated her for it. "Nothing special," I said, my left hand digits soon mirroring the rhythm of the right.

Thankfully, she knew better than to push for a straight answer. Her slight smirk told me she drew her own conclusions - which probably wouldn't be too far off the mark. She stood up. "I'd better go talk to him - patch things up again."

I nodded in agreement. "He's really sorry, you know."

"I know... I'm sorry too - for getting so riled up about this."

"Tell him, not me."

Smile. "I plan to." She leaned in and hugged me, didn't let go until I slapped both palms against my knees. Then she was off to see Heero.

I thought of the makeshift vase again, started a chuckle. It ended with my face in my hands, in close to a sob.

I hated that damn bottle. I had to give him something to hold on to instead of that.

I'd told him the truth earlier. Sure, I'd thought about it, after he'd planted the idea in my head. I never specified _what_ I'd thought about it, though. In the end, I suppose a kiss is just a kiss. Lips are the same on both genders, so why should kissing a guy be any different from making out with a girl?

But I knew all too well what _would_ be different from any other kiss I'd given, received or shared up until that point.

I'd be kissing Heero.

And that made all the difference.


	37. Steeplechase

  
**Steeplechase**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #86; 'steel'.

* * *

_You can do it._

But Duo's answer had been anything but clear.

_You can do it._

What if it was all a ruse, intended to keep me hanging on to false expectations?

_You can do it._

I trailed my fingertips along the barrel of my gun, then put it back in its box and closed the lid. I packed the cleaning gear away and cleared up the clutter I'd left on my desk. The motions of gun maintenance were so familiar my hands had worked almost on automatic - and much too fast.

The brief and impulsive distraction had vanished. In its place idleness returned - along with the thoughts. I could feel the shivers return to my fingertips, and I started tapping a rhythm against the wood.

I offered my nightstand a glare, echoes of the gilded lettering on the book inside it mocking me for my lackluster follow-through. It was all its fault. It was that damn book that had suggested I ought to be direct if there was something I craved so badly.

Honesty and pertinence has its perils, but the book suggested both were usually worth it - if there was even a remote possibility the craving could be satisfied in the first place.

I slammed my palm against the desk. What a bunch of hooey.

Then again, the author had also wrote that you only reap what you sow; what you prepare for. That, at least, had been decent advice. Asking Duo about kissing appeared my best move yet. I shook my head again, still having trouble believing I actually dared do all of it - hug him like that, kiss his cheek, if lightly, and whisper those words in his ear. I had gambled everything on that he would stick to his word.

He had - but now I wanted to push Duo's limits again, just to see _what_ he had thought on my subject of choice. He never really said, only left me hoping. Bastard.

Cornering animals is a dangerous business, though. Cornering a human is worse. If I simply went for his lips unwanted...

Again, I started a steady cycle of four beats and a pause. My free hand slipped down into my pocket and closed around the familiar small object there.

Just a drop. A thimble. A single shot. Just enough to get rid of the shakes. My severe case of nerves. Body memory knew alcohol would do good in that regard, numbing it all out. I'd forget everything, if I just took a sip or two. Or three. Or...

I wanted to. I wanted to cave in so badly. Pursing my lips, I pressed my eyes shut, clutched the bottle so hard the few sharp edges began clawing at my palm.

_...the only reason he'd kick me out..._

I let go and pulled my hand out, interlaced my fingers and started twirling my thumbs. A deep breath.

It was no use. I would have to go the line alone. Liquid courage was not allowed.

Either way, I would risk everything - for everything else.

Again, I thought of that damn book and growled. It offered no real clue when nerves were involved. It was as if the author automatically assumed anyone reading the book also had the guts to follow its lead blindly. Again, those cursed golden letters flashed my mind.

_'The Art of Seduction'_, indeed...


	38. Small Deceptions

  
**Small Deceptions**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #92; 'next time'.

* * *

"Yeah, I'll let him know if I see him," I finally answered, relieved he didn't push further. "Thanks..." There was a click and dial tone. Slowly, I put the receiver back down.

"Who was that?"

I sighed as I faced Hilde. "Guess."

"Quatre again?"

I shook my head. "His other half."

She nodded in understanding. "That's the second time this week. Another message for Heero?"

"Yeah..." I pushed away from the wall, fisted my hands and growled. "I'm so fed up with this already! Why do we have to cover for him every time our friends call! They're _his_ friends too, damn it! He shouldn't keep them at a distance like this!"

"_We_ are the ones keeping them off his back," she pointed out.

This was true enough. Heero never answered the phone, well aware that would tip someone off at where he was staying. For similar reasons, he tended to head back to his room or to the bathroom whenever the doorbell went off and we hadn't ordered takeout. I understood his request for privacy and time to work on his problems, but he'd had months already. What harm could a few concerned friends coming over do?

"And I'm sure we're not fooling anyone," Hilde added.

Again, probably the truth. They had undoubtedly guessed Heero was staying with us. They certainly knew that _I_ knew where Heero was, even when I pretended otherwise. I was sure Sally had kept her word, though.

Still, I had learned earlier that week that Wufei had had Preventer business on L2, but had not stopped by us on the way back. That was unusual. We hadn't had visits from Trowa or Quatre in ages, either.

I was willing to bet that some day soon, they'd show up at the door unannounced - and _then_ what would Heero do? Run away? Hide? Cover up the truth and solicit our help?

He wouldn't get it. I'd do close to anything to help him work out his issues. I wouldn't do a damn to cover it up for our friends, not beyond what I'd already done.

We'd cornered him about the friends issue the week before. He'd been evasive, claiming he still needed time.

I didn't push about what for. To me, he seemed to have come to terms with himself, as well as his addiction to alcohol. Maybe he just wanted time to hit on me unobstructed, I thought with a smirk.

Or was there more to that? What if _that_ was the part he wasn't ready to admit to Quatre and the others?

Worse, that was an affliction of his I didn't know how to solve gracefully. The two most obvious solutions were not acceptable - flat-out rejection could crush him. All-out acceptance could crush _me_.

It was also the one problem of his Heero wasn't willing to endure defeat in.

I gave it all some thought. Perhaps the next time Trowa called, I'd drop hints of how long it'd been since their last visit.


	39. Little Slips

  
**Little Slips**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV   
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)   
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged. 

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #92; 'next time'.

* * *

My timing was off only by a couple of minutes. I had lingered behind the bathroom door for a while, waiting for the slam of the outer door heralding Duo's return from the yard. I knew Hilde would be out on errands for a few hours still. It had struck me as a good opportunity.

Never mind how crazy the idea was.

I pulled at the towel wrapped around my waist and opened the door when his footsteps were close. I had deliberately forgotten to bring a clean change of clothes with me when I went for my shower, just so I'd have a reason to walk back half-naked - and into his path.

He stopped as he saw me, tried to look past me. I side-stepped. So did he, after another step towards me, intent on getting past me.

Just before he would have accomplished that, I hit my palm against the wall and blocked his way. He glared at me and turned to go back. Before he could, I used my other arm to stop his retreat, trapping him up against the wall. He kept glaring at me, but I couldn't help notice that his eyes drifted down just a bit every few seconds.

I smirked back at him and prayed it would cover up the fact I had the heartbeat of a hummingbird and a cold sweat down my damp back.

"Your towel's slipping..." he finally commented, meeting my look again.

I glanced down and nodded. It was. I shifted my weight from one leg to the other and tried to subtly flex muscles to provoke its downfall. Drastic results required drastic measures. "You'd better tuck it back in, then..." I murmured back at him, trying not to grin at the scowl he made. He did not voice an immediate retort. I felt a shiver down my spine, not sure it was an entirely good one.

That damnable book had suggested being aggressive and confident. One for two, so far. My still soaked bangs hung heavy down my forehead, one tip interfering with my field of vision. The occasional droplet fell from it and to the floor.

Slowly, I leaned in against him. The way he gulped did not escape me, even as he tried to make it inconspicuous. Closer now, I breathed in deep. He'd only worked up a light sweat, by the sniffs of it. There were trace scents, too - his strong deodorant, his gritty aftershave and that strawberry shampoo he's fond of. I didn't stop closing in, met the start of panic in his eyes with the stubbornest gaze I could make while standing on legs of jelly. Duo pursed his lips, but didn't say anything.

Just before, I veered off to the side and slid my moist cheek against his dry skin, my body coming to rest the width of two fingers away from his light jacket. I grazed the corner of my lips to his ear before I pulled back again, still smirking.

I wasn't sure I was fooling him anymore. Shock or even surprise were not to be read on his face. Frustration was clear as day, mixing with traces of anger and indecision.

At arm's length once more, we engaged in a staring contest. I suppose he's the adult of the two of us, as he gave in first, again looking down my chest. That did not still my heartbeat.

"You're wet," he finally deadpanned.

I had to chuckle at that. "You're as observant as ever, Duo..."

"Get away," he growled. "You're dripping all over me."

"Make me," I dared, my heart feeling like it was about to jump up my throat. This was the point of this whole plan, after all. There was only one way he could remove me.

It was up to him just where to touch me.

He glared at me again, then at my chest. To goad him on, I started leaning in again.

That did it. Tentatively, he brought his hands up and pressed his palms against my damp chest, starting to push.

I resisted, made him use force - made him get a good feel of my body. His hands slipped just a bit, and his fingers brushed over my nipples. I took a sharp breath, but let him push me back after that.

He was soon gone down the hallway, walking fast and not looking back. My towel still clutched my hips at the brim of decency. I never told Duo it was only kept taut by a rapidly extending tentpole. Maybe I would have used the gibe, had he lingered.

Actually, I had counted on that he would, just to vent his anger at me for the stunt. The last few days, he'd been more and more evasive towards me, more skittish than usual about my passes.

Heading back to my room, I started to assess the results of this little experiment, short of the tent in front. He could have pushed me off of him much faster than he'd done. Far more brutal, too. Like, with a well-placed knee or fist. Was it just his fear of hurting me that restrained him, or was I finally coming close to his breaking point? Was the slip of his fingers intentional? _Both_ hands had moved, after all.

I decided this required consideration - and perhaps a follow-up or five. I would have other fairly inconspicuous chances at testing his boundaries. My regret of not stealing a kiss when I had the chance was fairly brief. I was determined to get what I wanted - but not before Duo gave it willingly, with all his heart.

Maybe next time.

And sometime, next time would be this time.


	40. Barbs And Broods

**Barbs And Broods**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #93; 'key'.

* * *

I couldn't believe I did that.

Why did I push him away like that? Why didn't I grab his shoulders, or crash away one of his arms? Why did I put my hands _there_? I wasn't sure, and that made my skin crawl more than anything else.

I might as well have palmed his crotch while I was at it. I'm sure he would have let me, maybe even encouraged me. While I'd run to hide in the living room, I didn't miss the conspicuous bulge in his towel.

I hid my face in my hands and growled. The fact I'd even checked that suggested more than I wanted it to.

At least he saw it fit to give me some time alone afterwards. I barely heard him rummage about in the kitchen. He'd even drawn the door shut.

Sometimes, out of sight does _not_ mean out of mind. At least he'd gotten dressed now.

I hoped.

And got a whole new set of thoughts. Again, I groaned.

Hilde chose that moment to enter the room, fresh back from her errands, judging from the shopping bags she deposited in the couch. "Is something wrong?" She cautiously asked.

I gave her a sour look.

That must have told her enough. "Heero?"

"Of _course_ it's Heero!" I snapped back, almost unconcerned whether Heero could hear us over the blender currently in active duty beyond the kitchen door. "He's driving me _crazy_, Hilde!"

She smiled. "I'm told that happens in every healthy relationship."

I glared back.

Hilde ignored it, long since immune to most of my tantrums. She sat down at the couch edge closest to me. "What did he do this time?"

"He-" I started, then bit back down, barely avoiding my tongue. Far better that she didn't know. "You know that stupid saying about finding the key to someone's heart? That bit of poetic nonsense?"

She nodded.

"Okay," I started. "See, Heero, he obviously doesn't have mine. He _can't_ have mine. All he's doing is groping around the surface, looking for the dusty keyhole - and when he finds it, he's gonna assault it with his best match of lockpicks, right up until I _snap_!"

She flagged an eyebrow, cocked her head to one side and put on that wise smirk of hers I usually regret seeing. "With that phrase, I'd say you're close already... but Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"You realize that the best match would be the proper key itself?"

I growled at her. "That's beside the point! I told you-"

"Duo," she cut in. "To continue that quirky analogy of yours - the key to your heart, that's something you _give_ to someone. It can't be taken by force."

With a snort, I folded my arms. "What about coercion?"

She shrugged pragmatically. "Then at least you're willing, right?"

I frowned at her as I stood up. "You're taking _his_ side, aren't you?"

Hilde sighed. "I just want to see you both _happy_, Duo - and we both know what would make Heero's day."

Scoffing at this, I turned to leave.

"You could at least give him a _chance_! You don't know what something's like until you've tried it - and I'm pretty sure you've never kissed another guy, or let another man play with your plumbing."

I cringed at the thought, but could muster no reply beyond my growl.

As I walked away, heading for the bathroom, I felt like damning her for being right - in more things than one.


	41. Ear For Music

**Ear For Music**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #94; 'a little more action'.

* * *

I didn't hear her approach. I wasn't aware she was back until she put a hand on my shoulder, jolting me. I glared at her grin as I took off the headphones. I was clearly losing my touch; I was trained better than to sit with my back to a door.

"Didn't mean to scare you," she said, before glancing down at the pile of datasticks before me. "Heero, what are you doing?"

I looked at the mess at the floor, reached for the eject button of the home entertainment system, popping out the datastick compilation I'd been listening to. I scanned the label, noted the band name; Nirvana. I couldn't quite place them in the larger history of music, but I decided to check later. I put the stick down aside from the rest.

All in all, this was archaic technology. Everything is on holocrystals these days. The system was of old manufacture too, of course. I suspected it was once salvage - hammered, glued and soldered into shape. The sound was still good, but the image on the main screen was a bit choppy. The readout screens were fine.

I hadn't expected them back so soon, though. I reasoned she'd left the auction early, leaving the rest of the potential bidding in Duo's capable hands. "I'll put it all back when I'm done - I'll even sort it, somehow."

She knew as well as I the pile of datasticks was a pile even before I deposited them at the floor. In contrast, her smaller collection was neatly organized at the far end of the rack. "That's not what I meant. What are you up to?"

I picked up a stick at random, pretending to read the label. "I saw them this morning, and it dawned on me I didn't know Duo's taste in music. I wanted to find out." I sighed and dropped the stick back in the heap. "Not that I'm making much progress. There's a lot of weird stuff here - all very eclectic. This afternoon, I've listened from the dawn of music to the contemporary. Gregorian chants, Bach's cantatas and symphonies by Beethoven, Sousa marches, The Beatles and their rock, Madonna's pop music, Nwabudike Morgan's commercial hits and even some of Lhasha's colonial-ethnic works!" I mentioned the latter with a bit of exasperation; I wasn't fond of her style, albeit she'd been all the rage four decades prior.

I realized my mistake when she frowned defensively. "I happen to like Lhasha's songs," she offered curtly. "Who do you think gave Duo his copy?"

"Sorry..." I quickly retorted, meaning it. "Still," I sighed, rummaging through the pile one-handed. "What the hell does he actually _like_? Most of these came with the system, didn't they?"

"Something like that. We've built up our collections over the years. You get the sticks for pennies at flea markets these days." She grinned. "We might have to go to an antique dealer next time."

I tugged at a smile, but couldn't keep it.

"What was at the top of the pile when you pulled it off the shelf?" she asked. "I'd bet that would be his favorite pick."

I looked at her, half frowning at myself for not grasping that obvious fact sooner. The trouble was, I had mixed Duo's system by an order of magnitude by now. Hesitantly, I grabbed one. "I think this was close..." I scanned the label and shrugged. I vaguely recalled the name of the artist and roughly when in time he belonged, but not much more than that. It kept puzzling me why artists from that time period couldn't get by without some sort of nickname. I had already listened to a Prince that didn't want to be one, an enigmatic and charismatic Boss and now a long gone King.

"Go on, plug it in."

I did, and browsed the music tracks at random.

Hilde flipped the speakers on and started fumbling with the smaller display, skimming artist data, photos and video clips.

I focused on the sound. The intro of my pick ended and a firm male voice began singing at us.

_A little less conversation, a little more action, please... all this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me..._

Snickering, she punched a couple of buttons and brought up an image of the guy on the big screen. "Sounds like you've found yourself a theme song, Heero. Maybe you should dress up and sing this to Duo?"

_Don't procrastinate, don't articulate..._

From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the picture she'd put up - some guy in a tight, white suit dotted with colored and sparkly specks, thick boots under the loose pants legs. He had greasy hair and sideburns, and he wore square dark sunglasses. I shot Hilde a lopsided smile. If I thought that would have done more than give Duo a damn good laugh, I might have.

Bottom line, no chance in hell that I would.

_Satisfy me, baby..._

It was a short song, but a good one. I figured I'd listen to a bit more of this Elvis guy - and maybe let Duo listen, too.

Whatever it took to give him ideas.


	42. Chance Investments

**Chance Investments**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #100; 'around the bend'.

* * *

"Hey, watch where you're going!"

I fought inertia to bring the cart I was pushing to a halt and prepared to flash a sheepish, apologetic grin to whomever I'd just about rammed into while clearing the last corner on my ponderous way back to the yard. It hadn't been the first close call on my trip from the auction house.

Then, the familiar voice registered with me - and sure enough, when I peered down along the side of the big crate on my pallet truck, there was Wufei, his scowl not fading too much upon recognizing me.

"Maxwell? What the hell are you up to?"

I chuckled. "I could ask you the same thing - didn't know you were in the neighborhood. Wasn't Hee-" I barely caught myself in time. "Hilde at home? She left the auction early."

Obviously bothered by the question, Wufei took an interest in the pavement. "I didn't stop by," he muttered, glancing at the huge box. "And just what the _is_ this?"

"Mystery crate. At forced sales, the auction house is fond of tossing everything they can't get much for as single pieces or sets into big boxes. Makes it more of a gamble."

"Sounds risky."

"Of _course_ it is, that's the point. Not that many care to bid, since it's usually just junk. Besides, everything else I was interested in, went for too steep a price. This," I tapped the crate, "remained within my budget."

"What's in it?"

I shrugged the question off. "Don't know yet. Want to keep the hope I finally hit the jackpot alive at least until I reach the yard."

He gave me a look of scrutiny. "And Hilde approves?"

I winced. "Well... I'll break it to her gently," I started, before adding, grinning, "Or she'll bust something of mine."

He snorted, smiled faintly.

I kicked the pallet truck lightly. "They even gave me this rusty, old thing so I could lug it back home. The box has got to weigh at _least_ a hundred pounds."

"Heavy doesn't mean expensive."

"Well, I can wish..." I paused for a moment, the eagerness to tell of my - hopefully - big bargain fading. "So... why are _you_ here, Wufei?"

Again, he looked away and shifted his footing, trying to act casual as he leaned up against the crate. "Preventer business. Followed a possible lead here. Ended up being a wild goose chase."

I nodded, even though I knew he was lying. Wufei has never been a good liar. I guess that's why I like the guy. "You chickened out from knocking the door, didn't you?"

He frowned directly at me, letting me know I got it in one.

"I wondered when Sally was gonna spill it..."

"She didn't," he said, adjusting his sleeves. "But last time I suggested stopping by to visit, she told me we should give you and Hilde some privacy. At first, I thought..." He shook his head, smirked. "But then I reasoned there isn't a woman on or off the planet who could stand living with you forever after. Hilde simply has tremendous endurance - or endless pity."

My turn to snort dismissively.

Wufei pushed away from the crate. "It wasn't all that difficult putting two and two together - but I got her message, and I've respected it up until now. How's Yuy doing?"

I gently bit my lower lip, slipping it back out from between my teeth. "Better than he was," I said. It was true enough. Even if Wufei knew Heero stayed with us, I doubted very much he knew the rest of the circumstances. Those were for Heero to tell, not me, if I could help it. Still... "Why don't you help me haul this thing back to the yard and say hi to the guy yourself?"

His left brow had raised a notch at my first answer, but my question lead to a full frown, just as suddenly dispelled. "Is that such a good idea? He obviously asked you guys to cover for him. I don't know _why_ he has wanted to be off the radar for so damn long, but I figure Yuy has his reasons. That's why I haven't come by lately."

I made to punch his shoulder, but he dodged the mock blow perfectly. "Oh, come on, 'fei. It'd only be a friend visiting, and you could always say you came to see _us_, not him." I grinned. "And then you could ask him his reasons in person."

I saw him think it over. As for Heero, I was through covering up. They were friends, and Heero really had to learn how to cope with them. Wufei, Quatre, Trowa - they already knew where he was, and it was only a matter of time before they'd come to figure out why he was being evasive.

If I waited to ask Heero, he'd just stonewall against it, wanting to cover it up a while longer. Heero needed a kick in the right direction.

I thought back to the hallway incident, frowned at myself.

A kick, anyway.

And it wasn't as if he was down anymore, either. He sure hadn't been in the hallway.

Wufei started a slow nod. "Fine, on one condition."

"Yeah?"

His voice was so deadpan and his face so stern - despite the subtle, quirky smirk - that I knew he was being deadly serious. "Don't ever call me 'fei' again."

Wisely, I refrained from snickering - and hid my smile until I was safely behind the crate again.


	43. Calling Collect

**Calling Collect**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #101; 'touch'.

* * *

In my defense, I thought it was the pizza delivery boy. Hilde and I had opted for easy and quickly reheatable, not knowing when Duo would get back. So, not thinking anything of it beyond the growling pit in my stomach, I answered the door - and faced Trowa.

"Hi," he said. He's always been damn good at keeping a straight face no matter what the situation was, but this time even his voice was absolutely deadpan. It dawned on me my presence was no surprise at all to him.

His was to me, and I faltered in not showing it. "Hi..." Slowly, my mind started working again, and I took a step back, letting him in and closing the door. "Duo isn't home right now," I started, "but Hilde is out back - I'll go get her, and-"

I had already turned around and taken two steps forward by that point - and found my wrist trapped in Trowa's stern grip. "Heero, don't run away."

I frowned at his serious expression, at his hand, felt the implied 'again' in the pressure. Glaring into his somber, unobscured eye, I waited until he gave in and relaxed his hold - and shook myself free. It was clear enough he wasn't here for either of _them_. He'd come to see _me_.

"Who gave me away?" I growled at him, crossing my arms, leaning up against the wall.

He removed his jacket, brows closing minutely. "Nobody did." He let go a huff as his right shoe came off. "Nobody _had_ to. We knew something was up when Duo stopped soliciting Lady Une and Quatre for information in his incessant search for you. Then, his social calls became less frequent, too. We put two and two together... and came up with _you_."

I clenched my teeth, balled a fist.

"We tried getting the straight truth out of Duo, but he's good at being evasive. We figured he was protecting you, for whatever reason. So, we decided to give you space, for a while - but enough is enough. What the hell made you disappear and completely _ignore_ us for so long, Heero?"

"I didn't disappear," I answered petulantly. "I'm standing right here, aren't I?"

There was a twitch around that green eye. "Fine - let's just say you haven't exactly been in touch with us lately, then..."

Trowa didn't hide the anger in his voice. I knew then he'd stay on my back until he got the truth he sought - or whatever I could make him think was the truth. Trowa is a determined guy; difficult to shake off with a fib. I decided to be careful, not sure I was ready to reveal one weakness to any but its counterpart. I'd gone through many talks regarding Duo over an empty bottle, chatting up ghosts and spirits in thin air. Not meeting his look, I muttered "I had some... issues." I pushed away from the wall, showed him my back. "I only wanted to be _alone_ for a while, that's all - try to straighten some stuff out on my own."

For a good while, he didn't speak. When he did, it was my name, softly. "Heero?" He waited until he had my full attention again; until I faced him again and relaxed my fist. "If you wanted to be alone - why are you _here_?"

Though I tried, I couldn't find a quick comeback. In the end, I closed my guppy mouth, spun on my heel and walked fast and hard through the house, Trowa trailing me.

I trusted Hilde to provide a buffer between Trowa and me - or at least a delay from coming clean.


	44. Force Of Habit

**Force Of Habit**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #102; 'uniform'.

* * *

As I pushed the backyard gate open, I got another reminder to grease the hinges. Tomorrow, for sure.

Wufei and I finally stowed the crate away, conveniently out of view behind one of the larger junk piles. I would need time to give Hilde the good news. It had only cost about _half_ the budget, after all.

I entertained the thought of checking out the contents before letting her know anything at all - and maybe cover it up, if my gamble had been a bad one.

It struck me that bad habits are remarkably easy to adopt - and tough to shake. Despite everything, I couldn't help admire Heero for his iron will.

Wufei was studying the backyard by the time I pushed the box out of my mind. "The place looks a bit more organized than the last time I saw it." He turned to face me. "I presume Yuy has been helping you out?"

"Yeah..." I drawled, grinning. "We kinda offered him a job. He took it."

Wufei's brows drew half an inch closer. "If he came to you looking for work, I think I might have a better offer than this." His eyes practically drilled into my skull. "That goes for you too."

I rolled my eyes, bored with this inevitable and predictable argument. No visit of Wufei's would be complete without it. "Would you _stop_ already? I've told Lady Une 'no' a dozen times already!"

He ventured half a smirk. "And not always so politely."

That it was true didn't stop me from glaring back.

"Look, can you really blame her? We're still short on qualified staff." He looked away for a second, seemingly thinking something through. "Duo, at least let me ask Yuy. Lady Une would have wanted me to, I'm sure of it."

I gritted my teeth. It's always like this when he wants something of me. 'Duo' was for use, 'Maxwell' for _ab_use. That's his usage of my name in a nutshell. "You're dead set on forcing Heero into a Preventer uniform, huh? Fine, I won't stop you from _asking_, it's his choice to make - but promise me you'll at least wait until you've said hi before ranting about the retirement package, the medical benefits and the great dental plan, okay?" I sucked half a breath. "And I'm pretty sure he'll say no thanks, anyway."

"Oh? Why?"

I was _this_ close to saying because of me, but reason caught up with me just in time. "You've heard about the pledge he gave. No more killing. I doubt he'd like to be put in a position where he might have to again."

Wufei shrugged it off casually. "I didn't say he would have to be a field operative."

"Same difference," I countered. "Remember the trip he took after recovering from the aftermath of New Edwards? If he was in an advisory position or on a code-cracking team, he'd still find a way to blame himself if the mission was botched, or someone got hurt - or killed."

I swear, I felt a cool breeze pass in the pause that followed.

"You learn from your mistakes," Wufei answered at length, not quite meeting my eyes.

"And sometimes, you go straight back and make new and bigger ones..." I muttered back. I wasn't sure if he heard me or not. "Okay, the crate stays. Let's go find Hilde and Heero." I flashed him a grin. "And more importantly, dinner."


	45. Downward Spiral

**Downward Spiral**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #103; 'gravity'.

* * *

The kitchen was empty, the bathroom door ajar. I went down the hallway, cursing Hilde for suddenly being so elusive, Trowa still at my tail. A quick check of the corner office turned out empty, too. Steeling myself, I closed the door and leaned back against it, well aware I was cornered. Animal instincts took over. "So, where is you're better half?"

He didn't answer at first, not that I waited very long for one.

"The light in your sky, the Earth anchor for your moon?" I started to smirk as I paraphrased some of Trowa's own words back at him, watched as he recalled. I still have trouble forgetting the one time I'd strolled into _Peacemillion_'s hangar that morning, only to come across Trowa reciting poetic nonsense like that to Quatre.

There was no denying he had gotten paid for the mouthful of tripe, though.

Maybe I was just envious.

The beginnings of a frown surfaced on Trowa's masked expression.

"The docking bay for your rocket ship?" I goaded on. That, at least, brought results. To my frustration, Trowa was quick in covering it up, apparently not falling victim to my trap.

"What are you hiding, Heero?"

My jeer shifted fast to a scowl. "What do you mean?"

He leaned up against the wall, folded his arms. "The only times you get this aggressive in conversation, is when you've got a different topic to avoid - and I'm pretty sure it's the question you didn't answer. Why _are_ you here, Heero?"

I supposed he'd earned a fragment of truth. "I needed a job, and Duo offered. Got room and board as part of my pay." I nodded towards my room, and he glanced at the door.

He didn't quite buy it. I hadn't been here for very long, after all. My gap of absence had to be bigger than the time since his last visit here. "Heero, if you wanted work, Quatre would have-"

"I _know_ he would have," I snapped back. "I wanted to accomplish something of my own, not get more charity - and last I heard, you didn't exactly quit your job to live in his lap of luxury, either."

The implication hurt, I could see that. If I didn't feel guilty, maybe I would have smiled. "I'll give you that much..." he finally said, looking past me. It was easy to recognize the way he trailed off the sentence for what it was; a build-up for another attack. "But is getting a job from Duo any less charitable than receiving a boost from Quatre? Somehow, I doubt Hilde or Duo advertised for an extra hand at the yard, and you just mysteriously caught sight of it in the paper..."

Gritting my teeth, I pushed away from the office door, rushing past Trowa, bumping intentionally - hard - against his shoulder. I hurriedly checked the bedrooms as I passed them; all empty. I muttered some less favorable expressions in Hilde's honor, courtesy of her sudden disappearance act. Finally, I figured she had to be out in the yard.

"I'm here for some answers, Heero," Trowa reminded me, "and you'd better believe I'll get them."

Close to growling, I settled for a harsh glare back at him before stomping towards the back door. It was turning into a great day indeed, and I didn't think it could get much worse.

Barely a moment later, I was dodging Wufei's knuckles intended for the door, and caught sight of Duo grinning some distance behind him.

Friends are like a black hole; if you stray too close, there's no escape.


	46. Bittersweet Revenge

**Bittersweet Revenge**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #104; 'can't take the heat'.

* * *

It was all turning out better than I had expected. Except, Heero did not look happy. More like furious. Worse, his anger seemed to focus very much on _me_. I struggled to keep my grin in place, feigning innocence.

Not that I could fool him.

But it was all for his own good.

And for my _own_ good, I decided to keep our common friends around for as long as I possibly could. I doubted Heero would actually hit me or anything, but there was bound to be yelling the moment Wufei and Trowa left hearing range. It had been a while since we'd last held a shouting match. It wasn't as if they'd never happened in the past - and we'd somehow managed to put them behind us, after a while. At least until now.

While Wufei _did_ say hi first, I don't think he and Heero exchanged more than three sentences before the question of work came up. Wufei didn't even bother with sugar coating it or applying cloak-and-dagger tactics. It's a side of him I've admired, but never really understood. I guess being that straightforward is an acquired taste. Still don't know where Wufei picked it up - not that I've ever dared ask. It could be contagious.

A palm landed on my shoulder, and I gave the owner a grin. "Hi, Trowa." I glanced past him, expecting one more. "Quatre with you?"

He shook his head. "Couldn't make it."

I nodded, pretty sure the poor guy was trapped in some board meeting again. From the slight stress in his voice, I suspected Trowa would have thrown him over a shoulder and brought him along, if he could have gotten away with it. We're still waiting for Quatre to accept that he's a workaholic - but Trowa will probably get through to him eventually. At least, we have hopes.

Trowa glanced over at Wufei and Heero. "Sorry for stopping by unannounced," he told me, "but the last time I called, you _did_ suggest-"

"Yeah," I cut in, hoping that last exchange had escaped Heero's attention.

A glare and the sudden iron grip around my bicep suggested otherwise. Trying not to cringe, I faced his piercing scowl, thinking I was _definitely_ going to get it later - unless I could somehow make _him_ see this was all for his benefit, all things considered.

Right then, I had plenty of doubts in my abilities.

Hilde chose that moment to round a corner and save me from gaining a bruise. She froze, gaped for a second, then smiled courteously. "Hi, guys!" She slammed her palms together, rubbing them for good measure. "Well, I guess we need to order more pizza!"


	47. Break Through

**Break Through**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #105; 'ambition'.

* * *

The living room table had never felt smaller than it did then. There was nothing wrong with the pizza or soft drinks, and I couldn't really complain about the company either, given circumstances.

It hadn't stopped me from eyeing the pizza delivery boy with a good deal of envy when he got his money.

He could leave.

I'd eaten two slices of pizza relatively unbothered, but then Wufei chose to resume our argument, questioning my judgement in career moves. There was no way I could tell him about the _real_ perk of working with Duo - and I didn't think Duo would mention it.

Wufei put down his half-eaten slice, washed the mouthful down with his drink and wiped his lips with the back of his hand and looked around. "Is this really all you're aspiring to be, Yuy?" Thinking better of it, he quickly glanced in Hilde's direction. "No offense."

"None taken," she returned flatly. In short, she did, but not enough to bear a grudge with Wufei. He has a habit of speaking or acting without thinking too hard first.

"Heero, we need analysts and seasoned advisors almost as much as we need experienced field agents, and-"

"Quit asking," I cut him off, emptying my glass in one go. "I'm not eligible for Preventer duty. I don't think I could cope with the pressure."

Wufei took another swig and close to slammed his glass back down. "What do you mean, you can't _cope_? It's a desk job! You're Heero Yuy, twice savior of the world, damn it! Why do you talk about yourself like you're some damn drunken deadbeat!"

Glass shattered. I heard it before I felt it, and only then did I look down at my injured hand, small and large shards all over and around it. It was only a result of my fist clenching it to its breaking point - and even as it began to hurt, I was relieved I'd finally accomplished _silence_ - the deafening sort. Even Duo, a pizza slice halfway in his mouth, appeared petrified, right up until he bit down and swallowed.

Hilde was the first of them to recover, pushing herself up from her seat. "I'll get the first aid kit."

Trowa tapped my shoulder. "Let me see it."

I grabbed my injured hand by the wrist. "It's nothing," I muttered.

He started to frown. "Heero, you just crushed a glass one-handed. This is _not_ nothing. Do we have to dance?"

Catching his meaning, I defiantly glared back at him, but couldn't keep it up for more than a couple of seconds. Giving in, I presented him my torn, bleeding palm. He studied the damage, then removed the largest shard poking out.

Looking pale, Duo got to his feet. "I'll ask Hilde about tweezers." And he was gone.

I gritted my teeth as Trowa worked, carefully removing what he could unaided.

Wufei remained silent, not meeting my eyes. "...if I said anything to offend you, I apologize, Heero," he finally mumbled.

I didn't answer, busy struggling not to cry out as another chunk of glass left my palm.

"I just - I'm talking about a _desk job_, Yuy - what could _possibly_ make you ineligible for-"

Damn, how that last shard had hurt coming out. "I'm an alcoholic!" I snapped at Wufei.

Eerie silence followed. I heard something hit the floor, turned to see Hilde and Duo returning, tweezers coming to rest at the carpet's edge. The guppy faces on that pair was reflected in Wufei and Trowa.

And what I'd just blurted out, came back to me.

Swell.


	48. Omissions

**Omissions**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #106; 'please'.

* * *

He had said it. He had really said it. It took me some time to process that.

Sure, I had hoped that he would choose to open up to our common friends in time and breach the subject, but I hadn't expected he'd simply blurt it out like this - or this quickly.

Gathering my wits again, I picked up the pair of tweezers, offered them to Trowa and went back to my seat, hiding behind my soft drink, sipping slowly.

Trowa finished his work in silence; even Wufei appeared lost for words, merely studying Heero with disbelief. Trowa scanned Heero's palm carefully to ensure he'd gotten all the glass fragments before Hilde helped him wipe it clean, apply antiseptic and wrap it in pads and gauze.

Above the glass rim, I simply watched as Heero tested his fingers. Trowa distracted himself further with helping Hilde sweep up the remaining bits of glass.

Heero looked decidedly glum, but the cat was out of the bag.

I prayed he'd keep talking. Even behind my drink, he must have noticed my pleading look, for after another scowl in my direction, he glared into the table, cradling the wrist of his wounded hand in his other. "That's where I've been hiding..." he muttered. "At the bottom of a bottle."

Hilde and Trowa got seated again, and we all looked at him expectantly - but none of us wanted to force the words out of him. Him volunteering them was preferable.

To my great relief, Heero opted to spill the beans. He started talking; about his difficulties finding employment, about his need to shape his own future, about how he'd started to give up, refused to seek help - to let his friends know what had become of him, the 'bright hope of the future' - and about how he'd found solace in alcohol.

His sentences were short and to the point - he saw no need in brooding on what he said; he offered a stream of raw facts, leaving no leeway to interpret it as anything but the stark truth. Even as he finished up with how I'd finally found him; cornered him, given him a lifeline, his voice was the only one in the room.

Hilde and I knew his story, but we also knew how important it was for him to tell it himself, so we remained quiet. Trowa didn't interrupt because he's a good listener; familiar with when to just stay attentive. Wufei said nothing because... perhaps he was simply shell-shocked, judging from his expression.

He was beginning to recover, though. "Heero, I..." he finally offered a minute after Heero stopped talking. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"No, you didn't..." Heero mumbled back.

It got quiet again. Only then did it start dawning on me that Heero had left _one_ part of his confession out, but I knew that was insignificant compared to coming clean on his affliction.

So what, I wondered, was the stabbing sensation in my chest?


	49. Inclusions

**Inclusions**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #106; 'please'. Please note that given the comm this is written for, the optimal length a part is 500 words and must meet the once-a-week challenge. There is thus little point in asking for longer chapters and/or more frequent updates. I'm slow, lazy and unimaginative.

* * *

Cheerful circus music billowed out from Trowa's pants, breaking the tense mood. Trowa didn't laugh. I stopped at a smirk. Of the other three, Duo was the only one to spill beverage. Oddly enough, it seemed an act.

Looking embarrassed, Trowa dug out his cell phone, flipped the lid and answered "Trowa." He broke into a smile as he stood up, giving away who it was. My smile faded, and I barely kept from rolling my eyes. "Hi, Sparky," Trowa said.

Hilde and Duo started snickering again, and even Wufei tugged at a knowing smile. Flagging a brow, I eyed them all suspiciously. There was clearly a story behind this - one I hadn't been around to witness, or even hear of before. Not for the first time, I felt left out - even though I had no one but myself to blame for that.

Duo wiped his mouth with his hand and leaned in over the table, ushering me to meet him halfway. "Long story," he whispered. "You should make Quatre tell you the whole thing sometime." Duo grinned. "If he can do it without blushing, I swear I'll do the dishes for a year. Want to bet?"

While I'd do a lot for Duo, taking a bet so obviously stacked in his favor was not among them. I stared at him, one brow flagged, silently asking him if he really thought I was that stupid. Or lovesick.

I remained curious enough to make a mental note of it. I had some catching up to do, not just with Duo.

One word made me turn to Trowa again.

"Heero? Well, he's..."

Trowa gave me a hard look, and when that didn't work immediately, he made a poor impression of Bambi.

He must have picked that up from Quatre.

Disgruntled, I nodded.

"Yeah, he's here." I watched him nod. "I know." Then Trowa gently bit his lip, and I took that as a bad sign. "One sec, I'll ask." Then, he faced me again, impersonating one of the hunters instead. "Heero, Quatre's asking if he could talk to you - and if you don't, I swear I'll deck you."

I glared back at him.

Bambi's ugly twin returned as he pushed the cell phone at me. "Please?"

Grudgingly, I finally accepted, snapping the phone from his hands with a growl. "Hi, Quatre..." I muttered into the receiver.

"Heero!"

Putting some distance between the cell and my ear, I grimaced. The way he had said my name, I could easily imagine his face; all sunshine with perhaps a faint drizzle. Tentatively, I brought the receiver close again.

"It's so good to hear from you again - where have you _been_, Heero! We've been so worried about you, and-"

"I know," I cut him off. I watched the smiling crowd around me, sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Quatre, are you sitting down? I've got something I need to tell you..."

I suddenly felt Duo cup my unharmed hand in his, and Trowa's palm landing at my shoulder. With a fatigued smile, I nodded to them both. "I've... been drinking," I started - and the words started to flow; easier the second time around.

I only stumbled briefly when Duo started smoothing his thumb over the back of my hand.


	50. Over The Edge

**Over The Edge**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #107 - 'web'/'Hilde', and challenge #108 - 'flip a coin'/'Music'. Thus, double length (yes, am cheating to catch up).

* * *

"Are you sure it's safe leaving them alone?"

I gave her a faint grin as I glanced back to the house. "Heero and Trowa have been through life and death situations before. I think they'll manage to dress the couch with a spare sheet on their own."

Huffing, she jabbed her elbow in my side, allowing me enough time to dodge... almost. "That's not what I meant..."

"I know," I chuckled. "Heero could use someone other than the two of us to talk to. I'm glad Trowa's gonna spend the night. Wufei just chickened out."

Hilde frowned at me. "He'd made reservations, and he had to report in with the Preventers."

"He made a mess of things and didn't want to face the music."

"He apologized."

"He left."

She pursed her lips, scooted up to sit on a smudged oil drum. "He's afraid, Duo."

I flagged a brow. "Come again?"

"Wufei is scared - he's always had respect for Heero, sometimes even reverence. He looks up to Heero - and now, his occasional role model shows flaws he didn't know about - problems that are hard to ignore."

With a snort, I gave the barrel a soft kick. "Please... Heero has his drinking problem under control now. He's not that weak."

Hilde frowned. "You're just like Wufei - you don't want to think of Heero as anything but superhuman."

"Hey, I _know_ he's not," I protested. "During the war, I saved his ass often enough to know he could get in over his head just as fast as the rest of us!"

"Bragging about being rash again?" she jibed.

"Shut up..." I muttered back at her, much chagrined.

She tapped her fingertips against the edge of the drum, and I thought I saw her grit her teeth. "You set him up, didn't you?"

"Huh? No - no, of course not! I just... I just told Trowa it had been a while since he and Quatre had come by, and when I ran into Wufei down the street, I had to invite him in when he didn't have the guts to knock on his own, right?"

"...said the spider to the fly," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." She fell silent again. I fought the instinct to run away, fast. "Heero has more issues than alcohol, though."

Too late. "I know..." I glanced back at the building. "...you don't think they're talking about... _that_... right now, do you?"

She started to smile. "What, do you want them to?"

"No!" I snapped back fast enough for her to know I was lying. "No..." I repeated. "It's just... he didn't even mention it earlier, even when he admitted his alcoholism. Think he's finally given up?"

The smile became an all-out grin. "So _that's_ what's been bothering you all evening! _That's_ why you went all touchy-feely when Heero talked to Quatre and-"

"I did not!" I protested - to no avail.

Brows closing, she put her arms akimbo. "If you don't mean it, why do you keep leading him on like that?"

"I don't-"

"_False_ hope is worse than _no_ hope, Duo! Why don't you just tell him how you really feel about him!"

"Because I don't _know_!" I shouted back at her, biting my lip the instant the words left me.

She gaped at me, and I could almost feel a breeze - which on a colony is a very bad thing. Either the environmental systems are failing, or there's a leak into space somewhere close. Not that I suspected what would come of this would be much better. I shot a nervous glimpse back at the house, half-expecting to see Heero and Trowa at the door, matching Hilde's surprised expression.

The door was still closed. I exhaled slowly.

"You... don't know?"

Tentatively, I looked her way again.

She started smiling. "He's finally getting to you?"

I balled a fist, gritted my teeth. "Forget it..." I mumbled, turning to walk away.

Hilde got off the oil drum. "Well, there sure aren't any cobwebs in _your_ closet, are there?"

"Huh?" I asked over my shoulder.

"With you hiding in there, I mean."

I huffed at her, took another two steps.

"Duo, hang on."

Normally, I would have ignored her - but when she uses that low, serious tone of voice, it's damn difficult. She knows it, too.

"I want to show you something."

Closing my eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, I walked back. "What?"

"Just a minute," she said, digging into her pockets. With a grin, she found what she was looking for. She held up the coin for me to see, then grabbed a hold of the barrel and gave it a slight tilt. I watched as she put the coin upright against the top edge. "Do you see?"

"See what?"

"A coin can't stand on edge forever, Duo." She let go.

The coin rolled down the lid, gained speed until it hit the rim and bounced into the air. On impulse I made a grab for it and crushed it my fist before I slammed it against the back of my other hand. Tentatively, I met her look, tilted my palm to sneak a peek.

"So, what gives?"

I closed down again. "We didn't agree which was which."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Either way would close the issue, wouldn't it? Make up your mind, Duo - give him a real chance, or give him some tough love."

Hurriedly, I tossed the coin back at her. She caught it without hesitation. "If I told him off, it could crush him."

"Like you said earlier, Heero isn't weak, Duo. But, what you're doing now, _that's_ slowly killing him. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have you as a boyfriend - but still glad to have you as a friend."

"Hey, I've _always_ been his friend!" I snarled.

"I never said you weren't! But you keep him hanging on, hoping you'll be _more_ to him than that!"

"Well, maybe I want to be!"

That shut her up. As a bonus, it shut me up, too. _Damn_. At length, she gave me a smile. "Think fast, Duo."

Before I could react, the coin hit me in the chest, bouncing off me and to the ground. As I bent to pick it up, Hilde walked back to the house. Left alone, I stared at the coin for a long while, finally pocketing the damn thing.

Some things couldn't be decided by a quick coin toss.

But that didn't make Hilde any less correct.


	51. Obstacles

**Obstacles**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #109 - 'nutshell'/'Howard', and challenge #110 - 'temptation'/'Fire'. Thus, double length (yes, am again cheating to catch up).

* * *

There are some days you just know the universe hates you.

Still, I made Duo a promise, and come what may, I try to see my promises true.

Scattered across the kitchen floor in more than a dozen parts, the dishwasher was inclined to make it difficult. I'd picked it apart and put it together many times over, but whatever kept it from actually working, eluded me. Wing had a far more understandable make-up. Hell, even the Zero System made more sense.

The make was old, but that only meant we had more access to second hand spare parts. Some, we even found at the yard. Through Duo's contacts - usually Howard - we managed to get a hold of nearly all the rest of the bits and pieces we thought needed replacing. In the end, only two bolts and the internal utensils basket remained of unoriginal manufacture.

And even then, the damn thing refused to work.

I was growing tired of mopping and cleaning the kitchen floor with every other failure, never mind the regular clean-up after each botched repair attempt. Close to growling, I tossed my screwdriver into the toolbox - only to have it and three cousins bounce out, with just enough force to knock the nearby grease can over.

It was a good thing Duo and Hilde had decided to see Trowa off at the spaceport; it let me be shamelessly more creative with abusive language.

It was starting to dawn on me why Duo hated the machine - a sentiment I was growing to appreciate.

I was loathe to admit it, but it had me defeated. Feeling vengeful, I wanted nothing more than ally with Hilde and replace it - if only so I could take this quarrelsome carcass out back and kiss it with a sledgehammer, repeatedly and with great enthusiasm.

I crashed on one of the kitchen chairs, arms lax, eyes at the ceiling before they closed. Why did I even bother?

The answer was obvious; for Duo. I'd told him I'd best him, and I knew he'd never let me hear the end of it if I failed.

Sometimes, I hate being right.

Gritting my teeth, I thought back to the night prior. At least the couch had been more cooperative.

That hadn't stopped me from blurting out a question without thinking - one that had shaped and reshaped at the back of my head ever since Trowa struggled to say goodbye to Quatre, using more terms of endearment - and some I could only presume to be - than I'd ever heard. Love doesn't just make blind; it makes you crazy.

Sanity seems overrated, anyway.

_"When did you know you loved Quatre?"_ I'd finally asked. I suppose I wanted to know the secret, the catalyst, whatever mystery Duo and I lacked.

He'd given me an eye at first, then started to smile subtly. It was tough to face him while fighting back the heat in my cheeks. "...I'm not really sure," Trowa answered at length. "But it was before he told me he loved me - and after that, it didn't really matter. We've only grown closer since then."

I jammed a white corner down the side of a cushion. "...but you were friends first, right?"

His brow lifted slightly, and I knew he was putting two and one together. The way his smile grew added to the suspicion. "Yes," he said with a nod.

"What made the difference?"

He put on a thoughtful mien, cradled an elbow in one hand, his chin in the other. "...I guess the first time I kissed him sort of pushed us out of the 'just friends' bracket," he finally stated, grinning at the apparent memory. Then, he looked at me, expecting a follow-up.

"...were you afraid?"

He let his lanky arms go and went to tuck his side of the sheets in. "Terrified," he admitted. "But I figured it was worth it, even if it would just be that one time." He broke out smirking. "I lucked out. It's like they say, Heero - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Gambling can make you rich, but it can also bankrupt you."

I fell silent after that, and thankfully, he didn't go anywhere close to the topic, either. I think it was enough for him just to _know_.

I don't know what he thought, but I couldn't tell him I'd already confessed my feelings to Duo only to have them neglected. Hell, I'd all but thrown myself at him, and still I was rebuffed. What possible shock factor could a simple _kiss_ have after that?

That was the heart of the matter, of course. I thought I loved him. He didn't think he loved me - and I couldn't come up with a way to change his mind. We were getting nowhere fast. Why would Duo want me, anyway?

Another memory from last night surfaced; Duo's thumb across the back of my palm. There were so many things I wanted to read into that, but the truth was he was simply being a friend - a good friend, but still just a friend.

I don't even know when I brought it out - the next thing I knew, I was staring at the tiny bottle in my hand, resting there like a detonator; tightly clutched, me thumbing the cap.

Why did the kitchen suddenly feel so small?

I looked away, caught sight of the damn dishwasher and gave it my best scowl. It was hopeless. After all that work, I still wasn't able to figure out why it wasn't working, what could be missing - what was broken, other than me. Closing my palm around it, I encased the bottle with gauze wrap. It hurt. I didn't care.

Some obstacles just aren't meant to be overcome, I decided. Wiping my eyes with the back of my free hand, I got to my feet again. I gave a wrench a soft kick, sending it skidding across the floor. Again, I stared at the bottle, then clutched it beyond the point of pain and raised my trembling fist, intent of slamming one problem into another, as if they'd null each other out.

I couldn't. For minutes, I stood there, my arm acting like a birch branch during a storm.

It was hopeless.

I sat back down, ignoring my moist cheeks. I'd always known I couldn't have all I wanted - and I couldn't have both the things I wanted most; the ground rules Duo had laid out saw to that.

It didn't look like I could have Duo.

Swearing again, I glared at the bottle, hard, long... and before I could regret it, I broke the seal, uncapped it and downed the contents, throwing my head back.

It burned like a trickle of fire down my throat; the sooth of purgatory; a taste I'd been without for several months.

But it was only a slight reprieve. I craved more, far more. I couldn't drown my sorrows and regrets in something less than what a shot glass could hold; they were far too big for that.

I wished I had a bottle of Scotch tucked away somewhere beyond their sight.

Because, after I'd emptied it, I could crawl down into it and hide.


	52. Camelback

**Camelback**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #110 - 'temptation'/'Fire', and challenge #111 - 'school'/'Heero'. Thus, double length (yes, am again cheating to catch up).

* * *

I hate sleepless nights.

That night turned out like that.

It wasn't _just_ that the events of the day kept churning in my mind, but also the fact my bedroom was the one closest to the living room. Now, usually, it's all good to have Trowa over for company... but we've grown used to having Quatre nearby whenever he visits.

See, it doesn't happen often, but sometimes, Trowa works up a hell of a snore. He tends to deny it, even when we face him with recordings. Quatre says he has tricks to make it stop, but every time I ask him about them, he turns a fair shade of pink, closes up and changes the topic.

I wasn't in the best of moods, come morning. They all picked up on it and steered clear of me during breakfast. Heero looked relieved when I decided to follow Trowa to the spaceport. He said he'd give the dishwasher another go. I told him he was crazy. He just gave me this confident smirk, as if this was the day he'd succeed.

Sucker.

That trip ended up unnerving me even more, though. After Hilde had left us for some errands, and just before he boarded, Trowa cocked his head, smiled at me and told me "You should pay Heero more attention."

Before I could come up with a reply other than a weary scowl, the hatch was already closing behind him.

I couldn't shake the feeling he knew.

Maybe Heero _had_ told him something. Or had we - _he_ - been that obvious?

I wasn't sure what I wished for. After all that time of being chased after, it felt sorta weird to have him give up... if that's what he'd done.

It didn't sit well with me. As I walked back home, I got to thinking how _bad_ that was. If Heero was ready to give up on me, that would prove he wasn't as tenacious as I previously believed - not regarding me, and perhaps not regarding-

I didn't want to finish that thought. It was tough to think of Heero as vulnerable. Most days, you'd think he was made of gundanium alloy.

Truth is, he's good at putting on fronts, just like me.

I'd almost decided to confront Heero by the time I entered the yard, but halfway to the house, something gave me pause. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught glimpse of the crate from the auction. I still hadn't had time to check the contents.

We'd used the front door this morning, but Hilde was sure to notice it when she got back. It wasn't as if I could really hide the box indefinitely, either. I decided now was as good a time as any to have a look. Besides, it'd keep me from facing my fears a while longer.

I grabbed a crowbar and wrought the lid off with a loud crack. I took a quick look around, but nobody seemed to have noticed. Good.

It didn't take me long to sift through the top layer of the contents, figuring out what it was - a decedent estate; the last remnants of a lifetime. It was the typical pile of miscellaneous stuff they couldn't hawk easily - a couple small pieces of broken or battered furniture, all sorts of decorative knickknacks, chipped dishes, ugly vases, bright yellow newspapers, books with thoroughly broken spines, ripped magazines, piles of old paperwork and opened letters... To be honest, pretty much the sort of junk I'd expected to see when I bid. I started going deeper, hoping to find something of value that the auctioneers hadn't noticed. It didn't happen often, but it did happen. One person's junk was another man's treasure. It was all in knowing what would be a treasure to the right people.

My heart sank quickly - I nearly reached the bottom before I found anything close to promising. The small pile of yellowed, crispy paper didn't seem like much. The envelopes weren't exactly fresh - but age can sometimes be a good thing. I figured the stamps were worth a look, even if they probably weren't in mint condition, postage stamp and all.

Eyeing the date stamped on the first envelope, I gave a high-to-low whistle. More than sixty years back. Still, even then sending letters was a fairly outdated mode of communication. I know you're not supposed to read others' mail, but could you blame me for being curious?

Thought so.

As if the assorted chunks of junk hadn't cued me in, the letters confirmed this was the final pieces of some old geezer's life. The letters were full of descriptions, flowery prose, small stories - pretty old-fashioned courting letters, when you came down to it.

I read some of it, but all the one-sided, emotional stuff made me queasy. Across time, I saw someone else who were having a hard time convincing their favored significant other, someone being an underachiever in the school of life.

The truth is, I didn't want to read how the story went.

I tossed the letter aside and gathered up the envelopes. I'd have to get the stamps checked out.

My mind wandered to something Heero had asked me a while back, and what I'd eventually answered him.

What _would_ kissing him be like?

Despite everything, the thought festered. I wanted to know.

But I didn't want to admit what it probably meant. I wasn't gay. Heero was my best friend, sure - but that was it. I wasn't thinking about him and me in-

I gritted my teeth, slammed a fist against the crate.

A distant crash brought me out of my misery. It came from the house.

Putting the envelopes aside for later, I shuffled up the gravel path, kicking pebbles while damning them all for their meddling, cursing them for being right - sorta.

I made my way into the kitchen - and sure enough, there was the dishwasher, scattered all over the kitchen floor with tools all around. Heero sat at one of the kitchen chairs, looking suitably disgruntled. I keep telling him that machine is the devil.

He got to his feet when he saw me, but didn't quite meet my eyes. I figured it was because he'd failed again. Heero doesn't tolerate failures, especially if they are his own.

I took a step closer. "Heero..."

"Hm...?" he muttered, glaring at the sink.

Only two left. "Look, this doesn't mean anything, okay? Don't get any funny ideas. I just have to know."

He looked like he'd ask me something, but I never let him.

Instead, I kissed him smack on the mouth, hard.


	53. Little Deaths

**Little Deaths**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #113 - 'fake'/'Dorothy'.

* * *

It didn't take long for my regrets to multiply. What I'd done started to sink in. I looked at the bottle. I could refill it with water, put the seal back in place - maybe some glue would do. Duo didn't have to find out just yet. I could probably-

I canned those plans, stuffed the empty bottle back in my pocket and sat down. No, I wouldn't try to fix it. I'd just replace it, nobody would know.

Maybe I'd get myself something better while I was at it. I'd just proven I could drink and still stay with Duo, hadn't I? I just had to hide it. I'd done infiltration and deception many times before; I could do it again.

Never mind how I'd been sober back then.

Of course, that tiny volume in the bottle hadn't even made me the slightest bit tipsy; it had barely been a quick soothe. I wanted a _real_ drink or five, enough to knock me out and let me escape for a while. After all I'd been through for the past few months, I felt that I could use one - that I _deserved_ one. I planned to volunteer for the next afternoon grocery run - it would be easy enough to make an extra stop or two on the way. I knew where the liquor store was, and there had to be a bar in the neighborhood - one that opened early.

I knew I was kidding myself. I couldn't hide this. Hell, I'd be lucky if I could put on a face good enough to cover the fact of what I'd done. What it meant.

I was losing.

Badly.

As if he'd picked up my qualms all the way from the spaceport, Duo suddenly stood in the doorway. "Heero..." he all but breathed. There was anger there; frustration, fatigue.

"Hm...?" I mumbled back, avoiding looking his way. My heart made an extra beat - not the good kind - as he stepped closer. Did he know? Had he _seen_ me? Or was I simply that obvious to read?

"Look, this doesn't mean anything, okay? Don't get any funny ideas. I just have to know."

I had a mind to ask, 'know what?', but by that time, we were already kissing.

We were _kissing_.

His lips were on mine, pushing hard, and I briefly felt the tip of his tongue. Hell, it wasn't a good kiss - it wasn't even comfortable - but it was a kiss, our first kiss, and my legs started to fail me, much like higher faculties and most forms of self-control.

I grabbed him by the neck and kissed back with everything I'd pent up for so long. If this was to be it, then to hell with caution and comfort.

My counterassault softened his, and as the fumbling kiss endured, it got better. His tongue touched mine, followed mine back to my mouth; I sensed it brush the back of my teeth. Duo's warm breath along my cheek, his closed eyes contrasting my wide open ones, the step forward he'd taken between my legs, his arms keeping me from falling...

It was too good to be true, yet it was.

And that was the worst of it.

That highlight of my life ended as abruptly as it had begun. Duo pulled away so quickly I nearly fell flat on my ass. Instead, I managed a nearly controlled landing at the kitchen chair. I watched as he licked his lips carefully, frowning at me.

Had the kiss been that bad? Had I fucked up my last chance to convince him to join the dark side?

My pulse was already way high, and my heart skipped a beat when Duo approached again, leaning in against me. Barely remembering how to breathe, I closed my eyes, parted my lips, hoping, _praying_ he'd continue where he'd left off.

I heard him take two quick sniffs no more than an inch away.

Then, not exactly in the way I'd fantasized, his hands went down my pockets. I didn't even have time to react before his raid was complete, the empty bottle between us.

He stared at it, at me, back at the dark glass; through the glass. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. "You _didn't_!"

The walls came down all around me; everything became ruins. I couldn't pretend to be strong anymore, couldn't pretend to be master of my vices. The illusion failed.

Bereft of my defense, my last shreds of honor and self-respect, I did the only thing that came to mind.

I got up and ran away, not looking back, barely able to look one step ahead.


	54. Pinocchio's Blessing

**Pinocchio's Blessing**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #114 - 'surrender'.

* * *

I watched him leave, standing there like a cow on the tracks, not really registering the approaching train before it hit me, full force.

The door slammed before my legs would move. I remember putting on shoes, blessing Velcro, half a minute later cursing their lousy grip.

His head start was too much. His back started slipping out of sight, down one alleyway, another, through small crowds. It wasn't long at all before I had no idea which direction to run anymore. I clenched my teeth, admitted I'd lost track of him and shuffled back home in defeat.

Hilde sat at the kitchen table when I got back, leaning in over the table, cupping the empty bottle - or what was left of it. I glanced at my hands, surprised to find them empty. I suppose she supplemented what she'd already guessed with the messy kitchen, the bottle shards and my chipper expression. Disbelieving and meek, she asked "No..."

I nodded, sighed, crashed onto the chair opposite. "Oh, yeah..."

She bit her lip. "He took off?"

"Lost him," I muttered.

There's only been a handful of times I've heard Hilde say a more potent curse than 'fiddlesticks' - never mind a string of them.

I cradled my face in my palms under her onslaught. "Fuck," I snapped. "I should have _known_- Damn it!"

"He really drank it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I could taste the liquor off of him."

"Taste?" She drew a short breath. "Are you saying-"

"Yeah," I answered, shrinking a little more. "We kissed. And I told him it didn't _mean_ anything! Fuck, if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have known-" It was all his fault. All my fault. I was pissed at us both. That's the beauty of anger you can't really pin on anyone and be comfortable with it. "All too late now."

Hilde has one admirable quality - she always knows when to give me a good kick in the rear. This time was no different. While I was busy sulking, she fetched my coat only to toss it in my face, putting on her own. "Come on, let's go look."

"But-"

"Staying here won't do any good - and he has keys, I saw he took his jacket."

"He might have his keys," I muttered back, "but I seriously doubt he'd want to come back. I caught him red-handed, just when I finally gave him what he wanted. You really think he wants to face me right now!"

She looked ready to slap me. "An empty kiss is _not_ what he wanted, Duo, and you know it! Besides, you remember that deal you made, right? He's bound to think he's blown _everything_ now - that you don't even want to _see_ him again, much less-"

"All right!" I snapped at her, cutting her off as I got to my feet, wrangling the coat on. "You don't have to yell, okay? I give!" Hell, she was wrong on one thing.

It hadn't been empty.

The truth was, I didn't want to see Heero. I was ashamed of myself. "...I just kissed him, Hilde. I didn't even think to ask if _he_ wanted-" I closed up, frowned. "I... well, after all that, I didn't think he'd _object_."

"You'd have been suspicious if he'd backed down now..." she tentatively pointed out.

I sighed at her attempt to ease my conscience. "Probably..."

"...and he didn't, did he?"

"Didn't what?"

"Object?"

I looked at her for a moment and licked my lips, then shook my head, adjusted the coat and started walking. We were almost at the door when I halted, doubling back for the phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Gonna make a quick call."

"To who?"

"Wufei," I told her. "If he hasn't left already."

She huffed impatiently. "What, planning to have a Preventer bulletin put out for Heero again?"

I gave a snort, daring half a smile. "Heero was on their damned 'wanted' list for over a year, and a fat lot of good that did. No, I want to ask Wufei to put some leverage on port security."

She looked a bit lost until I reminded her there was pretty much only one way on or off this colony for Heero - the main space dock.

It beat trawling the entire Earth sphere for scraps of clues all over again.


	55. Rising Twilight

**Rising Twilight**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #115 - 'come/smile'.

* * *

It took a while before I realized Duo wasn't following me anymore. I slowed down to a brisk walk and turned down another alleyway for good measure.

It was stupid - drinking, running, kissing, take your pick. I just didn't want to stay and watch the tiny world I'd built there crumble. Time to start all over again, I guessed. Find some new dump to crash in. Try to land a job - maybe even a steady one.

I dismissed the thought of going back to the house, even if most of my stuff was left there. It was too late for that. Maybe I could have talked my way out of it if I'd stayed, come clean - it wasn't as if I would have told Duo anything he didn't already know.

But I just couldn't. Duo had set down _one_ condition - just _one_ - for me living at the yard - the place which for each step I took felt more and more like the lost paradise I didn't know about until I kicked myself out for doing the one sin there was.

Like some cranky kid, I just _had_ to go and break the rule. Sure, I was still short of twenty, but I'd thought my phase as a rebel teen was over.

Even more infuriating was the fact I'd been so close to my goal, and still managed to blow it at the last minute. Duo had _kissed_ me, fercrissakes. He kissed _me_, and there was no gun to his head. I'd felt his tongue down my damn _throat_, and it had to happen _just_ too late. I was pissed at myself for my failures, but still harbored an angry thought or five for Duo, too. Why did he have to choose _then_ to-

I kicked the empty can of soda that got in my way, ricocheting it off a garbage can, sending the alley cats screaming for cover. Emerging from the alleyway, I looked up at the flickering streetlight. It wasn't as if the colonies ever grew really dark at 'night' - but the big lamps high above serving as both light and heat dimmed in the old pattern of Earth for purposes of familiarity and finance, and some streets would be left grey to charcoal if it weren't for supplementary lights like this one.

I had to get off this place. Hitch a ride with a waste barge, maybe. Money crossed my mind, and I hurriedly checked my pockets. My wallet met my fingertips, and I made inventory. Not that much cash, but enough to get me by for a while. There was always my bank account, which, courtesy of working at the yard, showed a positive balance - but I figured a withdrawal could be traced easily. I'd leave the colony first, run and hide somewhere.

The smirk came without me wanting to. Was I so obsessed with the guy I'd even gone and adopted his motto? Running away rather than face the truth?

Halfway down the street, a neon sign short a few letters flashed at me; an open invitation to a watering hole holding liberal hours. I smiled to myself, taking a fancy to the place already.

In my defense, I was getting thirsty, and as the lights high above dimmed, a slight chill entered the air. Three mildly to overly inebriated patrons staggered out the door as I entered, the thin smoke irritating my eyes for a moment. At least it was warm, I thought - and it wasn't as if I was having anything. Just a cola on crushed ice, maybe with a twist of lime... Then, I'd go find a hot dog stand or something, grab something to eat on my way to the spacedock.

...but it could turn into a cool night. If the bartender would accidentally slip a drop of rum in the glass for a quick heater, I wouldn't complain.


	56. Looking For Loafers

**Looking For Loafers**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #116 - 'water/wind'.

* * *

Calling Wufei had been a good idea. He'd been eager to help. Honest desire or guilt, I didn't care. All that mattered was that he told me he'd _personally_ alert port security. There was no doubt in my mind he meant to stay sentinel himself too. He's not the sort that trusts others with work that matters too much to him.

It wasn't as if the job was all that tough. This colony only has one spacedock for people, except in emergency evac times. Of course, there are always the semiautomatic transport hauls from various ports in the colony hull; food, air, water and other raw materials inbound, waste and the occasional manufactured good outbound. Most sane people wouldn't think about being a stowaway, though. That works fine with rail cars and ocean liners, and perhaps you'd even survive in the wheel bay of a jet plane - but space barges are different. Cargo hulls aren't always pressurized or air-flooded. Without at least a suit, it'd be crazy - and even with one, you don't know whether your chosen ship is heading for the next colony or Mars, and you'd like to keep breathing until you arrive.

Of course, I knew Heero had hitched rides like that before. Hell, I'd done it myself. It was really a miracle we were both still alive.

What sucked about calling Wufei was that he'd reminded me of something, much to my regret. What Heero was probably out looking for now, he didn't have to go off-colony to find.

What had surprised me was that Wufei apologized. He didn't say what for, and I didn't ask. It felt strangely nice that he did, even though I'd no idea what _he_ had done. Whatever mistakes he'd done didn't register compared to my own.

If only I hadn't kissed Heero...

...but that would only have delayed my finding out. His poker face leaves a lot to be desired - at least to me.

The real trouble now was helping someone who didn't _want_ help - someone who probably hated my guts for knowing their failure. Someone who loved me.

Or at least had, up to that point.

Either way, _finding_ him would be a good start. Wringing his arm to bring him home was the next step. I feared that would be a lot easier than it ought to be.

Hilde and I had split up, dividing the colony between us. We knew all the best hiding spots, the nicest places to get lost, space out - get plastered. Up to Heero's arrival, we weren't foreign to the idea of a beer or three in good company.

It's only a faint memory now.

For each step I took, I kept hoping my cell phone would ring - that Wufei had grabbed Heero as he boarded a shuttle, that Hilde had met him at the small corner coffee shop on Tuesday and Fourth, that he'd found a payphone and wanted to talk.

Colony night was descending, and I adjusted the collar of my coat. I entered another bar, thoroughly undecided whether I wanted to find him right then and there.

I didn't want to consider worse options.


	57. To Pack A Punch

**To Pack A Punch**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #117 - 'swing'.

* * *

The bartender turned out to be very understanding. I'd asked for water first, but she didn't make a face - she glanced at the coins I put on the bar instead, swept them up and poured me a glass. I took my time with it. Then I ordered a coke, slipping the money over the counter. Again, I got service. She even put a straw with a tiny paper umbrella stabbed through in my glass. I started a thin smile.

I can't have been the first reluctant customer she's ever had, though. Perhaps she figured I'd go for something more expensive if she happened to say the magic words. "It's been a bit nippy today, hasn't it?" she asked as she wiped off a mug.

"Hm?" I took another sip and scratched the tip of my nose with the edge of the umbrella.

She put the mug down, brushed the cloth over the counter. "You aren't having chills, are you?"

Truth was I felt closer to dead cold inside.

The cloth paused. "Because if you are, I have water that would warm you up instantly."

I gave her a glare of annoyance. Firewater, obviously. I wasn't a naive Indian - but I _was_ plenty stupid, and easy to convince. Lingering for only a moment, I raised an index finger and nodded.

A shot-glass and a bottle crashed against the counter before my palm was down again. Taking a firm hold of both, I poured myself a drink and chucked it back; felt invigorated by the good, quick burn in my throat - and after that, I couldn't stop. I completely lost track of time - of most things.

I'm not really a loud or violent drunk, I prefer to booze off in peace - but then some middle-aged idiot crashed the stool next to me, ordered a series of drinks, all the while complaining to the absentminded barkeep about his wife and how she'd just left him. He was sobbing, unable to understand why she had. It didn't take long for him to be further gone than me, but my mind wasn't quite where it should be, either. "...because you're a _drunk_," I snapped at him. "_That's_ why she left you, that's why he can't stand you anymore!"

I didn't track back to my slip of pronouns until the barkeep flagged a brow. I took that to mean I wouldn't get more service - she probably concluded I'd had enough for one night.

Worse, I didn't notice how the face of divorcee-to-be had turned like a sour grape, and only meticulously bred - if sluggish - reflexes made me dodge the swing he took at me.

"She's not like that!" he snarled, preparing for another go at me. On instinct, I punched him in the gut - just hard enough to knock the wind out of him, but too soft to burst internals.

That's when the barkeep called the bouncer and tossed me out. I can't say I blame her, but I clutched the half bottle I had left in a death-grip, so she gave me a brown paper bag for it to go.

I pulled my jeans jacket closer together against the slight chill of colony night, glanced at the paper bag and shuffled off to the nearest twilighted alley, intent on finishing my drink in peace.


	58. Live Man Walking

**Live Man Walking**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #118 - 'wrinkle', #119 - 'post', #120 - 'glasses'.

* * *

I wasn't sure what I was expecting. It wasn't what I was hoping for, and it couldn't have been much worse - but he was still alive when I finally found him. One of the barkeeps remembered him from my description, and that narrowed the search area considerably, given the state he'd been bounced in.

Which was, frankly, ugly. He had crashed on a splintered crate down a passageway, half leaning against the wall, arms slack along his sides, eyes closed and a thoroughly plastered grin on his face.

I wanted to yell at him, bitch him out.

I did, but at least I cared enough to tap his foot repeatedly and wait for him to dazedly acknowledge me. "So, _here_ you are, you sonuvabitch! God, have you any _idea_ how worried I've been!" His surprise, panic and deep frustration flashed me in quick order as he challenged his balance to keep upright against the brick wall behind him, but I was on a roll. "Why the hell did you run, Heero? We could have talked this out - all of it! There wasn't any need to-"

It had been a while since he'd glared at me like he wanted me dead - and was willing to see it happen expediently, messily and with great pain. It made me falter.

Softening his assault, he closed his eyes and sagged down. Rubbing my forehead, I gathered resolve. "Fuck, Heero - do you _know_ how many creases you've put on my forehead in the last few months - the last few _hours_?"

He eyed me again, formed a crooked smile and slurred "I'll let you know as soon as there's only _one_ Duo to talk to, not three of you all swirling around..."

Muttering a curse, I went down on a knee, pulled him away from the wall and hugged him. At least he could only _feel_ one of me. "Heero..." I started, unsure what his absolute unresponsiveness meant. "Let's go home, okay? Let's just go home."

I sensed him stiffen at that, then relax. His nodding rubbed my cheek.

It took me a moment to pull back, to steady him as I struggled to my feet, catching a fair whiff of his breath on the way. I grimaced. "How much did you drink, anyway?"

Fighting himself into focus, Heero raised his left hand, tentatively splaying three fingers.

"Three glasses?" I said with traces of hope in my voice, briefly wondering if Heero was more delicate than I thought. Then, he dispelled that fantasy by raising his right hand, fingers tightly clutched around the head of a bottle. The brown paper bag slid off as he held it up and turned it over, shaking it to show it was bone dry. Three bottles, then. Maybe more. My brows furrowed again, and the throb in my head increased to border on a headache. "God, Heero..."

"Yes, my son," he blurted out, started a snicker and embraced my neck for support.

I balled my free fist, steadied him as best I could, relieved as he let go of the empty bottle. "That's not even funny, Heero." With some effort, I managed to stand up straight, something my sidekick had trouble replicating, one arm draped around my neck. I grabbed at a belt loop on the far side of his waist, took a tentative step forward to see if he could keep up - and was relieved as he did. "I don't really believe in God, but just in case he _does_ exist, I don't think it's all that smart to piss him off."

"You do it all the time," he muttered sullenly, disgruntled that his joke had failed.

I couldn't help the wry grin. "Yeah, but I'm betting I'm already sided with the other guy."

He gave me a long, blank look. "Me too..."

Together, we shuffled homeward, opting not to speak. That could wait for a little while. I'd just make sure not to leave him unguarded or unchained until we had a chance to talk properly.

Then again, the guy could bend steel bars and snap necks like it was nothing. If I was lucky, there'd be just enough affection left to make him hesitate in killing me - and that'd be all the break I'd need to counterattack.

I couldn't help but wonder if my fair stats against him in combat practices - and less peaceful engagements - was partly a result of that.

I'd muted my cell, but felt it vibrate in my pocket. I wanted to answer, but didn't want Heero to overhear - or mistake - what could be said. Catching a break, we rounded a corner and found a bench and a phone booth. Heero seemed relieved at the break in walking and sagged onto the bench, slouching over, but staying upright - for the most part.

I jogged over to the phone booth, checked my cell - Hilde - glanced at Heero, glad the walls were made of glass. Of course, it wasn't as if he was in any shape to run off.

After filling Hilde in and agreeing to meet up back at the yard, I called Wufei to let him know the search was off.

"Want me to come over?" he asked.

Again, I looked at Heero, who was by now listing forward, steadying himself on his knees, skin pale even under the low lights of colony night. "That's... probably not a good idea, Wufei. Leave it until tomorrow - I'll call you first."

There was a pause at the other end. He was no doubt analyzing my every word. "Okay."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, man - oh, and could you call Trowa for me?"

"Why? Want me to tell what's happened?"

I thought about it for a second, then dismissed it. Trowa would tell. "No, that'd just drive Quatre crazy, and then they'd both be here by morning. Just let him know... that I took his advice."

Again, that short, but telling break. "What advice?"

"The good kind," I said, smiling to myself, almost picturing Wufei's frown.

"Fine," he acknowledged.

"And tell him... he's right," I added.

There was snort at the other end. "I figure he'll know what that means too, even though I haven't got a clue what you're on tonight?"

"Right," I said with a grin.

Slight laughter came through. "Okay, I'll let him know, Duo - but keep me posted. Call me if you need me for anything, alright? Anything at all."

"Yeah. Thanks, Wufei." Not waiting for a final bye, I hung up and went to pick up Heero. The brief respite didn't do much to increase our pace, but every step after got us closer to home.

Hilde had obviously lost her infamous patience, given how she met us halfway there. I didn't quip about it, just relieved she'd shoulder Heero's other side for the last leg.

We didn't speed up, though. Instead, we took one leg at a time, sure but steady, waiting for Heero to drag his feet along rather than carry him outright. His ego had taken a serious blow, and we saw no need to add more to his punishment.

Sometimes the misdeed itself handles that more than adequately.


	59. Royal Flush

**Royal Flush**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Heero POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #121 - 'suit', #122 - 'fleet', #123 - 'green'.

* * *

I gratefully slumped down on a chair first chance I got; leaned heavily against the kitchen table and took a profound interest in the swirls, slashes and other marks in the worn oak. Despite the relief, I didn't show it. Instead, brief moments of clarity made me grow ever more sullen. I'd behaved disgracefully, been weak. I'd broken the one house rule there was, and even despite that they'd sought me out and carried me back.

Like I didn't want to look up from the tabletop, I didn't dare hope I was back to stay permanently. "I'm sorry..." I muttered, perhaps too faint for anyone but me to hear. My mind was still spinning, but the thickest fog was beginning to lift. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. "I'm sorry I ran," I continued. "Sorry I cracked the bottle. Sorry I got myself smashed..."

Hilde put a hand on my shoulder, and though I avoided anything above chest level, I noticed Duo sat down across the table, folded his arms and tilted his chair up on two legs. His voice carried every bit of the grumpy vibe he sent. "It's okay, Heero."

Hilde intervened by softly rubbing my shoulders, thumbing the back of my neck. Contentedly, I straightened up; leaned back. "It's not your fault. It was an accident."

Her lie was a sweet one, and I wanted to believe it - but I knew I couldn't. At length, I looked up to meet Duo's face. As I'd imagined, he wasn't happy - not with me, and by the looks of it, not with Hilde for her latest contribution.

By the sudden tenseness in her hands, I pictured her matching his glare, eye for eye - and I was honestly surprised when Duo broke away first. He sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Look, Heero - what's done is done. It happened. You're with friends now, so don't worry about it."

Something in his elusive gaze made me wonder whether he was telling me, or himself.

"...and... I'm..."

I sensed he was about to start apologizing, but as many times before, he left me baffled. Going by the way her fingers dug into my flesh, Hilde was blindsided too - or maybe she was just pissed at first.

"Damn it," he growled as he slammed a fist to the table. "No, I'm _not_ sorry, okay! I'm _not_ sorry that I kissed you - I wanted to, and you've been going after me since the moment you came here - before, even! I know I should have asked first, but I'm not sorry for what I did. You got that!" He stood up too fast, tipping his chair over to crash against the floor.

Hilde's hands were gone, and she was fast on her way around the table for a confrontation.

Dizzy as I was, I stumbled to my feet, wobbled for a moment, then regained some semblance of balance.

Hilde caught Duo's arm before he could stomp off to the living room. Duo stopped, but he didn't turn around; just cocked his head forward and balled his fists. "Heero... I... I'll give you another chance, if..." Tentatively, he sent a glance over his shoulder, then aside. "If you give _me_ another chance."

It took a moment for that to process, and I must have started a silly grin, going by Hilde's pleased expression and the soft flush across Duo's cheek. Hurriedly, I stumbled his way as he started to turn. I wanted to hug him, maybe kiss him - I could always blame it on the alcohol later.

Judging from the mild sense of impending dread his face gave off, he had to have some suspicion of what I was up to, but he didn't run, hardly even flinched. I think he wanted this as much as me, but the initiative had to be mine, at least for now.

But we never got that far.

Halfway to my target, I felt my guts revolt. The smile on my face flattened out as I covered my mouth and changed directions towards the bathroom, shuffling forward at best speed.

I made it on time - barely.

Soothing, circular touches to my back and strong grips steadying me made me dimly aware Duo and Hilde had followed me; supported me as I proceeded to puke my insides out. To say I was ashamed or embarrassed would be a grave understatement. I can usually handle a lot of alcohol, but whenever there's other butterflies in there too, the situation grows volatile.

My stomach didn't have all that much to empty, but the aftershocks kept coming.

Hilde stepped out, mentioning something about clean clothes, towels, something for me to drink - for washing out the bad taste or to counteract my impending hangover, I wasn't sure. After tasting her witchbrew, I could safely say it covered both - and that some things taste worse than bile.

As the heaves grew less frequent, Duo patted my back, his voice showing the crooked smirk on his face. "This look sure doesn't suit you, Heero... I mean, a former war hero, twice the savior of the world - never mind how many other times you pulled our asses out of the fire..." I shot him a glare as he closed his eyes, grinning. "And now you've got your green-shaded face in a toilet, flushing a bitter stomach the unusual way."

I wanted to fight back, but distraction at that point could have been messy. Another dry hurl came up; one last cramping - I hoped.

Stability ensued after Hilde returned with her liquid miracle cure. On good faith - and in retrospect, against better judgement, given the seething foam around the egg yolk dipping in the glass she offered - I drank it. Let's just say two wrongs definitely do not make a right.

They helped me clean myself up, change my shirt. Hilde put a quilt around my shoulders, and it took me a moment to recognize the smell and the patchwork patterns. _My_ blanket - I still couldn't believe Duo had packed it for me when he picked me up. It doesn't look like much, but the old rag meant a lot to me - at least it had up to that point, being one of a few sources of warmth and comfort I had in my self-imposed solitude. I pulled at the corners and packed myself in, mind drifting away.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I came to wake up from a doze leaning against Duo, crushing him up against one of the walls, his arms around me. Hilde was gone, but I suspected the couch cushion buffering Duo and the wall was her contribution.

Still with her good intentions in mind, I caught glimpse the empty glass over by the high doorsill and frowned, recalling the flavor and consistency. Never again, I quietly vowed.

Duo stirred, shifted his palm along my side. I shot him a drowsy look, fought the urge to smile. Never say never, maybe... If this was the result...

I closed my eyes and pushed the thought away. I knew that was a wrong conclusion. Duo was willing to overlook my drinking _this_ time; it didn't mean he'd do it the next time.

He knew I was awake by then. I rustled up against him, just enough so I could touch my lips to his neck. "I still want you," I mumbled.

"I know..." he breathed back.

I kissed the bit of his clavicle poking out from his shirt. "A chance, Duo. It's all I ask..."

"You'll get your chance..." His fingers briefly brushed through the hair at the back of my neck; a feather-touch. Then, he settled for holding me close. "Just don't push me too hard, okay? Give me time."

"I'll try..." I mumbled. My mind was wandering off again, craving escape from the dull headache. I was inclined to go along with it, content with where I was - in his arms. I didn't care we were in the bathroom, didn't care that I'd cramp Duo's legs and would undoubtedly wake up hurting from the hard tiles. Some things are worth a little pain, I decided, as he mothered me into a soft-rocking lull. His lips grazing my forehead before I was gone was as fleeting as a dream, and perhaps it was.

Other than my numb thighs come morning, it was the best sleep I'd ever had; one of a few times up until then I'd felt perfectly safe.

I could easily get used to a life like that - and we did.


	60. End of the Road

**End of the Road**

_Contents/Warnings:_ Shounen Ai, Alcohol abuse, some angst, Duo POV  
_Pairing:_ 1+2(+1)  
_Disclaimer:_ See all the others; status unchanged.

AN: Written for gw500 (LiveJournal community) challenge #123 - 'green', #124 - 'what if'.

* * *

As much as I'd love to say it, that night was not the last lapse Heero ever had. It wasn't even the worst. It was only the first real one I'd witnessed, and it took its toll.

It also made me do some hard thinking, but by the time I fell asleep that night, I'd made up my mind. He was here to stay.

Even my sore ass the morning after gave me no regrets.

It took a year until the next time Heero lost control. As memory serves, my rear was tender following that recovery, too - if for a very different reason than cold bathroom tiles. I think nerves from our first fumbling attempt at sex brought on his stumble back then, but he made up for it plenty afterwards; it was all good.

Heero lasted another four and a half after that; his most secret binge ever. I could never bring myself to tell Hilde the one glass of bubbly he'd had at her wedding had avalanched. He'd thought it was the fake soda substitute when he downed the first glass, and he didn't realize his mistake until it was too late to combat the craving.

Ten dry years followed; good years - and the disappointing fall down nearly killed him, and me along with. I don't think either of us could have endured his full detox without the small group of friends we'd gathered half a lifetime prior.

Ever since, our love has been enough to intoxicate him; give him the buzz he craves - at least, that's what he tells me when he's feeling amorously corny. If nothing else, he's living proof you can say as much dumb stuff when drunk on love as when plastered on alcohol.

The road to recovery is not so much a trip from one destination to another, endpoint to endpoint - it's more like a huge, expanding circuit; you set out hoping to get back where you started - before you started - but often end up passing the finish line only to find another lapse waiting, hopefully a longer one.

Or perhaps life can be described as a game of snakes and ladders. You crawl your way up the laid-out path only to get bitten and slip a long way down. You hit a crutch and get a big leg-up on everyone else.

Either way, the goal tends to be the same - happiness.

I'm not saying life with Heero is easy - and I'm sure he's come to realize life me with isn't always bliss, either.

We've grown to tolerate each other's strengths and weaknesses over the years. We've learned when to help, when to stand clear, when to not give a damn whether the significant other objects to our mostly good intentions. He doesn't complain about my random and usually unprofitable auction purchases; I do my best not to frown when he enjoys an occasional cancer stick. I don't kick his leg nearly as often when he snores now; he still hugs me in a death-grip if I hog the sheets, claiming he's compensating for the loss of cover with using me as a heated comforter.

I've sorta come to like and take advantage of that last thing.

The little things in our merry coexistence might not come anywhere near to describing what your walk of life is like, but that's the paths we choose; the roads we take.

Some places can't ever be revisited; some things can't ever be restored or mended - much like our dishwasher. After all these years, Heero still hasn't given up on it. I've grown accustomed to us doing the dishes together, though - it's a flaw that's become a boon.

So what if things aren't always perfect? They can still work out. I mean, despite our shaky beginnings - gunshots, theft, wars, alcohol and more - the grass on the other side never turned out to be greener. Heero and me have grown happy together.

And in the end, that's all that really matters.

-END-


End file.
